super10556 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My ex-GF broke up with me about 4.5 weeks ago. She was my first love. We only dated for 8 months, but the entire time I thought that my search was finally over. We seemed to agree on everything, especially future plans. We talked about when we'd get married, how many kids we'd have. I'd always tell her I couldn't wait to ask her to marry me, and her response was always "I can't wait to say yes!". But, she ended up breaking up with me because of some things I did, which weren't really bad, that seemed to aggravate some pre-existing issues for her. For example, when she broke up with me, she said all the times I used my iPhone around her made her feel unloved because her Dad uses his iPhone all the time around her to the point of ignoring her. But anyway, my point to this post is that after finding and losing the person who I thought would be the one for me, I have a fear I'll never find someone who will stay with me again. Part of this is fearing I won't find anyone at all. Part of it is fearing that even if I do find someone, they'll just leave me like my ex-GF. I'm 22 and my ex-GF was my first serious GF. I guess I'm mainly looking to hear an unbiased, rational perspective. Are my fears valid? Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I feel this too. Bad. Well, I guess we need to remember that statistically, there's a very very VERY slim chance that we will actually never be with anyone again in our whole lifetime. ;] Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 You will find somebody of course. There is a thing you need to remember though: all relationships will end, until its the one that wont end. So dont think of it as your life journey. You life journey is so much more than that, and people and people go, gf come and go, share with you a part of your life time. Until the time is right, and the person is right. Link to post Share on other sites
OhMittens Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Build yourself up some and make yourself a catch that no one will let go of. You're only 22 so you have a lot of life left in front of you. Don't let it slip away. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 my first bf just broke up with me too. The reason is really stupid if you think about it, but that is fine. We were together, grew up together, and somewhere along he stopped growing up the way I do. And so we grew apart. Sad, but ask yourself do you want to stay with somebody that did that to you for the rest of your life? no. you deserve to be with somebody who has the same mindset, at least wanting to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 We come to the world alone......... and we leave the world alone too. Therefore it is nothing depressing about being alone. Alone can be a joy depending on how you view yourself. Sometimes, the partners that we thought we will be together for a very long time may not be the one that will be with us for long. Many times when people walk into relationships, gradually, we neglected ourselves very much. I hope you take this good opportunity to love yourself more and to appreciate yourself more. No one completes you, you are the one who can complete yourself. A new person will come and perhaps you will fall in love again. However, if you do not know how to love and appreciate yourself then whatever happens in the relationship, ultimately you will lose yourself again. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I do want to add that if you using your iPhone to the point where she is feeling ignored was a problem to her, it will probably be a problem in your future relationships. Put the gadgets down when you're with a woman! Plain and simple! I am a gamer myself, but I DID NOT neglect any of my ex-boyfriends or exH for games, gadgets, etc. I understand that checking iPhone for whatever reason is compelling at times, but a real living breathing human of the gender you prefer and who LIKES you is far more compelling... you can't **** an iPhone and there is no app that will keep you warm at night. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 My ex was with his laptop or gaming system all the times. I would come over, because he never comes over to my place, and then he would not care about me sitting there. He would play games. And he doesnt deserve me. Not a single bit. Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Hey, My ex broke up with me last October. I have also had similar feelings about being alone forever. I am also young, mid-20's, and she was the first girl that I ever loved deeply. You have to just put these feelings out of your mind. Distract yourself with whatever you can, gym, hobbies, school/job, etc. You have to find yourself, and make sure that you are fully healed before you go seeking anyone new. Nobody should ever be used to fill a hole in your life. I know that deep down I will find someone new who is a better match for me. After we broke up I also felt like I was not lovable and that anyone who did love me would eventually leave me. This is simply not true. Even though my ex tried to blame the entire breakup on me, I know that deep down I treated her the way she deserved to be treated. I was honest, caring, and respectful of her. She just took me and my love for her for granted. It is her loss, not mine. I am sure that in time she will come to realize what she threw away, and regret what she did. Ultimately though, by breaking up with me she saved me from making one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Which would have been marrying the wrong person, I had planned to propose to her on her birthday which was earlier this year. It is funny because now whenever I see a picture of her, I see a stranger... You should look at your situation the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I do want to add that if you using your iPhone to the point where she is feeling ignored was a problem to her, it will probably be a problem in your future relationships. Put the gadgets down when you're with a woman! Plain and simple! I am a gamer myself, but I DID NOT neglect any of my ex-boyfriends or exH for games, gadgets, etc. I understand that checking iPhone for whatever reason is compelling at times, but a real living breathing human of the gender you prefer and who LIKES you is far more compelling... you can't **** an iPhone and there is no app that will keep you warm at night. Just saying. One other thing. When me and my ex first started dating, she didn't have a smart phone. Once she got an iPhone, she was on the dam thing non-stop. I remember taking her out to dinner several times and she would be texting, or playing some stupid game or whatever for 90% of the evening. We were even in bed one time doing (you know) and she stopped so that she could answer her roommates text to get frozen yogurt the next day. She looked at me after she got done, wanting to pick up where we left off, and I just looked at her and said "seriously?" and rolled over and went to sleep. I put up with this for a while, and I finally got tired of it. I finally brought it up, and she got sooooo angry with me. If I remember right, she used it as one of the reasons for leaving me. Saying that I was "suffocating" her social life. If I take a girl out to a nice restaurant for a dinner, I would at least ask that she have the decency to talk to me. Instead of her roommate, especially if its about something pointless like FroYo. I understand her answering a text or a call if it is something important, but I would hope that I am more important than a $3 cup of crappy frozen yogurt... Good riddance... Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I know that deep down I treated her the way she deserved to be treated. I was honest, caring, and respectful of her. She just took me and my love for her for granted. It is her loss, not mine. I am sure that in time she will come to realize what she threw away, and regret what she did. Ultimately though, by breaking up with me she saved me from making one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I feel exactly the same about my ex. Except I have doubts that he will ever regret what he did, because the more I think of it, the more it seems to me that humans just like to be with people who treat them like sh*t. It's a depressing thought but it seems to verify more and more each day. It is funny because now whenever I see a picture of her, I see a stranger... I'm beginning to feel this way, it's the weirdest feeling... Link to post Share on other sites
sandcast123 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I feel this most acutely because I am 54 years old. I know my chances of meeting someone are small. I worry about that. I don't want to be alone. I am going to figure out how to be happy no matter what happens - make my own life full, even without a husband. I feel sad about that but I think I have to go ahead even if alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I can totally relate OP. It's been a long time since my breakup and I've tried dating others, but nothing has worked out. I'm feeling super discouraged. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I can totally relate OP. It's been a long time since my breakup and I've tried dating others, but nothing has worked out. I'm feeling super discouraged. Well then stop trying. Go out have fun and enjoy life. When you are happy and happy with you are and your goals, you will find out that you will attract people to you. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 case in point... the night after my ex broke up with me, I went to a bar and just drank water and hung out with people. I was devistated and some guys invited me to sit with them. They told me about teamwaar.com and the kickball league they play on. I said hey what an amazing idea, playing kickball and meeting new people. So I joined 4 weeks later, I had my first game thurs night. We lost 19-0 but you know what, I STILL HAD FUN. I Hung out with this cool chick at the bar afterwards. There are 398 people in the league and at least 200 of them were at the bar that night. I introduced myself to all the girls at the bar as Sir Wilson (its cute and women love it). A couple hours into it this girl grabbed my ass while I was about to go talk to another girl. Completely caught me off guard, she was like Sir Wilson I am so sorry, here let me give you a hug. I hugged her and said slow down young lady, we have all night to grab each other but I need another hour to hang out with my new friends. She said oh what a shame, I was leaving now. Here's the kicker, if I WAS PAYING ATTENTION to what she said to me instead of the girl I wanted to meet that night would have been more interesting then the jello wrestling match that happened later on in the bar See Im not trying to date anyone! Am I lonely, yes I am! One month into breakup and I lost my physical comfort to come home to each night but you know what, next thursday if she grabs my ass again, it will be on like Donkey Kong. Just go out, have fun, enjoy life, make the best of it and I promise good things will happen to you. If theres one thing I can say to you right now, this breakup was the BEST thing that has happened to me in a long time Link to post Share on other sites
errlack Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 having these feelings tells me you have some self-improvement to do. Work on yourself. work out, buy new clothes. feel attractive. identify your insecurities (and you must have some) and do what you can to correct/minimize those problems. Use the pain of the breakup to make positive changes in your life! my breakup was a good thing for me. Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Reading all these posts has really really helped me, my ex broke up with me 4 weeks ago, seemingly so in love and i was his one etc etc for the first yr then a sudden change, he bacame complacent and stopped making any effort. I think he's used to his mum-he's 36-doing everything for him and adoring him, he has lived at home for the past 3 yrs, and she thinks he is perfect. Anyway, i couldnt just be a doormat and not question what was wrong, he kept saying he loved me wanted to be with me etc, but still didnt ever take me out, make an effort, and i did, and felt like a mug, then one night when we were rowing about it and he had no answers he said "this is over" and that was that. Saw each other twice after, a few phone calls which left me feeling devestated and in bits. I intitiated nc for just a measly week and it was jsut so hard, i thought i could do better, then i called him. now am seeing him tomorrow! why?? for more of the same!! youre posts made me realise i do deserve better, i need to stop being so afraid of being alone, and also just accept that it didnt work and i may never get any answers. its hard to think someone doesnt want you anymore when they once were so head over heels in love and i am so afraid that i will never come close to having that again. Link to post Share on other sites
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