voiceless Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 MY bf, who served time for dv, has been seeing a psychologist and attending weekly dv classes. Last week he got put on some anti depressants and has been drinking alot with them. Tonite I refused to give him my car key and in order to get the keys he started to strangle me. He did so repeatedly until finally I passed out. I remember coming to on the bathroom floor in hysterics. I tried to leave but he blocked the door and would not let me out. He left me here with his two kids and told me if I left that I will lose everyone I love He knows where my family lives and I am scared that if I leave he will try something crazy. If I involve the police he will go to prisonon for a long time. He has 2 strikes already. Link to post Share on other sites
OhMittens Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I'm sorry for the situation you are in, but you should call the police. If he goes to prison for a long time he can not hurt you or your family. Living in fear is not living at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 What's the more important to you, your children having a mother or your "boyfriend" having free roam? That's what it came down to this past incident. Make up your mind. You only get one choice. You're kids with you? or your kids with someone else? You owe this man nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Were his past domestic violence convictions for assaults/batteries upon you? Do his children have a mother or blood relative? Do you have an anonymous domestic violence hotline you can call? Here's a national site. TBH, you need real life help. We can offer support, but you're a battered woman who needs a real hug and a cop to take care of your BF. Healthy, normal people do not do things like your boyfriend is doing to you. Welcome to LS FF, I think the kids are the BF's kids; at least that's the way she made it sound. She can clarify Link to post Share on other sites
Author voiceless Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 Yes they're his kids. They usually live with their mom, but with us every other weekend. He swore last nite was the last time and that he'll never do it again. His previous dv past is with his ex wife. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My advice would be to, when the children are with their mother, and you have found a safe place to live, exit without notice. That he would assault you, apparently with his children in the home, says a lot, and none of it good. He really needs to work on his issues alone, for himself. Look at it this way. You might help keep him out of prison. You certainly will keep yourself out of the hospital, or worse. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 My advice would be to, when the children are with their mother, and you have found a safe place to live, exit without notice. That he would assault you, apparently with his children in the home, says a lot, and none of it good. He really needs to work on his issues alone, for himself. Look at it this way. You might help keep him out of prison. You certainly will keep yourself out of the hospital, or worse. Please pay attention to this post. Follow it to the letter. It will save your life. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 You need to get out of this relationship right now. Call the police, press charges. Why would you feel sorry for him that he'd go to jail? He SHOULD go to jail for choking someone to the point of being unconscious. He could have killed you, and he might the next time. The thing with a guy like this is that you KNOW there will be a next time. Call the police, protect yourself and those poor kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Please pay attention to this post. Follow it to the letter. It will save your life. I agree... good post CH Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 You need to get away from this man. If he is abusing you with counseling, just imagine what he may do to you if he falls off the wagon. You need to be concerned for your safety. You REALLY need to talk to someone immediately. There are some places where you can go and give an anonymous name too. Whatever way you do it...PLEASE talk to someone. You need somone you trust to confide in about this. Protecting him could also cost you the most precious thing to you ----> your life!!!!! Big hugs~ Link to post Share on other sites
Starleena Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Every abuser is different but they do seem to have the same cycle of abuse/patterns. I'm not sure what this guy is like ok but most of the time these men only abuse their gf/wife and barking threats at other people is just to scare you in to staying with him. I am sorry what you are going through. I know how you feel. I know you probably plan to leave him but your heart is telling you to stay, hoping he'll change. I wish you would leave. Right now he deserves to be in jail but I know it hurts you to think about doing that to him. Most of the time. They don't change. Do you really want to be around to find out if he gets worse or changes? It basically took me forever to leave my abusive ex, he did something that put the cherry on top and I moved away where he couldn't find me. 6 years later I still think about what he did to me.. I think it's because I let it go on for so long. Please stop doing this to yourself. I don't know if you have low self esteem but you deserve a good guy. Get some help, forget helping him, he's his own problem and he can only help himself. Find help to deal with this domestic violence, they will help you with a safety plan. If you are honestly that scared to leave, call the police and have them escort you out of there and find a safe place to go and he can't find you. Never talk to him ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author voiceless Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 I really appreciate all of your comments and advice. It really is hard because he is a completely different person the next day. It makes it really hard to leave. It's as if something takes over him when he gets like that... Do you think his promises that he'll never do it again are true? I want him to get better so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Of course. He's 'cleansing' himself at your expense. Later in your life, if you're fortunate enough to still be alive, you'll come to see these kinds of people for who they are; unhealthy and dangerous. When he's 'nice' and the kids are at their mother's home, that's the time to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Do you think his promises that he'll never do it again are true? No. What makes a man strangle a woman is SO DEEP inside his personality, actually convincing himself he has the right to do that, that it would take years and years of therapy for him to 'see the light.' And even if he did recognize it, it would take even MORE years of therapy for him to overcome his subconscious triggers that take over his mind when he 'gets that way.' Why do you think you don't deserve more than that? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Get this book, read it, and then come back and talk about what you learned, so we can discuss what you see as his personality: Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men, by Bancroft It will explain a LOT. Including why you stay. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I really appreciate all of your comments and advice. It really is hard because he is a completely different person the next day. It makes it really hard to leave. It's as if something takes over him when he gets like that... Do you think his promises that he'll never do it again are true? I want him to get better so bad. he won't get better unless he suffers some BIG consquences..Like going to jail! And doing counseling..Big time! He can promise you till the cows come home, that he will change. he won't. I hope you find the courage and strength to get out and take the kids with you, get to a shelter and file charges against this bastard!! he is an abuser and a drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
fallenenvy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Obviously you care about him.. not wanting him to go to jail and all.. but perhaps that is what he deserves. You need to protect yourself. Although threatening your family may be empty you never know for sure and it was a threat. I've been abused. I know it isn't easy but you need to get out. If he is this way with you is there the posibility he'd hurt his kids? You said they have a mother perhaps they would also be better off with him in jail and them with their mother. Either way you need to get out. he WILL do it again.. if my experence has taught me anything it is that. I never pressed charges and i wish to god i had because he is a bad bad person and i know he has hurt other people. there is a reason no girl will stay with him for any amount of time.. and now.. hes on the sex offender list..... you can imagine i feel guilty because perhaps if i had pressed charges it never would've happened... Please don't make my same mistake. I know it will take a lot of strengh and courage but press charges....please. ~Fallen Envy Link to post Share on other sites
Bionic Me Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Before you go buying books and reading, call the police. If he's on 2 strikes and has been in prison for DV, most likely he wont be home the next morning. Call the police. Think of it as your civil duty as well, you may be saving someone else's life down the road. It may not be you but he can hurt someone else or his kids. DO SOMETHING! Link to post Share on other sites
Tiberius Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Well he sounds dangerous. You now need to be sincere to yourself. Do you get a kick out of being dominated that way by your big bad boyfriend? If not you should leave, he is genuily dangerous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author voiceless Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Things have gotten progressively worse. His verbal abuse has gotten worse, calling me a slut, a stupid white girl, telling me white girls are a dime a dozen, threatening to kill my kitten... We lost a baby in June due to a heart defect, he was only a 4mo old fetus, and just today he told me it was my fault because I can't even make babies right, and there is something wrong with my womb. We got into a huge fight after he let his pitbull outside while I had my kitten in my hand. Thank god the kitten ran away (he came back later). He threw my purse out the window of the car on the freeway and hit me so hard in the face that my nose bled and made strange things appear in my vision afterwards. He blames me and my attitude problem and my unwillingness to assume my role as a woman. Today, I packed up all my stuff and moved it out to a safe place. He knows it is over, and he said he is glad. Now he won't give me my car back. I am so done with this abuse. Like other women who have posted on the topic, I always considered myself a strong, no nonsense kind of woman and feel stupid for going back so many times. But this is the last straw. I don't know how to go about getting my car back, he said that if I call the police he will have me and my family killed... Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Tell the police that he has threatened you and your family and you not only want your car back, you want him arrested. And tell your parents. Edited September 7, 2011 by turnera Link to post Share on other sites
Author voiceless Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Turnera- I bought the book you suggested and started reading it last night... Thank you for the suggestion. I called his mom last night to ask her to help me get the car back from him, and her response was "Can't you help him out for a while and let him keep your car?" For some reason I just don't feel obligated to help him with anything right now, or ever again. When I get sad I think about the good times we had and feel bad for not trying to help him out more. I know this is not a logical way to think but the thoughts are still there. Now I have nothing. No phone (he broke 3 or 4 of my phones), no money (it has all gone into the house we moved into together), no furniture. I guess I should just be happy I got out alive and without sustaining any real injuries. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Why won't you call the police? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 btw, good for you for getting the book. It will help you a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author voiceless Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 I don't want to call the police on him because with his 2 strikes he will go to jail/prison for a long time and he does have 3 children. Last time I threatened to call the police he said that I would be the reason why his kids would grow up with no father. Then the threats on my safety started, and the safety of those around me. I'm scared and don't want him or any one he knows to hurt me or my family. Link to post Share on other sites
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