Conclusion to relationship doubts...

[win1234]

Hello there guys,

 

Well, a few months ago I posted a topic called relationship doubts, and I thought I would let you guys know what happened, for I have learned alot.

 

In the beginning of January, I ended the relationship. It was a very difficult decision, but now I can see that it was the right move.

 

We are keeping in touch as friends, but we have both now moved on to different relationships, and I am glad to know that we are both happier.

 

Never stay in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone without a partner, or to prevent the other partner from feeling hurt, or because its convenient, or your scared that you might not find anyone else.

 

There is someone out there for everyone.

 

The most important thing I have learned is that if you enter the realm of love nothing is certain, and one has to accept that for the joy there is in love, there is also the possibility of pain, and you only have control over yourself in a relationship, but you will never have control over the other person or love itself - therefor you will never be able to eliminate the possibility of pain.

 

Its not to say that one will never find the partner to spend the rest of your life with. This is something we all hope for, and it would be nice never to have a broken heart.....its more a case of being aware that people change and grow, sometimes closer, other times further apart....and like nature, unpredictable things can happen in love.

 

When its good - experience it and enjoy it and be glad and cherish it to its fullest, for as easy and unexpectedly that love can enter your life, it can just as easily slip away........... and all to often, there is nothing you can do to stop this.

 

This is also the reason to maintain an independant aspect to your life, and ensure your life does not evolve solely around your partner. A partner is there to compliment your life, but not to be your life, for if they leave your life, you will feel like you are left with nothing.

 

I am very happy we did not end on bad terms and that I have not lost a friend, so if anything I may have lost in love, but I have won in friendship

 

From W.

[tom_gbr]

i dont know whats going on in my mind now and what im thinking...its been nearly two months now since me and my girlfriend have been apart and i still miss her and love her loads.

 

she needed time to be alone to sort everything in her life out....her home life hasnt been brilliant and i think a lot of things in her past are still affecting her. she is 16 and i am 20

 

i didnt take the break up well....she is my first love and she also took my virginity...i felt like it was the end of the world....i pleaded and begged for her to take me back...which wasnt good.

 

contact between us was ok for the first three weeks of the breakup but it went really silent after she sent me a text message saying that she is missing me and i sent one back saying that it was unfair her doing this ( i had a thread on it in the coping section ).

 

we havent had any proper contact in over two weeks now...im hating it...i thought if i break contact with her she might start to think about me and how much she misses me and will contact me....but she hasnt...i feel like shes drifting even further apart from me...its like shes moving on and im not.

 

she must still have some feelings for me as she said at the time we broke up that she still loved me...which was hard to hear.

 

im going to phone her mid week to find out how her easter has been and to see if shes ok...i really miss her.

 

ive accepted the fact that we are over and i know there is someone else out there for me who can love me as much and even more than she did, but right now i dont want someone else.

 

i dont even know if she is thinking about me anymore......is she moving on and im just stuck?

 

i want to know is there any chance of gettin her back?....i know i can make her happy which is what she needs right now.

 

the last time i spoke to her around three weeks ago it was an amazing converstaion..just like when we were going out....two days after the phone call i got a text message saying that she was missing me...i suppose im thinking if i phone her mid week and have a great conversation with her again and try and look like im moving on she might rethink her decision.

 

i know she doesnt need a boyfriend in her life right now but atleast she knows that im there when she does...im willing to wait.

 

what do i do?....is it possible to get her back?

[win1234]

I know how you feel. While I was with my ex, for 1 year and 6 months, she left me at one stage for a week. I thought the world had come to an end, and for days on end I was in tears. I truelly believed she was the right one.

 

6 months later it was me that ended the relationship. At times I stop and laugh to myself thinking how I was then, and how I am now.

 

Some relationships can be worked on, and wounds can be healed, but for others it is just best to move on. If I were saying that to myeslf 6 months ago, I would be telling myself, that I would not be able to deal with the pain of moving on - But you can move on. You really can. I have.

 

You are still very young, and there are plenty of ladies out there.

 

You might find someone the next week, or it may be a year, who knows ? As I said nothing is certain, that is why you need to move on, and continue getting on with your own life.

 

And dont look for a replacement for your girlfriend - "Going on the rebound " !! Dont just latch on to the first girl that shows an interest !! - Think about what you want in a girl and in a relationship, and to do that you need to think about what you want in your life. Finding new love can be very much about self-discovery.

 

Dont try and force her back into the relationship, if she does not want it in her life now, but do ask her to think about what she wants in her life and to give you an open and honest answer.

 

And also, dont wait around to long, give yourselves both the time to reflect on what you want in life, but its important to move on. Its very possible that she may decide not to continue the relationship, and who knows maybe if you reflect yourself, you may decide that its not best for either of you yourself

[tom_gbr]

thanks for the good advice but the thing is we didnt decide on a break she ended the relationship...but for the two weeks afterwards you could tell that she was missing me and that she still loved me....

 

i saw her two weeks after the break up for the first time and she told me that her feelings were still really strong untill the second week when i was still trying to get her back....but when i spoke to her the week after seeing her she seemed really happy that i called and the conversation was like when we were still seeing each other...it was great.

 

i know she must still have feelings for me....she must do after everything we have been through together.....fair enough we were only together six months but those six months were so amazing we did so much together that i never thought we would be doing.

 

im just going to call her tuesday or wednesday and try and have a great conversation with her as a friend...im going to tell her about everything that ive been doing and about my new bar job and about me joining the gym etc....maybe if she see's that im coping without her and moving on it might trigger something.

 

if anything i think it will make her realise that it's ok for her to ring me and talk to me if she needs me...i think at the moment shes thinking shes making it worse by contacting me because of the incident when she sent me that text message saying that she is missing me as i think my reply really hurt her feelings....i didnt explain what i mean though.

 

this is killing me as i know we are so good together....yes i may of been a little jealous and clingy but apart from that i didnt do anything wrong.....plus if there was a chance of us getting back together the jealousy would disappear as she would want me back because she needs me and i wouldnt be so clingy as i know what its like to not be in contact with her for a long period of time..if that makes any sense..i was always worried that if i didnt get in contact with her a lot she will think i dont care.

 

im just hoping she can realise that i have changed and you never know she might change her mind....maybe it might happen if she starts seeing someone else and she starts to realise that she wants what she had with me...i dont know

 

i think i would be happy right now if she would just feel confortable contacting me...hopefully after i speak to her mid week she will feel like she can

[zarathustra]

Thanks for the wise words, win. I'm glad all worked out.

 

My head knows you're right. My heart has some catching up to do.

[win1234]

No problem....

 

The trick is to try and get the heart and mind to work in Harmony, to get the best from both worlds.