MsTired Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) Ok My married man is actually my ex. We were together for 3 years broke up for 3 years thats when he got married. A year later we hooked back up and he lives with me off and on its been 5 years since this has been going on.He says he loves me more than anything in the world. We have 2 children now and everytime we get into an argument and I tell him to leave he moves back in with his wife. She has never divorced him and she knows about me and my children. She still lets him come back. We once lived together for a whole year and he still was able to go back and move in with her. We have arguments after so many months pass because I find out that he is talking back to her. She has one child by him. Any way I gave him an ultimatium, ME OR HER and he says he doesnt need to decide he wants to be with me and claims to only be living with her because I put him out. He says that he has packed up and left her numerous times but has never packed up and left me I always made him leave. He says he know he has no future with her because he has had two children outside of the marriage. But yet he still goes back to her. He acts like he cant just live without a woman. But he claims he needs two weeks to get moved. Its been a week and I dont really feel like it takes that long to pack up and move. I love him and want us to be a family but I still feel she will not divorce him and I know he is not going to divorce her. She once filed but never went through with it. He is not the type of man to go file a divorce. He did sigh the papers before but like I said she never went all the way with it. I mtired of the back and forth he needs to really decide. How do I leave him and still let him be involved with the children? They're toddler and infant so they cant contact him for themselves. Or should I wait and give it a chance? Should I say "stay away untill you get moved?" Because he sometimes stays all night and day here...then he will go back. He also has a Brain Injury, He was in a motorcycle accident 2 months ago and I went through hell because I was only able to see him a couple of times while he was in the hospital for a month because she stayed there day in and day out and I didnt feel comfortable visiting him while she was standing there. She also told his family that it was disrespect for for me to come but that it was okay for my children to come. But when I let them come with there Aunt which is his sister she still was upset. He is doing alot better but he is still a little forgetful due to slight short term memory loss. I was the first person he contacted the day he got out the Hospital & he has been coming around everyday since. But before the accident we were splitting up but I somehow got scared of loosing him forever when I experienced the pain from him being in the accident. but I told him he has to make a decision because just like she was in control of his life and who saw him in the hospital look where that left me and I cant live like that if he loves me that much and not her then he need to make it official and get a divorce not just move in with me and leave that door open to go back to her when he feels like it. He claims he dont love her that he is with her for security. Because she will never put him out or leave but he says that I will. Sometimes I'll wake up and say Im not calling or talking to him today and Ill feel strong about it but the minute he calls. I answer and let him come over...Im confused. Does he deserve extra time to get his brain back functioning properly before I become harsh about the situation? He is competant enough to still lie. But he is still a little forgetful and doesnt remember some of the past. Edited June 20, 2011 by MsTired Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 You are in deep with this man and you have every reason to be tired. But you can only blame yourself for that. Him moving is not the solution. Him divorcing his wife and the two of you working on a relationship that he claims to love more than his wife is what needs to happen. Not you bending over to please his needs. You have 2 children to think about. You have no time to focus on a grown man who can't make a decision and stick to it. What are you prepared to do? Will you ask him to to get a divorce? What do you want from this relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 You have 2 children to think about. You have no time to focus on a grown man who can't make a decision and stick to it. What are you prepared to do? Will you ask him to to get a divorce? What do you want from this relationship? This is a good point. OP, what you need to ask yourself is this: Do I really have time for his sh*t? Why should I tolerate his sh*t? Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Wow, I bet your tired gf...I am so sorry this has happened to you:(. This has to be so hard on everyone concerned. I had this happen to a friend several years back, she was in a car accident and was never the same afterwards. She changed bigtime...once being a really sweet person, to a very rebelious confrontational person. Her husband ended up divorcing her. You need to think about you. It's difficult to say whether his behavior is accident related, although I couldn't handle the moving in and out. You know in order to stand your ground there is no need to be harsh, just mater of fact...and by taking your stand, you are helping everyone concerned, because the back and forth is hurting all. Good luck, and please know that you have my prayers and thoughts (((((hugs))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Yeah, that's it. It's his "brain injury" that's made him act like a dill-hole for the last few years. Oh wait, the brain injury only occured a few months ago, and his dill-hole behavior has been going on for years. I guess we can't blame his brain injury for his scumbag behavior. I think you need to stop spitting kids out with this guy, number one. What the hell are you supposed to tell your kids - that 'daddy' is married to someone else and doesn't have the balls God gave a church mouse and that's why he can't step up to the plate and act like a man? The guy's such a spineless coward that he keeps running home to his wife (who is stupid enough to waste her time with this flaming a*sshole) - because he's such a weasel he can't even make it on his OWN. And THIS is the role model you're providing for your kids? Seriously, stop breeding with this loser. Damn. Surely he's not the ONLY gene pool available to you folks down in Hazard County? Link to post Share on other sites
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