boyfriend not interested, i think

[supportseeker]

My boyfriend has a horrible past. He's cheated on his ex wife and only been with trashy girls..lots and lots of them..I'm talking 70+. Doesn't having casual sex become a habit after having been with that many women? He says he doesn't desire that any more. He's been depressed for about 10 years but he's making an effort to change that now. Actually, he's made many changes in his lifestyle and seems to be much more committed to his religion too. I don't want to take credit for any of the changes he's made. I just encouraged him to get back in school and he did. He says I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, but I can't help to think he's only with me because I can help him with school and some other things. He never really touches me, kisses me, and he looks at other girls's butts (Is it just me or does this drive other women crazy too?). I don't have any reason to think he's cheating on me. He's always at home, or if not, he tells me where he goes. Is he just not interested in me? He never even holds my hand and when we're making love he always turns away and doesn't look at me or closes his eyes . I am overweight and even though he denies it, I'm pretty sure he's not attracted to my body-type. He's so curious about my friends..I'll just mention something about them and he won't stop asking me questions...it's like he wants them but he knows they'd never even look at him until he got his degree and got his stuff together. He like Spanish women and he really wants to learn Spanish. He's taking a spanish class right now and he goes to see his spanish teacher during her office hours to ask for help with his homework almost every day even though I tell him it really hurts me when he does. He says it's just for school. I think he really likes her and goes to her office because he wants to be around her. Is he just with me because I can help him with his school? He's hit me a few times when i've stressed him out about being with other women. This is my first real relationship and I think I'm just really insecure about myself and that's why I'm jealous. Can I get some feedback please? Deep down, I know I should leave him but I don't have any friends and my whole day pretty much revolves around him. How can I leave him for good without feeling too much pain?

[supportseeker]

when i tell him I'm going to leave him, he begs me not to. he calls and calls and apologizes and promises that things are going to be better. I get so mad when he looks at other women that I break up with him on the spot. He only looks for a second by in my religion you can't even do that. You're supposed to lower your gaze. I feel bad for judging him based on his past. He doesn't even talk to any women anymore. He doesn't hug me or hold my hand or anything. I feel that if something better came along, he'd leave me. he tells me over and over that he'd never cheat on me...but he hardly ever tells me that he loves me. Is that normal? Should I stay with him even though I know if his teacher or even my sister tried to get with him, he would get with them in a quick second? I'm just really confused. Am I being too hard on him? Do I have a good thing and not know it? He will do anything I ask him and tells me I'm the best thing that even happend to him and keeps asking me not to ever leave him. When we make love, that's the only thing he wants me to tell him, that I would never leave him. Basically, I can't trust him because of his past. He's cheated on many of his girlfriends and I feel like he still gets excited when he sees a pretty woman..he just doesn't act on it. He says it's different with me because I'm not trashy like them and I don't do drugs like they did...He's been begging me to marry him since the first week we met but I've been scared because I'm afraid he'll cheat. Can a man really change after being with so many women and having done so many women wrong? When I bring up his past, he says he doesn't like talking about it because he's ashamed, but a couple of times he said it wasn't his fault..he's not infallible..all humans make mistakes...and stuff like that..give me some advice please...

[echocrush]

I get so mad when he looks at other women that I break up with him on the spot. He only looks for a second by in my religion you can't even do that. You're supposed to lower your gaze.

My boyfriend has a horrible past. He's cheated on his ex wife and only been with trashy girls..lots and lots of them..I'm talking 70+.... When we make love, that's the only thing he wants me to tell him, that I would never leave him.

 

So you are a religious woman? But you are dating a man with such a past, and sleeping with him? It seems like him having a past is a big issue with you. But it seems like religion is important to you too... could the two be related? Maybe your faith and your situation are clashing?

 

I am overweight and even though he denies it, I'm pretty sure he's not attracted to my body-type... he looks at other girls's butts... Is it just me or does this drive other women crazy too

 

It also sounds like your self esteem may be a big issue, you aren't confident in yourself... if you were more confident maybe it wouldn't bother you as much.

 

I have never met a man in my life that doesn't look at other girls now and then, though I have known some who could be more polite than others. They may look, but they could have a lot more respect for the women they are with when they do it. If he has been with that many women, and has now chosen to be with you, it seems to me that you must be one very special lady to be that important to a man who seems to have his pick.

 

Do you think he HAS cheated on you? That is the important issue, do you have reason to have suspicions or is your self-esteem whispering things in your ear? Don't listen to your self-esteem, do listen to your intuition...

[supportseeker]

you're a smart lady. what we're doing is not religiously wrong (we have something called a temporary marriage), but it isn't acceptable in my culture, and so yes, I do feel bad for being with him because I know my family would never accept him, and he feels bad because he's a much more devout person now and he wants to be permanently married but I'm afraid to marry him.

 

What I don't get is why he doesn't touch/hug/kiss or anything...

 

He's an ex NFL player whose career was cut short due to an unexpected injury..he went through a period where he was severely depressed because he didn't know what to do with himself after football, but I think he's got some kind of direction now. I've heard how dirty professional athletes are and I'm afraid that'll never get out of his system.

 

He's never given me a reason to think he's cheating, and I don't think he is. My problem is that I don't think he's capable of being faithful in the future. I feel that because of his past and the way he came on to me and wanted to have sex the first time we met, he could just as easily try to have sex with any other woman he's just met....and no I'm not very confident right now. Every other woman he's been with could be a model and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a religious woman, he wouldn't even look my way, but he says he respects religious woman and has prayed to God to bring a woman like me to his life and he feels blessed now. Am I being played with?

[FreeMe]

Originally posted by supportseeker

He's hit me a few times when i've stressed him out about being with other women.

 

 

There is NEVER an excuse for someone, especially a man, to hit you. He's got emotional problems and he's abusive. You need to get rid of him.

[supportseeker]

I would leave him if he had hit me too many times, but it was only twice. He was wrong for hitting me but I just don't think a couple of times is that big of a deal. I've hit him too.