how can i get over him when we were never together?

[jofa83]

Hey all

 

I am going to post this situation that for the past 6 months I have been going out of my mind over. I know I will probably be judged, even critiscised, but I really need to get this out of my system once and for all.

 

New years eve I met a guy (dan) and we hooked up. I was single, he was single and very attractive and we had an amazing time. He was visiting my town with work (hes in the army), he actually lived in a town about 50 miles away but was based with his work 300 miles away. So I never imagined anything coming of it. But apart from being good looking, this guy was just everything that I want. We met up once more before he left to go back to the army. We had a lovely weekend together and I really fell for him. We spoke about starting a long distance relationship and I agreed that I wanted to. Anyway, 2 weeks into this LDR he told me he couldnt do it anymoe, that the distance was too much and it work. Obviously I was heartbroken but I understood his point. We did keep in touch however through facebook and email but just as friends.

 

Then in April, he emailed me to say he was coming home for 10 weeks and would I like to see him for a weekend he would come and visit me. I still really liked him and stupidly said yes. However, he never did get round to visiting me. There was always an excuse, he had to see family or he had to play football etc etc. In the end I just started seeing another guy that had asked me on a date. Anyway Dan got really jealous and begged me to finish it promising that he would come and visit me. So I finished it. Dan was due to come and visit me a couple of days later when I waas looking at his facebook page and saw a comment written on there from a girl. He had written back calling her 'sexy'. Then she commented saying 'shall I phone you tonight babe?'. Well, that was the last straw. I deleted him from my facebook and sent him a message saying that I couldnt do this anymore, it was hurting me too much and I just wanted to get on with my life. I didnt get a reply. Absolutely nothing.

 

So for a few weeks after that, I felt kind of relieved and strong. I didnt think about him at all. I was busy with work and stuff and I just got on with my life. But lately I started to think about him, from the minute I get up to the minute I go to bed. I even dream about him sometimes.

 

I know what you are thinking - why? He was absolute ******* to me I know. So why do I want him so bad?? I keep asking myself the same. I think its because I have never felt such a strong and instant attraction to anyone before like that. Everything he had I was attracted to. So I have gone No Contact with him and it has now been just over a month. It is absolutely killing me. He goes back up north next week and I am just so tempted to message him and ask him to come see me before he goes. But I wont, I know it will end in more heartache.

 

My worry though is that Im obsessed with him and that I will never get over him. I already believe that I wont ever like anyone as much as I did him and have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably have to settle for second best. Its mad I know, but I really really liked him I would happily settled down with him and Id only met him a couple of times

 

Please tell me what to do and how can i get over this? How can I stop myself from contacting him?

[Ajax]

Stopping yourself from contacting him comes down to pure will power. You know the reasons why you shouldn't, but the heart and the brain aren't always on the same page.

 

You're emotionally invested in a man who's both emotionally and, at least circumstantially, physically unavailable. This is a lose lose situation.

 

It may take some time to get over him. These fast and strong connections to people are tough. They come on strong, and last long! And a lot of it I think is built around the mystery of someone you never really got the chance to be with.

 

But you do know the guy's a flake. He appears to be a bit of a player too. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you're still thinking about him.