Falling for a FWB

[LSChic]

Hi LoveShack...

 

So, I just got out of a four year relationship and moved from the East coast to Alaska for the summer. I met a guy here who is completely incredible. We go on hikes together, kayaking, he's shown me the city and the mountains. We have a great connection both in bed and out of bed and he's just an all-around nice guy.

 

We've had a sort of FWB relationship. We interact like friends, don't really do anything romantic, and then sleep together, but of course I'm getting attached and completely falling for him.

 

I'm only on the West coast for 7 more weeks and then I'm going home. Obviously, he's very guarded because of this (or maybe he's just that way all the time). I'm wondering if I should tell him how I feel. I know the relationship isn't going to go anywhere because neither one of us wants a LDR, but there's a part of me that wants to tell him that I'm falling for him just to get it out there.

 

What do you guys think? If I tell him, will he run the other way?

[Dorie]

Hi LoveShack...

 

So, I just got out of a four year relationship and moved from the East coast to Alaska for the summer. I met a guy here who is completely incredible. We go on hikes together, kayaking, he's shown me the city and the mountains. We have a great connection both in bed and out of bed and he's just an all-around nice guy.

 

We've had a sort of FWB relationship. We interact like friends, don't really do anything romantic, and then sleep together, but of course I'm getting attached and completely falling for him.

 

I'm only on the West coast for 7 more weeks and then I'm going home. Obviously, he's very guarded because of this (or maybe he's just that way all the time). I'm wondering if I should tell him how I feel. I know the relationship isn't going to go anywhere because neither one of us wants a LDR, but there's a part of me that wants to tell him that I'm falling for him just to get it out there.

 

What do you guys think? If I tell him, will he run the other way?

 

It's impossible to predict how he'll react. I'm wondering what your motivation is for telling him about your feelings? Are you harboring a small hope he'd try a LDR?

[LSChic]

You know, it might be possible that I want a LDR. It's certainly not the most forefront idea in my mind, but, yeah, it might be a subconscious hope. He's made it clear that that's not something he wants, though.

 

I more just want the validation that he feels the same way. I don't really know why...maybe it's a self-esteem thing.

[cerridwen]

At least you're honest about your motivations.

 

Something tells me you're going to tell him and I think that's just fine.

If not telling him is something you'll regret later, better to do it.

Just speak your truth. And try to keep your expectations for reciprocity to a minimum.

 

You ask if he'll "run the other way." Doubtful, he knows you're leaving anyway. Plus, if you make it clear it's just something you needed to express and don't except a LDR out of it, it will take pressure off him.

[LSChic]

Oy...so this seemingly simple situation has gotten a little more complicated. Every day that goes by I'm getting more and more attached to this Guy. It has gotten to the point where I think I'm falling in love with him. I haven't told him anything about how I feel yet.

 

He still approaches me with the same lukewarm friendship we've always had. I'm obsessing like a little girl. How do I get him out of my mind so I can focus on other things?! I don't want to feel this way, I swear! How do you kill a senseless infatuation?

[LSChic]

Ok, so I told him how I feel.

 

He was non-responsive. He pretty much just said "I'm sorry I can't feel the same," and turned over and went to sleep. Ouch.

 

Part of me wants to follow him around like a puppy dog and a LARGE part of me is so embarrassed/angry that I never want to see him again. I'm really conflicted.

[Leigh 87]

You should stop seeing him; Eventually, it will not feel good to know that you really like ( if not love) a guy, who does not feel the same way about you.

 

On the other hand, if he had feelings towards you and felt the same way that you felt about him, it would have been a better out come. Even if he did NOT want a long term relationship, at least your short time with him would feel great.

 

I do not think you can feel "good hanging out" with a guy who yoour u really have feelings for, and to have sex with him, while he does nto return your feelings.

 

Trust me, it would never feel good being with a guy who you REALLY like, when he does not feel the same way about you ( no matter how short your time is with them!)

[cerridwen]

Ok, so I told him how I feel.

 

He was non-responsive. He pretty much just said "I'm sorry I can't feel the same," and turned over and went to sleep. Ouch.

 

Part of me wants to follow him around like a puppy dog and a LARGE part of me is so embarrassed/angry that I never want to see him again. I'm really conflicted.

 

It sucks...and at the same time, not a complete surprise, huh?

 

To address the anger, try to keep sight of the fact he was always honest with you about where he stood. And going in, you knew your confession might meet with this kind of reaction. It's hard to be angry at someone who's dealt with you honestly.

 

In terms of the embarrassment, take a couple of days to yourself and start emotionally reigning yourself back in. As humiliated as you feel, it could get worse and you don't want to embarrass yourself with any tearful pleas or big scenes. And yes, following him around like a puppy dog should be avoided at all costs.

 

You're in touch with the fact you are falling in love and want validation from this guy. I guess I don't have to tell you continuing the sex won't help any on that score.