malibustacydoll Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 This question is for those of you who married the first person you had sexual relations with. If you married the only person you have ever had sex with-- are you still with them? Do you think about others often? Do you wonder what it would be like to be with someone else? Do you think it is best to have had some variety before getting married? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Not sure if I can answer your questions. I did marry my "only". I knew then that sex with him wasn't good. I tried to make it work but alas no such luck. We are happily divorced and moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Millard Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) I moved in with my only. Really, we're one step away from being married since we've lived with each other for 2 years now. I honestly believe it's normal to think of other people because you've only had one person. Like what Got It said, they knew sex with their only wasn't that great. Sex with my only wasn't that great, tried to make it work, but now it's non-existent. I did cheat on mine once. Wasn't really...thrilled, I suppose? I wasn't that impressed, so I figured that guy was just bad at it too. Or maybe my expectations were skewed and thought it was suppose to be better than it really was. I never told my boyfriend (whom I'm still with) about it and I'm not really looking elsewhere anymore. I had sex with my "only" and then had sex with another guy. Both were kind of average experiences I guess. Bottom line, just because your mind wonders of possibilities doesn't mean it's gonna be better and be this "out of this world, fantastic thing" that people calm sex to be. It's just sex and it's nothing really to get overly ecstatic about. In before trolling - No, I've never had an orgasm during sex before, and I don't care. It's almost too much to ask for at this point. Edited June 21, 2011 by Millard Link to post Share on other sites
Lecturer Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 My wife and I are each other's first and only. We've now been together 13 years. My thoughts of what it would be like with others don't come because I haven't been with others, but because there are compatibility issues between us, which would be there even if we weren't each other's only partner. I'll try to explain as simply as I can... I was admittedly naive going in. I was 16 and my experiences with past GFs weren't stellar. I had no idea how to handle women up to that point, and frankly, none of my GFs seemed to like me that much lol. The result was that I basically didn't think women liked sex/sexuality. Sex and physical affection have always been HUGELY important to me, so I just assumed it was impossible to find a woman that could ever match me in that area. My wife was the first girl to seem interested in sex with me at all. She wasn't nearly as interested as I was, but I thought, 'Hey, this is pretty good I guess'. Note - this was at the START of our relationship, when things are all exciting. As the ages went on, the compatibility issues grew. She has trouble getting over past conflicts, so they became cracks in the foundation of the relationship that have just become worse and worse. So here I am 13 years later and I've now realized that there are, in fact, women out there that match my desire for sex and physical affection. Combine that with the growing problems we've been experiencing, and I can't deny that I've considered what a sexual relationship might be like with others. TLDR: Yes, I'm in the situation and have thought of sex with others, but this isn't totally because I've only had 1 partner. The possibility to have only 1 partner and not think of others remains, as long as there is compatibility and strength in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 and sad..... Can I say there is nothing wrong with marrying your one and only, but these are conversations to have prior to marriage and to know and decide what you want. Is she/he inexperienced too? The point simply is to not compromise and don't obsess about what could be out there. That tells me you are not ready. Simply open communication is essential. Millard, take a deep look as to why you have that attitude and if you really think your SO is happy with it. Counseling is definitely in order. Lecturer, heck you aren't even 30, I can see the issues and wish you luck. Got It.... You knew the issues and not sure you really did anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I married my only. Sort of...I did have some experimentation with a couple other guys, but H is my only lover. Having kissed a few other guys (and a bit more with a couple of guys), I KNEW when I started dating H that the chemistry between us was intense. There was that magnetism with him that wasn't there with others. 20 years later, it is still there. I've never wondered if I would be having better sex with someone else. You know great sex when you have it. Still, I've been with him since my teens, and I did have a period of a couple years in my 20s when I thought I'd missed out on dating as an adult. We talked about it. It passed. Thankfully Now, in my late 30s, with kids, and having seen a lot among my peers....I am very, very glad that I never had to experience bad sex, and bad boyfriends, to find my H. I'm too grateful for what I have to miss what I didn't have Link to post Share on other sites
Author malibustacydoll Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thank you for the responses. I suppose the fantasy of being with someone else is probably better than the actual experience would be. It is probably similar to the excitement you feel when you first start a relationship-- very hard to compare that with the monotony of being with someone a long time. I do think it is different for both people (or even one) to enter a marriage and to have only had relations with that person. Certainly being with someone else whether it was bad/good/so-so is still another experience in the lexicon. While the idealist in me may think it sounds fantastic to find your one and only and have everything work out well.. I contemplate if it is best for me to taste other flavors before making my final purchase. Link to post Share on other sites
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 My wife and I were and still are (18+ years later) each other’s only sexual partners. I feel it's only natural to think about others. I can honestly say I don't think about it often and/or wonder what I am missing out on. The issues in our marriage have been many. Very little of the issues have to do with the fact that we are each other’s one and only. If anything, this has strengthened our relationship and given us the desire to stay together and work through the rough patches, etc. I can remember having the wildest night in memory about a year ago. Incredibly healthy, powerful, emotionally and physically satisfying sex. When we talked about it the next day, her words were something like "it would hurt me to hear you say this BUT, sexually speaking, that sex seemed to answer my question of what sex with someone else would be like, I can't imagine it would be better than that!" I didn't elaborate, but probably should have. I can't imagine that sex with someone else would probably be like that. Maybe in the beginning of a new relationship, but certainly not 17 years later! Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Thank you for the responses. I suppose the fantasy of being with someone else is probably better than the actual experience would be. It is probably similar to the excitement you feel when you first start a relationship-- very hard to compare that with the monotony of being with someone a long time.. If you feel that longterm relationships mean monotony--you probably aren't ready to commit. Link to post Share on other sites
tonguetied Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 my H and I are both each others first and only's. Been together nearly a decade, married with children. There have been plenty of times we have both expressed a curiosity in what other people would be like. We started dating young enough that there have been times we have both felt we missed out on "dating and single life". Talking to each other normally helps, and at this point we still have a very healthy sex life. However, I am not nearly as over it as my H. I have allowed myself to become attracted to someone else, I still feel as though I missed out on dating and "the search". As lucky as I have been to have found him and to be with him now, my mind wanders, quite often, during sex, no matter how good it is, and it is good. Sometimes I use my curiosity and fantasies about the other man, to make the sexual experience with my husband better, though I am sure it would hurt him dearly to know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 My wife is certainly not my only but I would be perfectly fine if she was. I could have done without all the drama and betrayals that have left tons of emotional scars. Link to post Share on other sites
Millard Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Millard, take a deep look as to why you have that attitude and if you really think your SO is happy with it. Counseling is definitely in order. Don't worry. I don 't need to go into details because I already made my own thread about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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