masked_man Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 G'day all, first time poster from Australia here. I'm trying to make sense of something that has been going on for a while now. Basically there's a woman (she's about 30 and works in marketing, btw) who lives and works near where I live. To cut a long story short, despite two plus years of trying, I have never been able to get together with her. If I was on the chase, she'd show disinterest and resistance. When I backed off (for instance during times I was dating other people) she'd start coming on. It went on like this for about 12 months. Finally to bring matters to a head, I asked her to have a coffee, to "clear the air". She agreed to meet me, but stood me up. No apology, no explanation, was ever forthcoming. Ok fine, the writing was on the wall, and I decided to have nothing more to do with her. BUT, a few months after that she starts up the come on act (that is, smiles, "puppy dog" eyes, etc) again, as if nothing had happened! Despite no response on my part, this carried on for another year!! When I didn't respond, she became moody, sulky, and quite bad tempered at times. I continued to ignore her. As time passed, she started to look depressed (to put it mildly) and even put on a little weight. I considered trying to talk to her again, but remembering her past evasive behaviour, decided I would be wasting my time. If she had bothered to step forward and offer an apology for her past conduct I would most likely have let it all go, and given it another try with her. Now she is seeing another man. But has her attitude changed? No! She still gives me a combination of sad looks, glares, and bad attitude!! What's her game? Surely she'd be happy now she has someone else? I would like to forget this, but it is rather hard while she continues to grate at me. Living close by doesn't help matters either, and we often run into each other at the local shops, etc. It's my guess she's not happy with the way things ended up, but doesn't seem to have the guts to speak up for herself. Confrontations, of any sort, are things she seems to avoid. To summarise; something happened between us, I tried to get together with her, she resisted, but when I backed off, she became resentful. She was rude, never apologised, and seemed bewildered that I subsequently avoided her. She never makes any direct moves herself. I want to move on, but now she tries to land guilt trips on me, and despite her having a new b/f, her attitude is unchanged... what the?!?! What do you think? Was I too harsh on her? How do I deal with her now? As I say, I'd like to leave this behind, but it seems she won't let it go. I mean she has a b/f, she could hardly think I'm going to pursue this now?!? Thanks for reading, sorry for such a long post! Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 OK --you never HAD anything with this woman and tried for two years to get it going. You showed interest, she backed off...you backed off she showed interest--classic cat and mouse. I say, let her go, and ignore he moods, et al. You apparently were NEVER an item and it seems like she has come commitment issues--I mean you are not talking marraige at this point! You sound reasonable and made all the right overtures to see if there was something there and she could not even commit to a cup of coffee. How does this have a future? Let her go and be with her current boyfriend, find yourself a nice new girl--Austrailia is a big country and have a blast. Let her worry about the one who got away for a chance! Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I agree with Soccor on this...and let me add to be thankful that you never got involved with her. Can you imagine what she would have been like to deal with if you had had a relationship with her, and then things didn't work out? Truthfully, she sounds like a miserable person determined to bring you down with her. Do like Soccor said and move on...find yourself someone worthy of your time that doesn't play stupid games as such. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 ...stop agreeing with me! Link to post Share on other sites
cowgirl Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I had to reply to this one seeing Im an aussie girl in australia finding it VERY hard to meet someone without issues or hangups as well. I reckon give her the flick mate. I agree what the others said, if she can't commit to a coffee how can she commit to anyone else. Seeing she has a new bf now maybe you should try move on to. Am I right in saying it sounds like you still have a bit of a softspot for her if her actions are still bothering you even though she supposedly moved on with someone else? Oh well, you'll get there. 'Try not to let her bother you and just do your best to move on. Cheers & Good Luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Originally posted by soccorsilly ...stop agreeing with me! Sorry LOL I give credit where credit is due Link to post Share on other sites
Author masked_man Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Hey guys, thanks for your comments and wisdoms! I won't deny it, I do have a soft spot for her (still). I also realise that I am wasting my time trying to make anything come of this "situation" though. I guess what is really eating me is her on-going attitude. I have kept away from her for over a year now. Doesn't that say something to her? And really I would have thought that once she met someone else, she would have maybe let it go herself. Her actions don't strike me as those of someone who has moved on. I'm just wondering what she hopes to achieve. I'm not sure if there are any "answers" to this, but it sure is good to vent. Thanks again guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 It's OK to have a soft spot for her, and what you have done to handle this has been the smart thing to do, and the not-so-easy thing to do...to avoid someone you have a spark for. There's no telling what her agenda is, or what her motives are. You only know what yours are. Continue to move on from her, and you will find true happiness with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
sandymouche Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 She is obviously a sociopath. Forget her. If she were 16, this type of behavior would make sense. For a 30-something, it's an indication that she needs therapy, or medication. Or both. You seem like a very sweet man, and you deserve someone who's straight up with you. There is PLENTY of attractive single women out there! /sandy Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 She isn't worth wasting another thought on. Talk about a loony. Link to post Share on other sites
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