She's with him in a hotel in Europe right now!

[thesignsareallthere]

My wife was asked to accompany a friend to Europe who is going through a breakup and when she booked her flight, she tacked two weeks on to it to do some additional sightseeing. A bit suspicious I checked her email sent items and there it was - hotel information forwarded to a crytic email account the same day she arrived. Ever the resourceful person I was able to identify the owner and through facebook and other sights now know a heck of a lot about the guy - who looks like a slimy playboy 12 years younger than my wife. She's made very little effort to call me since arriving 3 days ago and when I call her she's extremely vague about what she's been doing. Shortly she'll meet up with her friend and in a couple of weeks I'll have copies of her cell phone records there and will no doubt dump the text messages once I get my hands on her cell. Eats me up inside knowing there's nothing I can do about it in immediate term - got kids and job to keep me pinned. I have half a mind to spoof an email to the guy to see if he'll reply back espousing his undying love for her etc but it's risky because there's a small chance I'm wrong - this is why I need the proof. I suppose the real question is will she fess up without proof, and then where to go from here. Actually if it was an affair of the mind it would bother me more but the guy looks so slimy and shallow in his social network site with over 250 beautiful women friends that I don't think it's anything more than a one time thing. Though it shatters the trust. What's my best move - try to get the confession by stealth or wait a couple of weeks and collect more evidence?

[Pianiste]

So there's a guy that is going through a breakup and as a way to get over it he travels to Europe with another mans wife? It's a tricky situation you've got there.

 

Of course the best thing to do is to trust your partner and talk with them, but personally, in this situation, I would lay low and collect more evidence. Also, if she becomes wary of you it might become even harder to collect pieces of the truth. I can imagine you've got a lot more on the line than just a marriage, so you better know for sure.

[OldOnTheInside]

For now, collect as much evidence as you can on her. If you inform her that you are aware of her activities, there is a good chance that she will enter clean-up and denial mode.

 

Once she arrives home, you can decide on how you wish to proceed.

 

Do not make any presumptions until the physical evidence presents itself, despite how extremely suspicious things seem. Don't rush into this.

Edited June 20, 2011 by OldOnTheInside

[rafallus]

Did she even talk with you about her going there and are you OK with that, or was she like "I'm going with some playboy, suck it up, loser!"?

[Woggle]

See a lawyer while she is there.

[Bryanp]

I would contact a lawyer. She is engaging in such humiliating behavior toward you and no doubt upon her return she would have no problem putting your health at risk for STD's. She now clearly has no respect for you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? See a lawyer today. Good luck.

[PegNosePete]

I would call her up right now and tell her you know exactly what is going on and if she values her marriage in the slightest then she will be on the next plane back. If she is not back within a day, have divorce papers ready for her to sign as soon as she walks through the door.

[whammy]

jesus dude.....

[Chi townD]

Oh damn that! See a lawyer, have divorce papers drawnup. Then, call her up and tell her to stay there with "insert name", then hang up. I bet she'll call you a lot more after that!

 

Call her and tell her you know. No reason for her to enjoy her time there with him. She should know that you know and that she just destroyed her marriage and her family. Bet her romantic getaway won't be so romantic after that!

[Bryanp]

I think ChitownD makes a great point. Do as he says. Why should she have a great time screwing her lover? Instead let her worry about how her life is going to change because she cheated.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Though it shatters the trust. What's my best move - try to get the confession by stealth or wait a couple of weeks and collect more evidence?

 

Prep for divorce, but sit on the info you have.

 

She will be really careless if she doesn't realize you are tracking her.

[bigmomma1974]

Did you know she was going with a Man to europe? if not i would tell her you know whats up. if you did know it was a man did ya agree to it? if so what the hell where ya thinking. If she is in another country with another man that should tell you all there is to say, divorce her ass. I mean if this is a gay man then ok I get it but if not and he is straight she would have her bags packed and divorce papers on top of them.

[Chi townD]

How I read it was she was going with a friend to Europe. I assume that the OP knew the person she was going with. However, she extended her time over there two weeks more to "sight see". He intercepted that his wife is meeting up with this friend in a couple of weeks. Therefore, she alone with the OM now and meeting up with the friend later.

[OldOnTheInside]

To expand on my older post, even if you don't want a divorce (up to you) see a divorce lawyer and protect yourself. You don't know what your wife may be planning and you may find it useful in the future.

 

I don't recommend that you contact her immediately. Why? Because while she is out in Europe, you have all the time that you need to plan your next course of action. This isn't something that you rush into.

 

Honestly, she must think that you are an idiot.

[thesignsareallthere]

Hey thanks for all the ideas. So now she's met up with her friend, sister actually along with my two nephews. I called just when she met up with them and asked why I couldn't reach her on her cell and she said, Battery died, no charger, so I called her cell and it rang in the background. Almost decided to hope a flight but took the advice above and decided to hold off. In three days the bunch of them will take a train to the coast then a Mediterranean cruise. So unless the Moroccan gentleman can take time off at a moment's notice he'll stay behind and they'll communicate by text message, another secret email address or calling card. I know his name, address, age, but not yet his cell number. Maybe I could call his number ask for her, it's an emergency and if she answers, got her. Not smoking gun but pretty close. Any ideas how I can get the guy's cell number? Here wireless plan that I'm montoring doesn't provide daily call numbers, only when bill is printed. Meanwhile saying nothing is so $#@#! hard to do. Eating me up inside.0

[thesignsareallthere]

Just to clarify, she didn't meet the guy here best I can tell. Anyone out there know how to get cell number when you know the name?

COuntry is france. Better yet, anyone know anyone in Paris who wants to earn some cash for pics?

[Chi townD]

In my opinion, you got the evidence you need. I would contact her, keep it short and sweet. You know what she's doing and who she's doing it with. No talking it out, no listening to her lies; just hang up and don't answer the phone, e-mails or texts. Someone already posted, if she has a SHREAD of respect for this marriage, she'll be on the next plane out.

 

No reason for you to sit at home working your butt off, taking care off the kids while YOU KNOW she currently screwing someone else behind your back and guilt free. That knowledge going to eat you alive. And she shouldn't get a free pass on this either.

[bikinibeach]

what a selfish b------

[Mr.Harris]

Long story.....

 

 

Divorce her.

[Lucky_One]

Let me see if I have this straight. You found where your wife forwarded her hotel reservations to an unknown email address, and you now believe that the email account belongs to a Moroccan man that she has met online somehow, and that she has now met him in a hotel in Europe for 3 days. She has now met up with your/her sister and two nephews, and will be travelling with them for the remainder of the visit.

 

Did you have any reason to believe that she has been having on an international/online only affair before any of this? Have her activities been pretty normal, has she been of the same normal personality?

 

Having an affair is one thing (BTDT), but meeting a man online and flying to Europe to meet face-to-face for the very first time is another. Falling in love with a married man definitely happened to me, but falling in love online only and meeting a man of a totally different sort of culture/nationality while still reading the news and knowing about various crazy people crimes in the worldd and being trusting enough to stay in a hotel with him? There is no way I can see that happening in MY life.

 

You know her better than anyone else. Is that something that she would REALLY do? In the most basic of senses, I am too practical, too afraid, too distrustful of people's real intentions and personalities to be able to trust that completely (a hotel in a foreign country with a virtual stranger? eek). I know some people could do that, but I could not. Knowing her, do you think she would?

[Trimmer]

I'm a little confused on who is who - can you clarify? Your wife's "friend", who you are supposed to be aware of, and who just had the breakup - is this your wife's sister?

 

And let's call the other guy - the one you are not supposed to know about, but you do - let's call him her "lover", for lack of a better term. Do you think your wife got there early, and met him before her friend/sister and nephews joined up with her? Do you think that already happened, or it's happening after she and her friend/sister split off?

 

So on the surface, the trip was supposed to be with the friend/sister, and how long was it supposed to be originally? And she added 2 more weeks for "sightseeing" on top of that, is that right?

 

Is there any possibility that her sister is aware of her plans, or do you think she's being kept in the dark, too?

 

How many kids do you have and how old are they? I know that depending on what you find out, you may be enraged (understandably) but do be careful what you choose to do and say... Try to avoid blowback onto the kids - that will serve NO useful purpose for them, and that's one of the things you will need to keep your eye on as things move forward here. Maybe this will go one way or another, maybe divorce, who knows, but just do what you can to keep them out of the line of fire. They should not be made allies or enemies of one side or the other - they are innocent bystanders. (They may make their own minds up eventually, but don't put them in a position to do that in the heat of battle.)

[OldOnTheInside]

Your story seems to have quite a few holes in it OP.

 

I suggest that you think about clarifying the...situation before your next post.

[RecordProducer]

Better yet, anyone know anyone in Paris who wants to earn some cash for pics?

Whoa! It sounds like you're desperately trying to catch her in an affair. Anyway, can you clarify: who is this playboy guy and how does she know him? Why did she travel to France in the first place?

[thesignsareallthere]

My wife was asked by her sister to take the fourth spot on a cruise booked before their marriage brokedown (so my wife is taking the husband's spot). First she asked me and I said no, two weeks away plus cost etc, please stay but she insisted and then in order to get a cheap airfare she booked 10 extra days on the front and three on the back for a grand total of 25 days! The first four days were spent "alone" and the hookup appears to me to have occured immediately after she arrived because she sent me a brief "I'm here email" then forwarded her hotel reservation for the first three days to the [email protected] email from her own account which I have the password to. Calls were stiff, but truth is we had not been getting along well in the months leading up to the travel and we had a fight a couple of days before the trip (partly about her booking without consulting me and partly because I asked her if she planned to cheat) I kind of suspected it - she did it when we were first together for a few months, (transitioning but also did have one night stands in Europe 20 years ago). That's why I'm afraid it's entirely possible. Where did she meet the slimeball from Casablanca? Bar maybe - it was 9:00 pm on her first day when she sent it.

 

Now my wife is with her sister and kids and they did have a plan to leave paris right away but somehow now they've changed plans and will stay until the 23rd in Paris. I put kids on tonight - both cried asking why mom is away so long - they are 6 and 9. Especailly daughter and mom are close. Then I got on, after a minute chatting about the weather I said I really miss you, am having a really hard time, I feel like I"m losing you and want you to come back now" cue the cracking voice almost crying and not at all faked, then I said can't talk, and hung up on her. An hour later at 11:00 pm local time my phone rang, caller ID was unknown number & caller. No doubt guilt is starting to sink in. It's tempting as anything to ask her "who the hell is xxxxxxx and were you planning to continue sleeping with him..." But I didn't, doing my best to let on that I"m just lonly and struggling without her. She laughed when I complained on the phone until my voice cracked. Callous come to mind. So do I wait it out 20 more days, keep putting the kids on the phone or let her know now I'm on to her. She's very close to her sister that she's travelling with so in all likelihood she knows and is covering it up. Maybe the sister wants to reduce the shame she feels getting divorced but bringing my family along for the ride. Are women that vicious?

[OldOnTheInside]

She laughed when I complained on the phone until my voice cracked. Callous come to mind.

With this, and her prior history, there is no real reason for you to hold back and be nice at this point. Again, I would advocate talking to a divorce lawyer and covering your bases before alerting her. It seems unlikely that a divorce would be amicable at this rate, so why not make sure you have the advantage over her?

 

Are women that vicious?

Evidently. Edited June 21, 2011 by OldOnTheInside