Lea L Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Hey, this is my first time posting on anything like this, but I am in desperate need of advice... So if I'm doing this wrong, please bear with me. And this is probably going to be a little long, so I'm sorry for that, too... Anyway, I've been with this guy (I'm 21 and he's 24) for about 2 months now and we recently said, "I love you," to one another and things were going fantastically well. However, just 2 days ago, we went to a water park with his sister and her boyfriend (this was my first time meeting her and the first time he had introduced any girl to his family). He had been drinking a lot and then he flirted with admission girl. Both his sister and boyfriend looked at me like they knew that was bad, which was reassuring because I felt mad and wanted to confirm with other people that what he just did was bad. We then all proceeded to keep walking. Shocked and angry, I loudly said, "F*** you." and just kept walking. He ran up and apologized to me and kissed me, etc... But I said it was not okay with me for him to flirt with other girls while he is in a serious relationship. He was drunk throughout the day (this was unusual since he never drinks that much), so I couldn't really have a good conversation with him about it. But his argument was that he didn't want to look like he was p****-whipped, and that he has an image to maintain, but I told him that there are ways to not appear whipped without blatantly flirting with other girls right in front of me. This was after he flirted with at least 2 more girls... I argued hurt my feelings because we were committed to each other and for him to flirt with other girls in front of me was disrespectful to me and the relationship. He said something that, "he might make them think that something might happen, but at the end of the day, I am the only one he's coming back to." His sister agreed that he was being rude, but her boyfriend said that him flirting is him being his own man. When I asked the boyfriend if it was then okay for me to flirt with other guys (which I have no desire to do), he then said that it was not okay for me to do that. I asked my mom if it was okay to flirt with other people and she said definitely not. My friend also said definitely not okay. I'm at a loss here. I'm not a very jealous person, but he flirted with a few more girls at the pool when he knew it upset me, and I ended up almost crying about it. Then later that night at a club where he met my best friend for the first time, we were getting a drink and he said to me, "you order your drink. While I wait for you, I'm going to sit by those girls over there and flirt with them a little." He did not because I expressed my livid disapproval... I don't want to seem jealous, but I'm still hurt by it. I wanted to bring it up to him while he was sober, but my heart hurt, so I felt I should get other opinions first. Am I wrong to be upset by his flirting with other girls right in front of me? And would it be fair of me to let him know exactly how much it upsets me? Or am I just being ridiculous? Sorry for the long post... Thanks, guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) But his argument was that he didn't want to look like he was p****-whipped, and that he has an image to maintain... ROFL!! What a little punk-ass. He has an "image" to maintain? With WHOM? Strangers in the amusement park? What a douche. He said something that, "he might make them think that something might happen, but at the end of the day, I am the only one he's coming back to." Oh brother. Is he that much of a douche that he doesn't even realize how pathetic he looks to these girls he's hitting on? All liquored up and acting the fool hitting on them while he's with his girlfriend? What decent girl finds THAT attractive? I'm at a loss here. I'm not a very jealous person, but he flirted with a few more girls at the pool when he knew it upset me, and I ended up almost crying about it. Then later that night at a club where he met my best friend for the first time, we were getting a drink and he said to me, "you order your drink. While I wait for you, I'm going to sit by those girls over there and flirt with them a little." He did not because I expressed my livid disapproval... Can I just ask you why you feel you have to settle for such a stupid loser? Seriously, you sound like a nice, young lady who has her stuff together, and you're wasting your time with some chucklehead who acts like a freakin' fool and doesn't have the sense God gave a fruit fly. I think you need to stop using the excuse that this rodeo clown was drunk every time he was was making such a total ass-clown of himself. Unless he's drunk 24-hours a day, 7 days a week? Because he's acting like a fool ALOT of the time. You're young. You don't need to be disrespected and humiliated by this little douche nozzle. Seriously, you don't. Find your self-respect and kick his loser ass to the curb. Pronto. Edited June 20, 2011 by Woman In Blue Link to post Share on other sites
Rinas Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 It's only been two months, cut your losses and run for the hills. He's supposed to be on his best behaviour in the first dating stages. This just shows whats to come if you stay. Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 What you do next depends on how high your bullsh*t tolerance levels are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lea L Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 ROFL!! What a little punk-ass. He has an "image" to maintain? With WHOM? Strangers in the amusement park? What a douche. Oh brother. Is he that much of a douche that he doesn't even realize how pathetic he looks to these girls he's hitting on? All liquored up and acting the fool hitting on them while he's with his girlfriend? What decent girl finds THAT attractive? Those are some really excellent points! I'm going to talk to him about it asap in person, and if he still thinks I'm being ridiculous, then I'll have to cut him loose. I want to give him a chance because I've been in a 2-year relationship and his longest relationship was 4 months and he's not been in a relationship for over 6 years and I feel I have more experience and insight than he does (perhaps not, but I'd like to think so lol). Thank you all for the advice so far, but feel free to keep giving me feedback! I mainly wanted to get opinions to make sure that I can confront him without the fear of him calling me out on being crazy-jealous. So I'm glad. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 his longest relationship was 4 months Hmm, I wonder why? If he treats them all like this then it's not surprising that they all get rid of him! Agree with you talking to him about it but don't let yourself get BS'd. You are NOT being jealous or unreasonable here, he was disrespectful and downright rude. If he denies responsibility and blame-shifts or calls you insecure, then end it and don't accept any apologies he might try to make after that point. If he does admit wrong-doing and apologises then it's up to you whether you accept it - but don't keep giving him more chances - this is his second chance, there is no 3rd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lea L Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 If he does admit wrong-doing and apologises then it's up to you whether you accept it - but don't keep giving him more chances - this is his second chance, there is no 3rd. I agree... I think a second chance is fair, but a 3rd would make me a pushover. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Serious question -- is he either very good looking or are you ugly? I've seen time and time again in relationships where one spouse is significantly better looking than the other, the better looking spouse will feel entitled to exert his/her social dominance while the uglier spouse just accepts it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 If he doesn't want to appear to be "p***y whipped" then cut him loose. I mean, really? I think you can do better and find a guy that would be proud to have you on his arm and by his side. Someone that's gonna treat you with some respect! Link to post Share on other sites
beachgirl. Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Aww hun, I'm so sorry. You sound like me. I am also 21, and not a jealous girl. But you can't help but have insecurities when he only feeds them by giving you reason to doubt. I mean, on one hand, it's better that he's not being secretive by doing it behind your back, but it is really disrespectful to do that in your face. Bottom line, he shouldn't be flirting with other girls at all. It is however human nature to notice a good looking person, because there are a lot of attractive people in the world that both you and your boyfriend will notice. But flirting is another thing. You really need to talk to him about this as best you can, tell him how greatly it bothers you, and bring up the fact that he wouldn't like it if he were in your shoes. I know it's hard. You love him and don't want to lose him, but also don't want to be a pushover. Be a strong girl and tell him exactly how it makes you feel, don't leave anything out. Tell him what you've told us and if he loves you he'll understand. And even if he doesn't fully understand where you're coming from, he should respect your feelings. If he loves you, he will be willing to do what it takes to put your mind at ease and respect your wishes, and not hurt you that way. I'm also new to this board and haven't gotten many responses for some reason - probably because my post is SUPER long so it's off-putting. But I could really use some advice since I'm alone 2,000 miles away from home with nobody to talk to. I'd really appreciate if you read my thread and gave me some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Tandybuggz Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Two months? is that really enough time to love? or enough time to be attached? Besides if hes acting like this already? ur in for heartache Link to post Share on other sites
LadyFlame Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Get rid of him; I can't stand weak men. Weak men worry about their so called "images"; what a pathetic excuse for a man. Seriously, why are men so weak? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Get rid of him; I can't stand weak men. Weak men worry about their so called "images" I don't think he is weak. I think he's a misogynistic bully. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissinsecure Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 It's only been two months, cut your losses and run for the hills. He's supposed to be on his best behaviour in the first dating stages. This just shows whats to come if you stay. I agree with this, if he is like this so early on i doubt it will get any better. Hes a bully, you deserve better Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lea L Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 Thank you all for your lovely advice, but there is no longer a need for a response to this, as the issue was resolved. I talked to my boyfriend about it right away and he has apologized to me several times and has not had anything to drink since that dreadful day. He does seem to genuinely feel awful about how he made me feel and he also seemed to realize what an idiot he was being, so it had a happy ending for now. Thank you all very much! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts