flow15 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Its been a while since I've posted here, but just needed a little bit of advice although I think I know the answer. To keep a long story short, my ex was a bastard to me. Broke up with me last may, except strung me along until january this year (asking for me back and then breaking up with me, again and again). I was a total mess that whole time. I decided to go NC in january, he contacted me once 3 months ago when he sent me a song called 'one last chance'.. obviously making me believe he wanted another chance (i had already given him like 3), he then told me the song meant nothing. So I had a massive go at him in an email. I went NC again with no intention of contacting him again, and not expecting to hear back from him as he couldnt admit he did anything wrong, nor did he apologise for hurting me so much. Now all of a sudden after 3 months NC, after I had a massive go at him in that email which he couldnt respond to saying sorry, instead he called me crazy... he has now contacted me saying this (we were both online on IM): hey --and then 15 mins later when i didnt reply: just wanted to talk to you, to see how you are, i understand that u might not want to speak to me hope everything is fine take care I'm guessing you'll all say its bread crumbs, he just wants to see if I'll still talk to him, or to see if im still pining for him.. I'm still angry at him, for everything he did, only because he could never man up and admit he did wrong and apologise. If he did that, then i could chat with him, as he was an important part of my life. So i havent said anything as i just dont know what to say. I think its probably best to ignore. If he wants to talk to me so bad he can apologise. But i know i cant say that to him... What do u guys think? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 I think its probably best to ignore. The obvious answer is to just ignore, but obviously you still have some emotional attachment to him otherwise you would not be posting here asking what others think. If he wants to talk to me so bad he can apologise. But i know i cant say that to him... Actually, why not say those words? Yes he should come up with it on his own, but he can't read your mind and sometimes you have to tell them exactly what you're looking for. If he does apologise you will have to determine how sincere he is and then you can decide either to accept it as closure or to see if there is a real possibility of reconcilation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 The obvious answer is to just ignore, but obviously you still have some emotional attachment to him otherwise you would not be posting here asking what others think. Actually, why not say those words? Yes he should come up with it on his own, but he can't read your mind and sometimes you have to tell them exactly what you're looking for. If he does apologise you will have to determine how sincere he is and then you can decide either to accept it as closure or to see if there is a real possibility of reconcilation. I just think, if i ignore him it may show i still care and am still upset or whatever, although it may also show i dont care! And if i say to him:'if u want to talk to me so bad u can apologise', then it will show that i still care and am still upset! And i know him, he wont apologise if i have to ask him to do it, he will act defensively, think im starting an argument and walk away again. There will never be a reconciliation, i know he will never come back, its impossible. and i will never take him back. but i'll admit, despite all the **** he put me through, i do miss him and talking to him. but i dont think talking to him will do any good anyway. P.s thanks for the response!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 I dont want him to think its ok to contact me, say hey whats up as if nothing happened! I know it will drive him crazy that i don't reply... or it may not faze him at all! who knows... All i know is that he treated me like crap, didnt give a **** about me... he doesn't deserve my time. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Eh, he didn't really say anything substantial. I've gotten a few 'hey how's it going' messages in my day, and the first thing that always strikes me as an odd coincidence is that they're never calls, always IM/text/emails. In other words, minimal efforts to get a response from me. The second coincidence is that they never say much. Just general small talk, how are you, what's up, etc...not 'hey I'd really like to have a serious talk with you'. The last coincidence? They never mean or amount to much. Responding or not responding never leads where you think it will. They honestly care little if you respond or not. It would be nice for their ego if you did, but you already know the guy won't say sorry and will leave if a serious talk starts - so why even bother? You're right - he's not worth your time. Don't waste any more of it with this douche. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 Eh, he didn't really say anything substantial. I've gotten a few 'hey how's it going' messages in my day, and the first thing that always strikes me as an odd coincidence is that they're never calls, always IM/text/emails. In other words, minimal efforts to get a response from me. The second coincidence is that they never say much. Just general small talk, how are you, what's up, etc...not 'hey I'd really like to have a serious talk with you'. The last coincidence? They never mean or amount to much. Responding or not responding never leads where you think it will. They honestly care little if you respond or not. It would be nice for their ego if you did, but you already know the guy won't say sorry and will leave if a serious talk starts - so why even bother? You're right - he's not worth your time. Don't waste any more of it with this douche. Firstly thanks for the reply, I know deep down what I should do, but its always good to get other peoples opinions! I agree, all it will do is boost his ego if I respond. The conversation probably wouldnt go anywhere, if anything it will lead to an argument which will make me feel worse.. or if it does go well, it will make me feel worse too as it will just make me miss him! But to be honest, I don't think he deserves a response. If he really wants to talk to me and know how I am, he can make more effort. But I clearly wasn't that important otherwise he wouldnt have walked away from me, and not contacted me for nearly 5 months! Link to post Share on other sites
stopthemadness Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Ya ,I say ignore these little bread crumbs hes giving you. I think your on the right track with thinking that hes just NOT trying hard enough to reach out to you give it any real serious attention. And even if he was? My goodness havent you had enough of this crap to keep going back to this guy. I went through the same stuff with my ex for 8 1/2 yrs!! Ya!! this could go on forever if you let it. Next month will be a year sence my breakup and its been tuff at times, but am doing it. And so can you. All the month of May my ex was emailing me, calling my house phone, then when that didnt work he came to my door. I had my daughter tell him I didnt want to see him. Make a long story short. I told him from the phone that am sorry hes not doing so well but that he told me to go way, so now am gone. And after this we WONT be talking anymore. Heres what I think. We loved, we fought a good fight, but now that relationship is over. We should hold our head high, heal as time goes on. And life goes on. And you know how you say you miss him and you miss talking to him. Well guess what? me too (little smile) its ok and its normal. I saw a therapist for 7 month after this breakup. I had to. I just couldnt keep going back and forth anymore. So hang in there. Stay strong on the N/C it really helps, it gives you time to think. Link to post Share on other sites
bikinibeach Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 ...................................ahem. um.....delete him from your IM???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 I havent replied, but if i was to reply and just be carefree and not ask him any questions... will it boost his ego? will it show im still pining for him? Link to post Share on other sites
mtd4249 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Eh, he didn't really say anything substantial. I've gotten a few 'hey how's it going' messages in my day, and the first thing that always strikes me as an odd coincidence is that they're never calls, always IM/text/emails. In other words, minimal efforts to get a response from me. The second coincidence is that they never say much. Just general small talk, how are you, what's up, etc...not 'hey I'd really like to have a serious talk with you'. The last coincidence? They never mean or amount to much. Responding or not responding never leads where you think it will. They honestly care little if you respond or not. It would be nice for their ego if you did, but you already know the guy won't say sorry and will leave if a serious talk starts - so why even bother? You're right - he's not worth your time. Don't waste any more of it with this douche. There does seem to be something of a trend with using text or IM to contact an ex with some breadcumb comments. Maybe it's just convenience, maybe it's a cop out way of communicating. Same thing has recently happened to me with the ex ... 5 months ago, she walked out on our 16 year relationship and went to another city where her family live - no warning, no signs, no reason, apparently no second thoughts. The relationship was definitively over since April and from thereon I went NC ... about a week ago, she sent me a couple of IMs to ask how I am and how the two dogs are that we raised from pups, and another to say that deep down she will always care about me. Then last night, I get another message that asks how I am, giving me her new mobile number and asking if she can get some photos of the dogs. I've ignored the message ... as you say, it's not the "I want to have a serious conversation" and never has she bothered to apologise for abandoning me and just about killing me! She's jumped that step and gone straight to the bit where she wants to have a casual conversation and get photos of the dogs she deserted. Part of me feels sorry for her, part of me is ripped aprt by ignoring her because this is the person that I once loved and was my best friend, but still another part of me says that this is the person who made a decision in their best interest and didn't think about the consequences for me .... now it's my turn to make decisions for me and the best thing to do when they send these messages is ignore them. Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 now it's my turn to make decisions for me and the best thing to do when they send these messages is ignore them. Well said! Link to post Share on other sites
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