My sister slept with my fiance.

[FMLChick]

Two nights ago my entire family was drinking at our house. I have a large family two sisters and two brothers.. just all having a good time enjoying ourselves. I wasn't drinking though the rest of the family was. I got tired and went to lay down in the basement bedroom where I currently live with my fiance. I left him upstairs with my family thinking nothing would happen. I woke up to a txt from one of my sisters saying that my other sister was in a bedroom with my person. I freaked of course and went upstairs (the txt was an hour old) and couldn't find my guy. I looked around, knocked on the door of the sister that was supposedly with my guy -- she creeped out of the room making sure not to let me see in and said he was out looking for my brother. Mind you she's slam wasted. I go outside to look for my fiance and find my mom and other sister outside talking, they said they hadn't seen my person. We went back inside and he's at the top of the stairs lying on the floor outside of my sisters room. I of course freaked out and cussed the both of them out thinking my sister had lied to me and he was actually in the bedroom with her. They said nothing had happened. I believed em and we on my marry way -- I took him downstairs and he babbled drunkenly for awhile. About two hours later he was feeling ill and started throwing up.. he was REALLY wasted. So I took him upstairs and left him to puke on his own accord. He came down stairs an hour later chatted with me and then passed out. The whole next day went by fine.. he was hung over, ya-da ya-da, later that night my sister told him that they had had sex that night after he was done puking. He broke down bawling and asked her 100 times if she was positive..because he doesn't remember sleeping with her at all. Might I add this man never crys, he was raised that it is a sign of weakness or something. He said he has a snap shot in his mind of her coming on to him and kissing him then he shoving her off of him and then he says (he doesnt know when this happened) he has an image in his mind of him wacking off at some point that night. He doesn't know where ,but he knows he was wacking himself.. not her wacking him he doing it to himself. My sister has low self esteem -- she throws herself at anything that moves. I just never thought this would happen...not with the person I'm supposed to spend my life with. She says she remembers everything.. where as he doesn't. So she was obviously a little more in-control of her body and mind.. where as who the hell knows with him. I am not close to my sister at all... hell, I'm not really close to anyone but him. I want to stay with him, but my concern is will this open the door way for future issues? He is completely disgusted with himself.. packed up his stuff on his own accord and left saying that he didn't deserve me and that he thought I needed a couple of days to get my mind in order because he doesn't understand how I could forgive him (if that actually did happen, because he still doesn't know if it did or not). My sister claims her lady parts hurt this morning and there was a used rag in bed with her when she woke up... something happened. The probably had sex.. am I wrong for wanting to forgive him and move on with him but not forgive my sister? This is the first incident of this nature in our SEVEN year relationship.

Edited June 20, 2011 by FMLChick

[oldguy]

This is a Springer episode right? First of all; He remembers! and on the slim chance he doesn't, there is a much bigger problem here. And WTH is up with your other sister texting you from the same house that your other sister is sleeping with your faience?

 

And what in the hell is your sister talking to you about her "lady parts" being sore after sleeping with your fiance all about!?

 

I did substance abuse counseling for years & this is just classic family dysfunction & you want to marry this guy & have children?

 

Does an entire family getting stink-en drunk together, sleeping with each others SO's, texting to tell & then the sister who slept with your SO complaining... or bragging that her, "lady parts are sore" the next day, does any of this sound even remotely disturbing to you as a whole!?

[J0N]

I am a guy, with a strong sense of what is right and wrong. So here is my $.02

 

Threads like this make me almost speechless. If my brother or anybody else in my family ever f***** around with or did anything to/with my fiance of this nature. I would probably beat him to within an inch of his life. Trust me, I am a gentle giant. I avoid violence at all costs. I am not suggesting that you get violent with your sister. But seriously, how could your sister do something more disrespectful to you? If it were me, I would probably not consider her my sister anymore. Especially since she was bragging about how hard your fiance pounded her. I have been pissed off at people but my god. There are things that as a sibling you just do not do. No matter what your relationship with them.

 

As for your fiance, it takes two to tango. If he had the ability to get it up, then he is just as guilty. I have had sex while drunk, let me just tell you I have never, ever, ever been to drunk to remember it. I hate to get even more graphic, but if he was able to "complete" the deed, then he wasn't nearly as drunk as he is describing. I would bet everything that I have that He is lying to you. If I were you, I would leave him, pronto. This is only a sign of things to come.

 

My ex had a little sister who was only about 18 months younger than she was, and she was honestly a little hotter than my ex. I really liked her and we were even pretty close, but only as friends. She would even call me to hang out when my ex wasn't around. I even took her out to dinner and hung out with her a few times. Usually because my ex was out of town or had an exam to study for, or whatever. Even if now (9 months after breakup) she came onto me, I would still turn her down, just out of principle.

[FMLChick]

I wish this was a Springer episode and not my life. I really do. It would make things so much easier and maybe I wouldn't be bawling my eyes out 24/7.

 

I've known my SO since I was 16 years old. He's most definitely not lying about not remembering -- he's a terribly liar, or at least this is what I've perceived in the seven years we've been together.

 

My other sister, at the time, didn't know that they were in the bedroom doing whatever it is that they did. She thought it was susicious and kept checking on them periodically but each time she poked her head in they were both clothed. The sister who txted me did make a quick run to the movie store for about 20mins though. I was asleep this whole time.

 

The sister who slept with my fiance didn't tell me directly that her lady parts hurt. She apparently told my other sister that the next day bawling her eyes out because she had a hazy memory of what happened and said that she hurt below the belt which was generally a sign that she had slept with someone, because at first she thought it had just been a dream.

 

Yes, it sounds disturbing. I'm retardedly upset, but I'm trying to be rational. I love this man with all of my heart and I truly believe that this was a mistake that should not have happened.. if he had been sober it wouldn't have happened. My sister is basically suicidal now. She's seeking help, and I keep getting told that I should just leave him.. but my thing is if I forgive my sister why should I not forgive him. We've been together a long time and as I stated previously something like this has never happened before.. in the length of our relationship a situation such as this has never happened. How do I make our relationship work now? How do I help us to move past this? Because right now it seems hopeless. I want to try, but I'm depressed beyond what words can describe.

[TearyEyedPride]

...

 

Seriously... No... this is just a horrible f*cked up sitch to have to deal with. My sister and I aren't super close, but if she EVER EVER considered sleeping with anyone I was involved with to the point of acting on it... *deep breath* Yeah... it just wouldn't be good. I'd disown her. Wtf...

 

I kinda find it hard to believe that your ex doesn't remember anything. Lots of people get slammed, hammered, completely tore up and still remember they had sex unless they were popping pills or on some other type of drug.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

am I wrong for wanting to forgive him and move on with him but not forgive my sister?

 

 

 

Yes, obviously...

[D-Lish]

Yes, this is an episode on Jerry Springer. It's disturbing to think that family dynamics like this actually exist.

 

I wouldn't be forgiving your sister or fiance...

[Art_Critic]

Yes, this is an episode on Jerry Springer. It's disturbing to think that family dynamics like this actually exist.

 

I wouldn't be forgiving your sister or fiance...

 

Thanksgiving this year will be interesting...

[whichwayisup]

How old are you and your "person" (btw a very odd thing to call someone you are going to marry)? And how old is your sister (the one who slept with your person)?

 

The drinking has to stop. Anybody who gets smashed drunk like that and doesn't remember, blacks out, has a problem. Especially if he can't keep it in his pants.

 

The whole family dynamic, hanging out and drinking like that.. ? Is that a normal routine or someting that happens once in a while?

 

He has to get tested for STD's, and so should you. Hate to say it, but how do you know that's the first time he's cheated on you?

 

Anyway, put the wedding on hold and take time to think things through. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN until you feel he's at a place where he genuinally is sorry and is ready to work with you to fix this, as well as quitting drinking since he cannot handle his booze.

 

As for your sister, she has issues and boundry problems..Question is, did she come onto him or did he come on to her? So easy to put the blame all on her since she has a questionable past... I"m just saying don't make this all her fault, it takes two and even though he was drunk, that still ain't an excuse.

[FMLChick]

After he went through 1 liter of whiskey with my two brothers he had a head ache and went downstairs freaking out (we were just in a serious car accident where he suffered bleeding on the brain) and remembered in his drunken state that if she should suffer a headache he needed to take a prescribed loritab. Which apparently he did. From what I gathered he went back upstairs and proceeded to drink another 750ml bottle of whiskey with the one sister and one of my brothers. So, yes, a narcotic medication had been tossed into the mix, which I didn't discover until the next day. The sad thing is out of the sixty tablets the doctor prescribed him (I counted them) that was the first one he had taken in the three weeks since the release from the hospital -- he doesn't take pills. He doesn't even like it when it's suggested that he takes Tylenol.

 

I'm not asking if you think I should leave him or not, because I'm not going to. I'm looking for pointers on how to cope with something like this. I'm looking for ways not to feel so crappy every time I think of my sister and him being together.

 

I'm able to forgive him because it was so far out of character that it just blows my mind.. and, my sister -- I am more angry with her because she has recollection and was obviously a bit more in-control of her body, but failed to stop herself. I still love her, she's my friggin' sister, but I'm angry and not going to be speaking with her until I can be rational and not make her depression worse.

 

I'm twenty-four years old and he's twenty-five, we've been together since I was sixteen and him seventeen.

 

He's already agreed to give up drinking forever, he said nothing good seems to come from it, and he has agreed that we need to go to couple's therapy or whatever it is you want to call it. Which I feel is a good thing.. I've just had a lot of bad experiences in the past with psychologists so I'm feeling very hesitant about picking one that won't further damage our fragile relationship.

 

The entire family drinking is a once in a blue moon ordeal.. I think this is the first time the entire family has been together in about year, about a year since the family has actually all had drinks with one and other.

 

It's really hard not to put all of the blame on her.. so hard, even though you're right -- it does take two to tango.

Edited June 22, 2011 by FMLChick

[oldguy]

I grew up in a family of drinkers, in an area where heavy drinking was/is the social norm, I was a binge drinker myself & I initially specialized in helping substance abusers & the families / victims of substance abusers. I am not at all against alcohol but first of all; "being drunk or high is NEVER, EVER an excuses, NEVER! No judge has ever let someone off because there defense was; "I was drunk". If I where you I would give some serious thought about getting, "stinking" drunk as being acceptable, especially with your family. I suspect you, your SO & your family have a history of issues that most likely centers around drinking & you need to take a serious look at not only this incident but what I suspect from the picture you painted a lifestyle that led up to it. Do you want to raise children who act the way you & your siblings do around one another? Do you want to raise babies who “get wasted” as a regular means of having fun? There is something called the generational influence, essentially kids most often mirror what they see. Even if they find it disturbing & openly reject it, in times of stress they/we revert to what we know. I saw generational influence constantly for nearly 30 years. I would see 20 yo for the same issues I saw their mother or father for 20 years earlier. It is one of the reasons that I am glad I am out of it.

 

Sorry for the rant.