Fell for a coworker

[Confused126]

PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ AND HELP ME IM SO LOST IN THIS CRAZY ROMANCE ‘’/

I apologize in advance for such a long post but I want to try and get almost every detail in. I don’t have many friends that I can confide in and out of my friends im usually the one they come to for great advice but im so lost in this situation that I cant take my own…

 

So I started working at a small car service center about a year ago. I was in an on-off relationship with my ex for about 2 years and we were on the verge of breaking up when I started there. I am not trying to sound conceited or cocky but I was basically the “hot new girl” in a service dept. of about 60 men and 5 women so I got a lot of attention from the men there. There was only one man I found to be my type and he gave me a lot of attention but we barely had the chance to really speak with each other because he worked in the back. Im 23, hes 25. He had an on-off girlfriend also for 4 years. I broke up with my ex a week after I started there and found my own apt after he kicked me out and started living the single life. Throughout the past year me and “J” would innocently flirt at work, he gave me his number a couple weeks after I started there but I never thought twice about calling him because I knew what a mess I would wind up in. I would be single, he would be with his girl then he would break up with her and id be with my ex. I gave my ex one last shot a couple months ago. J was moved up to the front, about 15 feet across from me. That’s when the problems with my ex were getting worse, and he was always there to make me feel better and laugh (only at work, I never contacted him outside of the office). He was broken up with his girl at this time for a few months already and told me he didn’t think they were getting back ever again, yet she stayed living in the house they bought together so I knew there was something still there. This lasted for about a month until I started to see him in a totally new light. I returned to work one day from my horrible lunch break I spent fighting with my boyfriend and told myself I would not let anyone see that I was upset. As soon as I sat in my chair he called me and asked me what was wrong with me and my heart sank to my stomach. I told him how did you know and his response was I know you and can read your eyes very well, I pay more attention to you here than anyone else here trust me. That did it for me. After a year of this guy complimenting me, chasing me, and flirting with me I started to fall for him. I found myself excited about going to work and dreading going home. I would come to work with puffy eyes from crying and fighting with my boyfriend and j would be there to call me and say your eyes are too beautiful to be puffed up like that over an ******* … im not hitting on you or trying to disrespect I just want the best for you and I don’t think this guy is it. You are wasting your time blah blah.

He never once disrespected me or tried to even take me out to lunch knowing I had a man. As the days started passing I began catching myself thinking more and more about j while I was at home with my man, this started to freak me out because as much as he played me in these past three years ive stayed faithful to him always and was pretty much blind to other men although I do catch a lot of attention I never gave in to anyone. I guess j started to fill in the gaps that my ex couldn’t fulfill. He knew how to compliment me, he would be the first to notice if something was wrong with me, always knew how to make me laugh, draw me things, but never ever disrespected me or tried to make me cheat or leave my man for him. Although j did not know this, My mind was working overtime being at home and thinking about him. Im very good at disguising my feelings, so he never knew how much I really liked him. After about two weeks of me thinking about him while I was at home , I got in a fight with my ex and kicked him out. I couldn’t take his **** anymore and definitely couldn’t live with myself knowing my happiness was no longer with him… I was done. Of course, the first person I called was j. he was totally surprised saying you’ve have my number for months and I never expected to pick up the phone and hear your voice on the other line. He invited me out to a club and we danced the night away and had a great time. I had to work the next day so we didn’t stay out until too late. When we left the club we kissed and it was everything I thought it would be like and more. He had always teased me about how much he wished he could kiss me and that he would kiss me one day blah blah he finally got it lol. Well we started talking more outside of the office, going to lunch together, and just basically getting to know the real us, in and outside of the workplace. A week after we started talking my bestfriend had invited me to her dads mansion at a beach that was about an hour drive away. It would be mostly couples in a big group. She knew about j because all I would talk about is him, but she never met him. I invited him a few days prior and he went. We had a good time drinking and at the pool and once we got inside our room things got pretty intense but we didnt have sex. When he went to take off my underwear I said no and he was surprised but happy at the same time. He said that he gained a ton of respect for me after that night…. The next day he left and I stayed at the beachouse with my friends for the rest of the weekend. He ended up texting me something that threw me off basically saying that he really liked me but wasn’t ready to fall into this that he could see it coming on. As much as it hurt me I acted like the hardass cold hearted chick ive always been around him and told him just cause I didn’t want to have sex with him so soon doesn’t mean I wanted something serious that I was single and just trying to have fun. He called me right away and he was very honest with me in telling me that him and his ex had a lot of unresolved issues he needed to clear up first. He knows how much I hate drama so he used that as his reasoning as well. They had bought a house together, cars under eachothers names, shared bank accounts and phones, basically a marriage without the label on it. He told me he knew he can catch feelings for me and quick but he didn’t want to hurt me or himself (he thinks cause I have all the guys in the office after me that im some sort of pimp which is so not the case lol) I told him I just got out of a relationship as well and am not ready to fall into anything serious soon. I asked if he just wanted to be friends at work he said no that he loves my company and has so much fun with me and still wants to get to know me. I agreed to it and after that talk its like he did the opposite of what he wanted to do. He started calling me more acting cute like almost boyfriend material. Would constantly send me cute texts at work, dreaming with me, dedicating me songs(not too lovey dovey though) and wanted to take breaks with me. We opened up to eachother a lot that week but there was no real talk about us catching feeling although I saw it happening and quickly. Then I saw him very upset one Friday and I knew he was on the phone with her. He had previously confessed to me that the reason they broke up is because she caught him cheating on her, that she was a good girl in the sense that she put up with his **** but she was extremely controlling and possessive/jealous, he tried to work it out but she didn’t want to blah blah. I asked him what was wrong and he said she was trying to get him to come home but he was very confused. I knew it was because of me but again since we are both very prideful we wouldn’t talk about how we felt for each other. I guess he let his actions do the talking because he told me to go to his brothers house that night (that’s where he had been staying at for the 2 months of being broken up with her) and I did. He was getting sick for the past month and started to feel very sick that night so I basically went to his rescue, took him medicine and soup. We stayed up for hours talking and laughing and again we got intimate on a bed but no sex, just a very hot 2 hour make out/grinding session. He cuddled with me throughout the night and the next morning saw me without my makeup on (I always am well made up and well kept for work) and he told me he finally sees the real me. I was like yeah im a mess lol and he said I was beautiful. I was going to leave but he told me to go get breakfast so we went to dennys and stayed there talking and laughing again for about 2 hours. I was about to go in my car when we got back to his brothers and he didn’t want me to go, he started playing music and we stayed in the car for about another hour just jamming(we both love music)… then I went home and he went to his parents house. I didn’t hear from him for the rest of the day which was weird I already had the feeling that he was with his ex. Sure enough, he texted me saying I hope your day is going well im sorry I haven’t hit you up im with the ex and don’t want any drama for you or I ill talk to you later take care….. that hit me like a slap in the face and I stayed home that sat night just contemplating what my next move would be. I decided to text him the next day and told him that I think its best we stick to our coworker relationship. I said that he was a great guy and great friend and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship however I was not going to be in the middle of some obviously unfinished business or even worse caught up in drama or feelings. He called me right away and told me he already caught feelings for me and that all of this came out of nowhere and that he could never have just an average friendship with me that I was already very special to him but that he needs to clear up everything. I agreed and didn’t see him for a week because he apparently got very sick and missed that whole next week of work. He tried contacting me and as hard as it was and as much as I missed him I wasn’t having it and kept cutting him off. The day before I knew I was going to see him I dyed my hair back to blonde so I knew I was going to make him eat his heart out when he saw me again(lol). Sure enough, my planned worked and he came to work saying he missed me and needed to have a serious talk with me. So we sat in my car after work and he basically told me he was angry at himself for what he did to me that he hates me being cold with him and that he never had the intention of hurting me. I finally opened up to him about everything that day feelings-wise on my behalf. I confessed I started to lose feelings for my ex because I started gaining feelings for him, and he told me that although in his heart he knows that his 4 year relationship deserves one more chance and if it doesn’t work out then he can finally give all of himself to someone… especially considering he was the one who screwed up and she still wanted to be with him, he knew he was going into it wrong because he had already caught feelings for someone else(me). He was surprised at how I felt and told me I do a damn good job at hiding my feelings because all along in the month we spent dating I made him feel like I wasn’t serious about him at all… he said that the time we had together was short but intense since it was so much time leading to it and tense being built up since I started there, he always felt an attraction even when him and his girl were doing fine he tole me he always liked me… He also said it wasn’t until he didn’t see my face for a week that he realized how much he truly liked me. He said he couldn’t stop thinking about me and it was affecting his relationship with her but that he didn’t want to give me false hope and was not going to be selfish and tell me to wait for him. I made it crystal clear that I am not a side dish and he cannot have his cake and eat it too with me. He said that when he was with me he never thought about her but for that past week he had been with her, he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I mentioned that I couldn’t live a double lifestyle but he could since he cheated on her for months with another chick. He said it was not at all comparable to us because the girl he cheated with was just a sex partner. He never caught feelings for her she wanted him so badly she didn’t care about being number 2 and that in 4 years he may have had sex with other chicks but that he never ever caught feelings for anyone except for me. He asked me to please be careful who I chose to be with me next because he cares deeply for me and only wants the best for me, he feels like my protector almost like a brother to me. He said I never want to see you come into that door with puffy eyes ever again. He apologized and told me to please stay his friend so I did.

 

 

 

We went to lunch a couple times, talked like always but he kept trying to flirt with me and tell me of songs that reminded me of him. He kept asking for talks and kept telling me that he couldn’t stop thinking about me. Every time I would try to pull away and act a little colder he would always find something to do to make me smile… He metioned he was about to throw away 4 years, a house, cars, etc to be with me but then again he didn’t know if he was to do all of that I might get snatched from him by another guy. That was the fist time he mentioned wanting to be with me. I didn’t kiss him or barely even let him touch me. He would try to grab my hand and I would pull away stating that he needed to treat me as the category he decided to put me in his life... He came into work one day and told me that he got in a fight with her. Mind you this was only 2 weeks after they got back together. He said it was because of me. She apparently looked through his phone and saw a text from me telling him he always knows how to make me laugh (he had pulled a prank on me) he was upset that she still didn’t trust him and of course I was there for him as the opposite of her telling him that insecurities kill and im not jealous at all that hes an idiot for putting up with that. He said he was pissed but couldn’t do much because he knew in his head that although out loud he told her theres nothing there, he knew in his heart there was something for her to be worried about…. And I of course made him smile and feel good at work. The next day I asked how things were he said ok, I said that doesn’t sound too convincing and he responded that he wasn’t too convinced anymore. I told him I realized I was the exact opposite of her, he agreed. Im tall with long blonde big lips big eyes, shes short with short dark hair, chinky eyes and thin lips. Don’t get me wrong shes very pretty, just very different from me. Plus shes jealous and im not. He added onto that that stating its not just about the looks, when hes with her he never laughs at home, due to the ****ed up relationship there in he barely even smiles or has fun with her anymore, im the one who makes him laugh and feel alive basically. Now although he told me he didn’t want me to put my life on hold and wait for him I knew In my heart that I was waiting, and that he was giving me signs that I should wait whether it was through comments or songs. I know his relationship will never work out it is like me and my ex theres has been too much poison fed into it… only difference is he fed the poison and I was given it. As much as guys try to talk to me I don’t care anymore, I feel like ive fallen in love with this man and its crazy I know but I feel like he is my soulmate. I have never had a guy read my mind and say the things I want to say but have too much pride to say it. He knows me and has shown more concern about my well being than my ex of 3 years. I would go home and think about him knowing he was with his girl at home thinking about me. I had told him not to call me outside of the workplace and he respected it but every morning he would come into work telling me how badly he wanted to call me the night before. Yesterday was Friday and I got upset because it was going to be the third weekend Id go home on a Friday and look forward to Monday- dreading the weekend because I knew he was going to be with her and I would be out thinking about him. Don’t get me wrong, I do not stay at home waiting and I do get attention from guys, I just don’t care for it anymore, the only person I have chemistry with is J. Everywhere I go he is on my mind and I hate it. My ex has tried to contact me more than ever I don’t even care for it anymore. He always told me if I wanted him to stop expressing himself to me to just tell me and although he’d be pissed for a few days he would respect my wishes. Yesterday there was a fine I mean gorgeous looking customer that came in and was flirting with me. J got jealous as he always used to before we even dated. He started to tell me whats up with that wack guy with a sweaty back you can do so much better than that and I had to laugh because he was acting so childish and just being a big time jealous hater. We always joke about being the most hated at work and out because all the women who work there like him and hate me, and all the men who like me there hate him, plus wherever we would go we were the center of attention. I tricked him and asked him what would you do if I was to tell you I gave him my number and he got upset saying that the guy didn’t compliment me standing next to me that he is better and even though he knows hes an idiot and is regretting his choices more and more by the day, he cannot stand back and watch me move on with the wrong guy. I started to get upset and finally told him hey if you think your so much better that why in the hell are you not making moves with me? Oh I know why, its because you GOT BACK YOU’RE YOUR GIRLFRIEND, now you get to spend the weekend with her and I get to feel like an idiot! I never have said anything like that before to him. I got pissed because I realized even though I refuse to be the other girl, he was treating me as if I was his girl when in reality I wasn’t. I woke up and said to myself I need to stop this, he is going home to her everynight and having fun with me every day at work… its one or the other. I finally told him yesterday (fri afternoon) that it needed to stop. He asked me to go see him before I left, and like usual he knew exactly what was on my mind just by looking at me he said I had a disgusted look and that’s exactly what I felt(I hate him for knowing me so damn well lol) so I went to his desk, sat down in front of him and seriously asked him to his face if he wanted me to get over him and move on… he didn’t answer… he has my name as one of his passwords to get into a program and apparently it was going to expire in a few days and he tried changing the subject with that, I said no j, answer me right now, you told me a few minutes ago that you don’t mind me moving on just as long as its with the right person so tell me are you sure you want me to get over you? He said-I cant answer that, and I told him well you need to it’s a yes or no question. He then said much more complicated than a yes or no answer but if your insisting then I can tell you that as much of an idiot I already feel like for making the selfish decision I made that feels more like a mistake everyday, I cannot continue being so selfish and telling you to wait so Im going to have to say yes – he was going to continue talking but I told him say no more, you’ve said enough now on Monday your going to have to come here with a new attitude because im letting you know right now that I will be walking in here with a new attitude, enjoy your weekend. I got up and left I can tell he was hurt but not as badly as me. I cried for this man… never in three years have I cried for anyone except for my ex boyfriend and ive dated other guys when me and my ex would brake up. Ive gotten disappointed, but never truly hurt in my heart. I don’t know how to deal with this and I do not know if ive made a mistake. I know the person I want I j, although theres many things he doesn’t know about me yet, and although he has never really seen the bad side of me when im angry, I feel like this man has gotten to know me so well and has remembered every detail about me for the past year and can read my face and shows genuine concern for me more than anyone ive ever met. Im not sure if this has to do with us working together that gives every little detail in the past year that much more meaningful since weve crossed the coworker/friend line, but all I know is no man has ever looked at me the way he does or get shy when he comes up to me, drops stuff when hes around, get red when I flirt with him, bumps into stuff while hes walking because hes busy starring at me. I am not sure where this road will take me and I know I need to give it time that 4 years is not that easy to move on from… all I know is I want to be with him but I refuse to be his second plate, even if I am might increase our feelings and maybe being 2nd might eventually wind me up as 1st, I don’t want to. I am confused as to what to do to have him… is pulling away going to help me or screw me? I don’t even know if im truly strong enough to pull away since I have to see his face and be around him every day…I don’t want to break up that relationship I already know with or without me in the picture it is destined to fail. I just want to know what steps can I take to maybe have him choose me? Ah im so ashamed to even have to say this I know I can find another man but like I mentioned earlier he is the one that I want… HELP!!!!! TIA

[OldOnTheInside]

Please use more paragraphs in the future. Much appreciated.

 

To answer your question...

 

Depending on how patient and tolerant you are, there is no logical reason why this man would be worth all the trouble of wooing away from his girlfriend.

 

But I theorise that you enjoy both the ego boost, and the drama that it would bring. Would I be correct with that theory?

 

Seems like it would be best to distance yourself emotionally, and move on with your life rather than walk into a sh*tstorm.

[BB07]

First paragraphs, it's soo long and unbroken that it's barely readable but I get the gist of it.

 

In spite of your protests of you not liking drama, sounds like you are loving every bit of this and hey this guy sounds like a real dreamboat (NOT), who has a self confessed history of cheating and didn't it occur to you that the reason his live in is jealous is because of his history????

 

You and he both have worked up a fantasy of sorts and you and him both are playing games, yes games and sorry to be so blunt but just because you aren't having intercourse with him, don't let yourself believe you are primary and not the side dish because you are and that is what you will be signing up for unless you put a halt to the games and the mind ****s.

 

The best thing you can do (but you probably won't) is run away from this bad boy.........cause he is a real bad boy and he will hurt you, twist you like a pretzel and you'll be a messed up young woman when he gets done with you IF you allow it. NO good can come from it, but I doubt you can see that now. The warning flags are firing in your brain but you aren't heeding them and I wonder will you? You know on some level how bad this is..........right?

 

Age and experiences speaking here about the bad boys as I've known a few.