jandm05 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 well my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years and it has been hard. he has an addiction problem and problems with abuse. we have both made much progress with all of our problems but i still find pills hidden in his shoes, his pockets and many other numerous places. i have tried to convince him to get professional help but he wont and it gets to the point where he is abusive. i love him so much and we have done so many great things together and i keep hoping and praying that it will get better. thats not all. in these years of our problems, his best friend has been close to me. he is like my best friend now and has helped me through this a lot. we fell in love three years ago. we never did anything sexual it was all talk. we connect on a whole new level that my boyfriend just doesnt get and it seems like since he started the pills he has changed and he doesnt even do things that he likes anymore... anyways.. his best friend and i made plans to run away together but i never got the guts to leave my boyfriend like that. because i didnt have the guts his best friend decided to get a girlfriend. they have been together for two years. we still speak of our feelings to eachother but we have had many arguments because he is mad at me for not leaving my boyf and even though i still think that his best friend is right for me its still hard to leave him. i just feel like i waited too long because now he wont leave her.he feels bad but thats why he stays with her. she knows that we have feelings for eachother and that it started before she came along so she hates me and hes not allowed to hang out anymore.i just dont know what to do or how to feel. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 You shouldn't be concentrating on some other guy as you need to straighten out yourself and the abusive relationship that you are in with an addict right now. Please get some help from your local domestic violence as soon as possible because getting yourself involved with another man who is your b/f's friend could get you seriously hurt and it's not a way out of your misery. You will only be inviting more misery in your life. Please get help and you deserve a whole man, not one crippled with addiction or abusive! Love should not hurt!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 My general ideology when it comes to relationships is that the individual takes precedent over their partner(s) well being. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. And at the moment you are not taking care of yourself. There are obvious exceptions to this rule which you are free to figure out on your own. In your case I wouldn't advocate the path that you are thinking in the slightest. Addicts are considered high-risk subjects for a reason, and it likely that the repercussions of your actions could leave him, this other man, or yourself harmed or dead. Since you have essentially dug yourself deep into a sh*t pit, have you considered the scorched earth technique? As in, dump all of your baggage, and start again with a clean slate. First off, if you are being physically or emotionally abused then their are support lines around to advise you. Also... i never got the guts to leave my boyfriend like that.You need more guts! How do you intend to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jandm05 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 thank you soo much. i have no idea how i could get the guts to leave him. I have tried before but i always change my mind and come back. and keep thinking that things will eventually change. I really care for him and everytime i think of leaving i think of how much worse things could get for him because he has overdosed before. I know that someday i will get the guts i just want him to be safe first. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 thank you soo much. i have no idea how i could get the guts to leave him. I have tried before but i always change my mind and come back. and keep thinking that things will eventually change. I really care for him and everytime i think of leaving i think of how much worse things could get for him because he has overdosed before. I know that someday i will get the guts i just want him to be safe first. How have you tried, j? How far have you got? If you don't want to be with him what draws you back? I think it's really important you think about this stuff because you can then predict what's likely to happen the next time around and work on tweaking the plan to give you greatest chance of success. Link to post Share on other sites
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