Just another heartbroken guy who got dumped.

[yulaw911]

Hey guys,

 

First off i want to say ive found this forum so exteremly helpful, ive been reading threads for the past few weeks to help me with stuff and its helped a lot.

 

Long story short, me and my ex went out for 2 and a half years before she broke up with me in 2007. I handled it ok, i was pretty hurt but i accepted it and moved on. A year and a half passed and she she started calling me and texting me to tell me that she missed me a lot and that she regretted her decision to break up with me. I obviously didn't buy into her **** and told her that it didn't work the first time it wouldn't work the second time. She kept persisting and i eventually found out that she had kept an online journal during the time we broke up. I asked her if i could read it and she flat out refused. It took me awhile to convince her to let me read it but once i did the stuff in there really made me feel for her. She had stuff in there about how she cried about me for months and months thinking she had made the right decision but didn't know why she was still feeling like this. I also found out that during the time we broke up she became clinically depressed and she was reaching out to me. I have a heart so i started taking care of her and making sure she got the right help and payed for her treatment and got her medication. I live in southern california and shes up north and some nights shed say she was craving some type of food and i would drive 4 hours to go bring it to her. Stupid i know but hey we all do crazy things when were in love.

 

So all while im helping her she started to treat me like **** again. She would snap at me randomly and wouldn't be nice at random times and would get VERY cold. I didn't hold it against her because i knew her depression was affecting her. One time during her episodes we were arguing over the phone and she hung up and i kept calling her for about an hour and after she picked up she said shed been in an accident. My heart dropped because i felt like i caused her to cry which led to her accident. After a month she told me that she crashed her car into the median on purpose because she felt like she couldn't live anymore. This made me feel horrible and i showed her even more love after this. Im not going to sit here and act like im a saint. I have some anger issues myself, i never hit her or anything like that but i got mad/ annoyed quick and id say messed up stuff to her when i was provoked. I even got that under control for her. It was the hardest thing in the world but i started falling for her again. After a year went by she starting feeling better and i started to get distant from her, i had grown weary of always taking care of her and not being taken care of in return. She realized this i think and started trying to take care of me. She came to me about a month before she broke up with me and told me that she realized that she really loves me and that its my time to just sit back and have her take care of me. I guess all the stuff she had said or did to me in the past made me resent her a little bit.

 

So id snap at her more quickly and be mean more often but i would always tell her that i was sorry so quickly and would tell her that i need to get help for my anger. She would say its ok and that we'll work on it and stuff. We had all these plans to get married and things were definitely in the works.

 

We got together when i was 18 and she was 16 and now we're 21 and 23. Then one day last week i was upset about my favorite sports team losing and i kinda snapped at her and it led to a huge argument and she just said "i cant take this anymore i cant handle you" and left. Not gonna lie guys...i was so hurt. I then started yelling and cussing at her for being weak and not willing to be there for me when i need her. Not being there for me when im dealing with my anger issues. I felt like it wasn't HUMAN to turn someone away whos TELLING them that they need their support at a time like this not abandonment. I did so much for her guys..driving her food in the middle of the night and a 4 hour drive was just the tip of the iceberg. Is it just me? Am i being stupid for feeling like this? I always at least expected her to be there for me at least when i admit that i have some anger issues that i WANT to take care of. It just hurts.

 

I admit i went a little crazy and "stalkerish" after the whole situation but love really does bring the worst out of us sometimes. She started ignoring me for about a week until i drove to her house and i knocked on her window to tell her that we needed to talk but she refused and told me to wait by my car, while i waited by my car she had called the police. Looking back on it it did look very creepy but in my mind i was just trying to talk to her. I dont drink nor smoke and ive never even gotten a speeding ticket before and now she was calling the police on me? Seemed like something out of the Maury show. This happened about 3 weeks ago and ive gone NC since then.

 

Some days i feel great and content knowing that it wasn't going to work out but there are other days where i miss her so damn much. She's all ive ever known, when you pretty much text someone every day for the past 4 years and suddenly you have to stop it just kills me. Well yesterday i gave in because i was feeling like things didn't add up and that maybe she had found someone else during the end of our relationship or at least had her eye on someone else. So i checked her twitter and big mistake...i found a tweet saying "He has put me in an amazing mood once again, salon, swimming, dinner and dancing tonight!" This just wrecked me. I was feeling decent and ok and sort of content with things because i didn't think shed find someone else THREE weeks after we broke up. I guess im just really hurt that she could do something like this to me. I was there for her during her darkest time and when i needed her she abandoned me. To make matters worse she made me look like the bad guy with the police and her friends and IM the one who looks like i have issues. I go through periods where i feel angry and want to get even with her but other times i just want to forget she ever came into my life. I DID forget about her after we broke up the first time and i remember looking back and thinking "What the hell was i thinking with her?" How do i stop myself from thinking all these horrible thoughts of her and this new guy? I find myself constantly picturing them holding hands or sharing a kiss and it brings me to my knees. I cried a lot last night because i just couldn't hold it in anymore. I dont know what to do im so lost.

 

Im really sorry about this long post i just needed to get my feelings out in the open.

 

Ian

[wilsonx]

sorry bro, it happens to umm all of us here =( shes just immature. I'm dealing with one now. I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like her. Look dont worry about what shes doing now and whos shes with now, worry about what YOU are doing now and who YOU are going to be with now or in a few weeks. Long term relationships suck when they end. I had put a wall up for years protecting myself from this and then the one person I thought I could trust, my best friend of 2 years plus dated for another year and a half: lied, cheated, lied lied to me and i FINALLY caught her and she broke up with me. For the longest time, I thought it was my fault, but after 3 weeks, I realized it was her fault, she was the problem not me, I could barely come up with 5 positive qualities about her, all my friends positive qualities about her was she was pretty (THATS IT) HUGE RED FLAG I MISSED HUGE!!!!!

 

Best thing I can tell you, put boundries up now, go No contact now, DO NOT RESPOND TO HER AT ALL (You will hate yourself) We have been broken up for 3 weeks now and I keep breaking NC but today is the day Im standing my ground. Im changing my phone number on Friday, leaving her number out of it. Im just tired of dealing with her immature @ss. You will find someone better out there as I know I will

[light_vader]

Hey there Ian.

 

Long story... and at times it smells like my own.

My ex has some mental issues herself, maybe it's the way she grew up. And I think I made the mistake of not being the thinking man I am and breaking up with her for good when I did for the first time, 3 months into the relationship.

 

Seems like you guys had a very tormenting one.

I know it's tough. And it's very recent. If you want just read some of my posts (stalk me on LS hehehe) and you'll see the progress I've made.

 

I know you start feeling like she's everything to you. Like you wake up and say "Damn now I can't even SMS her...". And then you can't do all of those "nice" things with her.

Then comes a point when you might want to spit some anger and say hurtful things at her... maybe even blame her for all.

There is nobody to blame you know? Relationships don't work for several reasons, but in the end is both parties' fault.

When you have differences with a given loved one, you can either work them out if you think they WON'T cross your boundaries, or give in the identity of either.

But sometimes those differences like the ones you had just... don't cut it and either or both will get hurt in the process.

 

Look. Life is beautiful. It's full with tons of amazing things.

Why settle for unhappiness? Why aim for conformism.

There are a lot of other girls out there (yes, at first one feels like there aren't) who will not only be better in your eyes but also will share your view in life and with whom perhaps you can end up having a much better, healthier relationship with, even if it ends in a breakup.

[yulaw911]

thanks guys. i appreciate the kind words. Its just hard for me to come to grips with the way things ended. I feel like i left some things out so ill elaborate a bit. We were each others firsts for everything and we had stayed virgins through it all. About 2 months before we broke up she kept pressuring me and really forcing me to have sex with her. Now im not a prude or anything like that i just didn't get why the sudden rush to have sex while things weren't even going well with us. But i ended up just going through with it and a month later we had that big fight i talked about above and she broke up with me.

 

Why would she pressure me to have sex with her if she was wasn't very "serious" with me? It just seemed really odd to me. I always felt like i was walking on eggshells during the relationship. She lied to me about numerous things like "making out" with one of my good friends but i still forgave her. I caught her red handed doing so many horrible things to me but she would always start crying and sobbing and id forgive her.

 

She was a good girl at one point i dont know where she changed. She never was the type to go out clubbing and drinking or anything like that. Shes been clubbing maybe ONCE or twice max. She has never drank before either and now i hear shes drinking and taking shots. When i saw her twitter i also saw that she had been going clubbing two nights in a row. She seems like a COMPLETELY different person to me. It kills me because i feel like such a damn food to be duped like that. I honestly thought of her as family, After 4 years of being in a relationship you really do feel like you have a good idea of how someones personality and character is but now i dont know what to believe.

 

I know i sound like a whiney person but im actually a very happy person normally but this has completely knocked me on my butt. Ive read up on Borderline Personality Disorder and she seems to fit the symptoms to a T, down to the promiscuity and mood swings. I feel like i may just be looking for a way to blame her behavior on some external things. I don't want to be with this girl because i know im better off without her and not having to deal with her drama in the future if we ever got married.

 

She didn't even give me a proper explanation to why we broke up. Her excuse was "we have just grown apart" but just one month ago she was telling me she loved me and didn't want to lose me and wanted me to have sex with her? I guess what im trying to say is ive accepted that its over but the sheer inhumanity of it to me is just unfathomable. How do you treat someone who was there for you during your darkest hour so horribly and disrespectfully as she did to me? Yeah i messed up and called her mean names and things after we broke up but it just seems so wrong to me.

Edited June 20, 2011 by yulaw911
Adding spacing for an easier read

[wilsonx]

She has GIGS... grass is greener syndrome... it sucks dude, read about it on the breaks and breaking up forum... look for homebrew's post explaining it, it may be on the 2nd or 3rd page

 

Read it 100xs and let her go and you worry about yourself, trust me im dealing with the same crap now...

 

I actually had Gigs 7 years ago and went on an 11 month bender and used my ex 2 times as a rebound of a rebound. she doesnt know what shes doing and neither did i. Stay away please for your sanity

[wilsonx]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ read about it man and let her go, theres nothing you can say or do, just better yourself

[yulaw911]

Thanks for taking the time out to find that thread for me ive been reading it and its very helpful. I feel ok and ready to face the thought of living without her and never talking to her again but as soon as i step outside and see a happy couple i immediately think of her and my heart just sinks and i feel this sick feeling in my stomach. Im trying to exercise more to take my mind off of things but i cant shake the thought of her and this other guy holding hands or worse having sex. I know im thinking about all these crazy scenarios and im being irrational i just cant help it. I feel like all the good in me has been sucked out. I feel like a slave to my mood swings. There are times where im happy and other times where i feel like i cant cope and i break down. I dont know how i can cope with this. I want to just wake up one morning soon without thinking about her and forget she ever existed but i know im just being stupid.

[Duckduckgoose]

She's crazy and mental. Don't let her manipulate you into being with her, cause thats what it sounds like.

[Timbo22]

Hey man I feel your pain, I'm going through the same thing right now so your not alone. 3 1/2 yrs down the drain it seems like. We were both each others 1st loves. It's crazy how similar are stories are, How we can be there through everything and SUPPORT then. My ex told me she didn't know what she would do without me because of the backbone I gave her. (She had low self esteem and BIG TIME insecurities issues.) I changed my lifestyle for her, and lost alot of good friends. I know now that this was unhealthy, but the simple fact is I LOOKED passed EVERYTHING for her. All her flaws, I simply fell in love with them. The bond we had I thought was impenetrable. She told me she loved me 1st, she told she wanted to marry me as well more then anything.

 

So lets Fast-Forward to January of this yr. A week before she breaks up with me she was so happy that our next semester school schedules are going to allow us to see each other more and study together. (I was so happy too because she is so smart.) Well the next week I pick her up from her dorm and she had a sad dopey face on her. She hit me with it that night.. "I need some space" I panicked, I couldn't believe it and I did everything wrong, begged, pleaded, letters. I was blind-sided as I never saw it coming.

 

I never got an answer to why we broke up, Until I bumped into her best friend who was also a good friend of mine and she told me. She felt like she was missing out on the college life with me. I was too controlling, and would get mad if she talked about partying. Well looking back at it, yes I guess i was a little to controlling... That wasn't me though, and she was 10x worse then me when we 1st dated. Its like I inherited her problem because before we met I was never insecure. It stung knowing I looked passed it for her, and it sucks knowing we could have worked it out. Because I stopped partying for her. I had trust issues with her because of her past, and it was bad let me tell you... I guess it just scared me a bit.

 

 

Sure enough she changed her lifestyle starting partying hard, doing every fun thing you could possibly imagine. She just started dating a guy who was pursing her when we were 1st dating lol pretty ironic 4 yrs later almost. I Found all this out about a week ago through a friends facebook. It crushed my heart and Im a mess cause of it. MY best-friend gone, in someone elses arms.

 

The best part about all of this is i got all my friends back and made alot of new ones, Im in the best shape of my life too. But I would do anything for a 2nd chance, I seriously found myself again and wish she could see that....

 

I thought I would share my story with you, and I still almost feel like day 1.

[reimeivn]

I think thats what happened to me too. My ex hanged out with this group of people, became popular, made friend with only female, then he dumped me. My ex was just not honest about it. Lucky me I dont talk to any mutual friend anymore.

[BlindRage]

Hi Yulaw911,

 

Sorry that you're here, but this is a great and helpful website once you start understanding the advice people give you, and applying it to your situation.

 

I don't want to sound mean but I laughed when I read your post. Not in a "thats funny or being mean sense", but rather of fully understanding EXACTLY where you are coming from. I've experienced the same as you (heck even the long drive -except my ex was just 2 hours away not 4-). I couldn't take the fact that she stopped caring about me from night to day -literally- so I drove down to her city. She agreed to meet up with me, we talked; I asked her if she could at least tell me what she truly felt to my face. I received the "I don't love you at ALL anymore" speech. Picture all your world falling apart and your life... in a way.. ending, all in front of your face, within a second. That's how it seemed. She stormed out of the car after. I got out walked, after her saying "please talk to me", for about 40 feet, she crossed the street, I stopped and got back in my car. Drove all those two hours crying my eyes out (I'm shocked I didn't get pulled over or crashed). I got home and went crazy(I got stalkerish and all that bad stuff, even after she told me all that), lol .

 

The positive update now:

It's been a few months that I haven't spoken to her. I used to avoid certain areas in my city because they were "triggers" -makes you remember the 'old-times' and you just become depressed-. Lately, I've been able to go to those areas and at times not even remember her. I have been able to smile and have fun with my family again. I have been able to think about a great future even if it doesn't involve her. I have been improving... Believe me, if I can improve and be happy again SO CAN YOU.

 

I guess my point is that, it's fresh to you still. It'll sting like hell when you think of her, so try to avoid it. These times do pass and when they do.. this is how the pattern works; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; . I feel this is how it eventually works out in the end.

 

One thing I always remember is.. Life is really short, try to enjoy the limited time you have and experience new things, don't dwell on the negative. It's not worth the time you waste away.

Edited June 20, 2011 by BlindRage

[wilsonx]

good post blind

[yulaw911]

Thank you all so much for your responses and a special thanks to Homebrew and Blindrage.

 

Homebrew- That was exactly my problem. I have this innate desire to know the reasoning behind EVERY decision made in the relationship. I know now that i can't force something like that and that i may never get an explanation for what she did to me. Ive accepted the breakup and dont have a desire to be with her just because i obviously dont want to deal with walking on eggshells my entire life. I was doing fine until i heard she found a new person. ALL i can do for the past two days is think about them being happy and her moving on so quickly and picturing them together and doing all sorts of things sexually or not. All these feelings have made me feel like im emotionally unstable because my mood swings are so pronounced. I try SO hard to not think about her but the more i seem to push her out of my head the more i find myself thinking about her? I cant seem to get a grasp on my emotions and control my thoughts from spiraling out of control .

 

Blindrage- Your story sounds almost EXACTLY like mine. After the big fight i drove myself home crying and speeding its a miracle i got home safely. I just feel stupid at the end for helping her when she needed me. Sad thing is she came to me in the exact same way crying and begging me to be in her life again because she couldn't bear the thought of not having me in her life anymore and how the years we were together were the best times of her life. I took her back in a heartbeat because i felt bad for her but in time i fell in love with her again. I guess what im trying to say is i expected more from someone i helped out from a deep dark part of their life and not the level of just "messed up-ness" she showed me. I know karma does always bite everyone in the ass but i know by the time it does i wont care anymore. I feel if i can get my jealousy under control i will be in a really good place as i dont want a relationship with her. Right now im not even sure what emotions to feel. You hit it on the head, sometimes i feel content and tell myself that ill be ok and stronger in the end, and sometimes i want to get even with her for what she did to me and sometimes i just feel like crap thinking that this new guy might be better than me. Sorry for sounding like a whiney woman.

[yulaw911]

Why must the mornings be so horrible? I go to bed feeling decent but when it comes time to wake up i just want to lay in bed for hours and i find myself hurting really badly during my shower or on my drive to work.

[stace79]

It sounds like BOTH of you have some mental/emotional issues. Reading this it sounds like you are not good for each other. You may love each other, but your relationship is extremely unhealthy. Sometimes even someone you love can bring out the worst in you, and in that case you have to do what is best and right, and that is to move on. Get help on your own. Learn to stand on your own two feet and solve your anger issues.

 

If someone tells you they can't see you anymore, the appropriate thing to do is tell them calmly what you want and how you feel, and then if they still insist on breaking up, you let them go. Don't show up at her house, don't keep calling or sending letters. That is a very fine line between concern and becoming obsessive. I can see how she might have been a little disturbed, even if you didn't intend to frighten her.

 

My suggestion is to keep up the NC. See someone about your anger. You can't always use the excuse of "I have anger issues" but never try to change your behavior. You will continue to have problems with whomever you're with in the future.

 

Do good to yourself and work on your own issues. Let her go. Things will all work out. I think it is good you guys got out of that situation, because your insecurities and issues seemed to be feeding off the other.

[Downtown]

Yulaw, I agree with you that your exGF's behavior exhibits several strong BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) traits. Of course, only a professional can determine whether those traits are sufficiently severe and frequent to constitute "having BPD," i.e., having it at a level of severity meeting the diagnostic criteria. Yet, because you've been dating her for several years, spotting the red flags (i.e., strong traits) should not be difficult because there is nothing subtle about symptoms such as verbal abuse, suicide threats, black-white thinking, emotional instability, and the push-away and pull-back cycle -- all of which you have already seen.

I have a heart so i started taking care of her and making sure she got the right help and payed for her treatment and got her medication.

To have kept returning to her for several years, you likely are an "excessive caregiver" (i.e., a non-controlling codependent) like I am. If so, your desire to be needed (for what you can do) far exceeds your desire to be loved (for the man you already are). I mention this because, if you are an excessive caregiver, you are at risk of running right into the arms of another woman just like the one you left. For us caregivers, the "vulnerability" that BPDers project so well is like catnip and we tend to mistake being needed for being loved -- to the point that we can have a hard time feeling loved if the person does not also desperately need us. I therefore agree with Stace that you may benefit from at least a few sessions with a therapist to discuss codependency and your anger issues.

I have this innate desire to know the reasoning behind EVERY decision made in the relationship.

Trying to satisy that desire is a prescription for extreme frustration when you are in a LTR with a BPDer. Such a person often has no logical reasoning behind her decisions. They are often backed up, instead, only with feelings that are so intense that the BPDer is convinced they MUST be right. Yet, if you insist on a logical explanation, she will do her best to produce one -- which is why BPDers produce the most convoluted, ridiculous explanations -- so absurd that you wonder how an adult can say such a thing while keeping a straight face. She is able to accomplish that feat because, when her feelings are so intense, she splits off the logical adult part of her mind. You are left arguing, then, with the intuitive "child" part of her mind.

After a month she told me that she crashed her car into the median on purpose because she felt like she couldn't live anymore.

Like your exGF, my exW threatened suicide on many occasions. Such threats and suicidal ideation are common for high functioning BPDers (those with strong traits) but -- unlike the low functioning BPDers -- they rarely follow through on the threat.

Not being there for me when im dealing with my anger issues. I felt like it wasn't HUMAN to turn someone away who's TELLING them that they need their support at a time like this not abandonment.

As I've explained in other threads, BPDers have an arrested emotional development that is stuck at about age four due to genetics and/or childhood abuse (or abandonment). On top of that, they are emotionally unstable and have a fragile sense of who they are. It therefore is not surprising that you cannot rely on such an immature and unstable person during the hard times. Indeed, you cannot rely on her during the good times either. Because she is incapable of trusting you for very long, she can turn on you -- with a vengeance -- at any time (good or bad).

while i waited by my car she had called the police.

As I said, a BPDer can turn on you at any time -- and almost certainly will. But you got off easy that time. The last time my exW had a temper tantrum in my presence, she was chasing me room to room. When I retreated into one bedroom, she proceeded to attack the door -- so I pushed her away from door, causing her to trip and fall backwards onto the floor. Here where I live, that act constitutes a misdemeanor. She called the police and had me arrested, claiming I had "brutalized" her.

 

High functioning BPDers are very believable to other people such as police, casual friends, and strangers. One reason is that they generally are very good actors. Another is that their temper tantrums are rarely triggered by those people because they pose no threat of abandonment (no relationship to abandon) or engulfment (no intimacy that can engulf them). You therefore should expect to lose most of your mutual friends because none of them can imagine that your exGF would lie about her allegations concerning you. They likely have never seen her dark side.

 

Yulaw, your experience with your exGF reminds me a lot of Inigo's experience with his BPDer exGF. If you would like to read my posts in his thread, they start at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2826453#post2826453. If you have any questions, I would be glad to try to answer them or point you to online resources that can. Take care of yourself, Caregiver.

[yulaw911]

Downtown- You have no idea how much your post helped me yesterday, i really appreciate you actually reading and analyzing my post completely. Im glad our relationship is over and that im moving on but I guess im still left with the feelings of how she did me wrong. I could whine on and on but i know im just going to have to suck it up and move past this. A funny story occurred to me while i was reading Inigos story, my ex called me crying one day because she told me she overheard her mother on the phone saying that out of all her children she was the one who had a "bad heart". I think when your own mother feels that way about you it usually says something.

 

What really confuses me is the fact that in the two months prior to before we broke up she was on her "best behavior" around me. She would show me SO much affection and showered me with attention. It seemed odd to me because it didn't seem like her. It seemed like she was trying REALLY hard to win my affection. As such, i didn't quite feel comfortable around her because something just didnt seem right. It felt like she was "trying too hard", i remember asking her quite a few times if everything was ok and that if she has a problem with anything im doing or saying to come to me and tell me and that wed work on it. Shed always say "relax babe! things are going great why are you making problems out of nothing?" Little did i know when she broke up with me she said that she just couldnt keep acting all happy and affectionate all the time, i had never ASKED for any of that i wanted her honesty! This is enough to drive me up the wall.

 

I don't want reconciliation now or in the future, i just wish that she would have at least had the courage to apologize to me. I guess what im trying to ask is do you think shell feel guilty for what she did down the road? She doesn't know that i found out shes seeing someone else or the kinds of problems she caused for me by involving the police (im applying to med school in the fall, hopefully this doesn't appear on my record). I guess i just want her to feel SOME guilt and the hardest part about it is she shows no remorse whatsoever, that's what hurts me the most, it seems like shes temporarily blocked it out of her mind. She went from literally laying next to me crying because she thought i was going to leave her on May 2nd to doing what she did on June 6th. I feel so emotionally abused

Edited June 21, 2011 by yulaw911

[Downtown]

I guess i just want her to feel SOME guilt and the hardest part about it is she shows no remorse whatsoever, that's what hurts me the most, it seems like shes temporarily blocked it out of her mind.

Yulaw, I'm glad to hear you found the BPD information useful. I agree with you that she likely has blocked the feeling of guilt. BPDers carry enormous feelings of shame and anger from childhood. Hence, when they consciously acknowledge to themselves that they have done something wrong, they trigger a release of that terrible feeling of shame. This feeling of shame is exacerbated by their black-white thinking, wherein they believe that being a little bad implies one is "all bad." To avoid such intense pain of feeling ashamed, they project the flaw/mistake and the guilt onto their partners. That projection works well to protect them from shame and remorse because it is done subconsciously, allowing the conscious part of the mind to believe that the false projection is true.

[yulaw911]

Last question downtown, do you think maybe someday down the road shell look back on this and feel guilty for how she treated me? Im not sure how BPDers feel guilt after theyve had some time to dwell and the novelty of "single-life" wears off.

[sleepykitten]

Why must the mornings be so horrible? I go to bed feeling decent but when it comes time to wake up i just want to lay in bed for hours and i find myself hurting really badly during my shower or on my drive to work.

I just wrote in my post to your mail that the mornings are the worst, its like "here we go again" another day of this weight of sadness. Today i had a few hrs respite from it-and i had dinner, have lost alot of weight through all of this. I want to go and do an excerise class but am not eating and smoking so much i doubt i'll make it through one! I feel like i could sleep for a week too-all this constant emotion is exhausting. Its got to get better, i know it will, reading all your posts and threads i feel like i have a support system and dont feel so horribly alone.

[Downtown]

Last question downtown, do you think maybe someday down the road shell look back on this and feel guilty for how she treated me?

When you asked that same question in your previous post, I ignored it for two reasons. First, we cannot predict the specific reaction of a stable person, much less one who is unstable. She herself has great difficulty knowing how she will feel about you a week or two down the road. Second, it likely would not matter if you could predict it. Any feeling of guilt she might have would be washed aside by the next tide of intense feelings flooding her mind.

 

With a BPDer, it is impossible to build up a lasting store of good will you can draw on during the hard times. Trying to build up a lasting favorable impression is like trying to construct a lasting sand castle beside the sea -- it will be gone with the next tide. This is why she likely was only able to appreciate the sacrifices you made for her for a week or two at most. And this is why, with BPDers, it's always "what have you done for me lately?"

Edited June 23, 2011 by Downtown