jacksonBrown Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) I have accepted my ex is gone from my life i chased her away, we've been split for almost two months, I know she wasn' the right girl for me our relationship was toxic most of the time, yet i still feel this overwhelming heart ache for her its affecting my sleep i think about her way too much my stress levels are threw the roof i think i got about 4 hours sleep just from stress about things in my life, i'm depressed i've lost 12 kilos in 2 months i'm not eating anything like i used to i do eat healthy now and work out because i wanted to get back in shape and i have except my appetite is nothing like it used to be and i think its to do with my ex, evan tho i have friends and family my heart aches for this girl i really wish i could just chill and forget about her... i guess I'm just lonely Edited June 21, 2011 by jacksonBrown Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 2 Months is still fresh. It doesn't matter knowing the two of you weren't right for one another- that doesn't mean it's going to hurt any less just because you know that. Trust me when I tell you that it gets better. I am at the 3 Month mark and I have to say it's a little better. I know in another month I'll be even better than I feel today. How long did you date for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 we were together for 3 years, I'm sure it will get better i wish i could turn this heart ache off tho it makes me sick to my stomach Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 3 Years is a long time. It's not going to go away overnight. But it will get better gradually. You really do have to allow yourself to grieve fully in order to heal. I'm sorry you are going through this, In the beginning it's really just one day at a time. Keep focusing on the self improvement stuff, it helps. If you want to expand on the storey of your break up, feel free- it might also help to get it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) i know it will get better with time its only been 5 days NC but the last time we spoke wasn't good she told me not to contact her anymore, over the last 2 months we have been in LC i had asked her back a couple of times both times she said no cant do it any more then about 2 weeks ago she asked to borrow my car and i said yes because i thort it was the right thing to do obviously still in love with her, so i wore my best shirt i wanted her to see how much weight i'd lost and how good i was looking, well she used the car dropped it off then left we had a quick chat just small talk then i cracked and asked her out.. she said she'd let me know then instead of going NC i persued it untill she finally txt'd me 5 days ago not to contact her anymore she blocked me off facebook, i know if she saw me out she would avoid me like the plauge and i would do the same to her. i'm still hurting big time tho.. i know i will never be contacting her again but still hurts i wont go into detail but i will say leading up to her telling me not to contact her anymore i really did act needy pathetic and selfish and i cant help thinking about how bad i made myself look and i know it must have made it that much easier for her to get over me Edited June 21, 2011 by jacksonBrown Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 No contact helps a lot. It's really hard at first, but not having contact is the best way to heal, trust me. It's kinda crappy of her to borrow your car- that must have given you mixed messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 yeh the first few weeks leading up to borrowing the car she would txt me things all cheerfull or just make small talk with me she would txt me to tell me she working just round the corner from my house today little things like that, i liked it too becos i thort it meant we might get back together so when i finally saw her and she still declined us getting back together i cracked big time and went alittle bit crasy made myself look like a needy fool i think if i had a more stable life i would dealing with this better but its been a ruff patch for me these past couple months broke my leg 1 week after break up with ex spent 1 week in hospital lost my job struggling with money i live miles from my family .. yeh its been abit ruff i've even been put on anti deppressants for the first time ever not feeling much of a different either :-/ Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Anti-Depressants usually take 6-8 weeks to work. What they can do is help to balance you out, but they won't take away the pain of the break up. It helps you to focus, put things into perspective, and they are good because it stops you from obsessing about things. You've had a tough go of it these past couple months, sounds like you need to talk about things a little more. You can really open up here in this forum, it has helped me in the past, and so many others. Just vent about your feelings, experiences, whatever you need to talk about. Talk therapy is good... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 thanks for the support D-Lish ive been on the anti deppressants for 4 weeks now i think and yeh i havn't noticed a change its hard with my circumstances at the moment got a few things goin on, i think i definatly have been obsessing over the break up i think about it day in day out, evan tho i know she's not the right one i cant seem to stop thinking about will she ever contact me again, wats she thinking all that stuff, i'm glad theres no false hope there any more and i can move on with NC for my own sake. i'l keep updating as the weeks go by i'm interested in hearing your story too can you post me a link Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 thanks for the support D-Lish ive been on the anti deppressants for 4 weeks now i think and yeh i havn't noticed a change its hard with my circumstances at the moment got a few things goin on, i think i definatly have been obsessing over the break up i think about it day in day out, evan tho i know she's not the right one i cant seem to stop thinking about will she ever contact me again, wats she thinking all that stuff, i'm glad theres no false hope there any more and i can move on with NC for my own sake. i'l keep updating as the weeks go by i'm interested in hearing your story too can you post me a link My link is a crazy story, I'm sure I'm older than you- with more experience in heartbreak. I'm 41, been married, and have had quite a few heart breaks in life. Give the meds a chance, they do help. My best advice to you is to keep talking through it. It really helps. Link to post Share on other sites
ImJustAGuy Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Hey dude! This is still fresh! You have to think about you! She obviously wasn't right anyway. Do things you enjoy. Keep busy. I promise it will help! Link to post Share on other sites
nlpman Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Omega 3 oils, 5htp and st johns wort taken together are a powerfull natural anti depressant that works in less than a week! Search you tube for nlp grief / loss Steve Andreas, Tad James, Richard Bandler all have good videos there showing how grief/loss can be substantially reduced in about 30 minutes. Sounds like magic, it is! Dont sit there and suffer, do something about it right now!!!!! Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
shook187 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 look dude, coming from me. i was in a 5 year relationship. things weren't exactly all that great throught it. but we loved eachother. she one day woke up and said. "i need to find myself" can you imagine this after 5 years. she was 15 when we met now 21. and says this. i'd rather she cheated then i'd have some kind of motivation to move on. i'm 15 days NC and have been broken up with her for a month now. it DOES get easier. but you got to LET IT be easier for you. i still think about her every day, all day. but the fact i haven't relapsed gives me the motivation to carry on. i know in my heart she made a mistake, but she hasn't figured it out yet. maybe yours will to. but you gotta eat again (i lost 6kgs in 3 weeks) now i've just put on 2 kilos again, i run and gym every day. it's psychological. don't let it beat you. because think of it this way. our ex's are both eating, going out and having fun. what's the point of dwelling when they don't give a ****! Link to post Share on other sites
mtd4249 Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I can appreciate exactly what you're going through .. I'm 41 and in January by partner (and best friend) took me by surprise because she was "unhappy" and needed "space" after 16 years together. No signs, no arguments, no communication of a problem .... she abandoned me and returned to a city where her family is. Like you, I'm also miles from my parents and the isolation in a new city (where we moved about 5 years ago) has exacerbated my heartache and depression. And, like you, the heartache literally makes me sick to the core. For 3-4 months, I hardly felt hungry at all when I should have. In the last month, things seemed to improve but then last Wednesday I thought I had the courage to sort through the photo albums but I physically couldn't do it .... I broke down crying! Then, the next day I had no appetite all day and when I went out with friends that night for dinner I couldn't finish the meal. For a few days after, my appetite was no good and my stomach was churning! I had similar symptoms come on suddenly a couple of years ago and I was diagnosed with stomach ulcers, so I'm seeing my specialist this week ... but it seems the stress and depression goes straight to my stomach. When you really love someone, it's going to affect you and maybe for quite some time. That's the harsh, painful reality ... all the cliches don't help, I know, but you will get through this ... we all will !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Break ups are sad... but never let break up rules over your life. You didn't chase her away.... she chose to leave herself. My ex broke up with me too, 3 years relationship and nearly got engaged. Anyway, that this change in your life as a new and fresh beginning of more goodness and exciting moments that will come into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 My heart aches soooo badly Think I'm one of those people who will take years to really get over a break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 RuinedLife: You are very devoted to your ex partner. However he/she had left. Take the chance to love yourself more Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 RuinedLife: You are very devoted to your ex partner. However he/she had left. Take the chance to love yourself more I am still very devoted to my ex its true. But sadly he's not devoted to me anymore. I'm trying to love myself more, but its hard when part of me constantly punishes me for causing my break up. Today was a relatively good day though, spent lots of time with my family and played lots of games etc. Still a long way to go to repair my heart, but getting there piece by piece. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 RuinedLife: Never blame everything that result to the break up all to yourself. By pushing all the blames to you really speaks out loud his true character. You are getting there to the road of full recovery Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 RuinedLife: Never blame everything that result to the break up all to yourself. By pushing all the blames to you really speaks out loud his true character. You are getting there to the road of full recovery Yes I know I should not blame myself so much for causing my break up, but try as I might I just can't forgive myself. Because as much as I want to believe my ex played a part to, I know that I am the one who triggered it and if I hadn't let him see how insecure and unstable I really am then he wouldn't have left me. My self esteem is just so low these days. Its a really struggle just to get though each day. But I'm still here and I'm still going. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yes I know I should not blame myself so much for causing my break up, but try as I might I just can't forgive myself. Because as much as I want to believe my ex played a part to, I know that I am the one who triggered it and if I hadn't let him see how insecure and unstable I really am then he wouldn't have left me. My self esteem is just so low these days. Its a really struggle just to get though each day. But I'm still here and I'm still going. Don't think that you are the one who chased him away. I used to think the same way until my mum told me this, "If like this he also can runaway, then he's not the right one for you." I will say you have self-esteem and still believe in yourself. There are people who chose to shut themselves and doesn't want to communicate with any people anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacksonBrown Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Break ups are sad... but never let break up rules over your life. You didn't chase her away.... she chose to leave herself. My ex broke up with me too, 3 years relationship and nearly got engaged. Anyway, that this change in your life as a new and fresh beginning of more goodness and exciting moments that will come into your life. i didn't chase her away but i did push her to the point of her asking me not to contact her anymore, which is probably for the best anyway. Officially 7 days NC and feeling Better, evan have a date lined up for friday stay strong everyone goodluck Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 i didn't chase her away but i did push her to the point of her asking me not to contact her anymore, which is probably for the best anyway. Officially 7 days NC and feeling Better, evan have a date lined up for friday stay strong everyone goodluck Woah, you have a date already?? Congratulations! I wish I could move on a 10th as quickly as that. Going to be at least a few years before I'm ready to date again I think... if then. To be honest I'm not that desperate to find someone else. I just love my ex so much, I put him on such a pedestal in my mind and I can't reach high enough to pull him off it yet. Maybe one day, who knows. But I'm sure its going to take me a few years to really get him out of my system. As its been over 5 months so far and most days I wake up feeling like the break up just happened. Thanks so much for the support Fufu! Means a lot! I hope my self esteem improve soon! I've made lots of friends on here and we're all helping each other! So that really helps! Because I'm so lonely in my room on my own most of the time. So thanks again everyone for posting and supporting each other! Link to post Share on other sites
mtd4249 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 RuinedLife -- I often feel the same way you do. It's been 5 months since my ex left me after 16 years together and I did nothing wrong to her. Even though she abandoned me in a town where I have no family and very few friends, it seems like she is still in my system, if not my heart. In some ways, I think, the more you love someone and invested in them during the relationship the longer it will take before you recover enough to feel like dating someone again. You are 5 months out of your relationship - as am I - and if you're like me it feels like a lifetime! Like you, many mornings are like the first day the relationship ended and my house on my own has become all too familiar these past 5 months. All I can say is that we perhaps loved our ex's less than they hoped but more than they will ever know .... one day I'm hopeful that I (and we all) will find someone who can appreciate that love without complicating life unncessarily. Take care, Mike Link to post Share on other sites
dicky_fish Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 My heart has been in constant agony the whole month since my girlfriend split with me. I miss her so much and I gave her everything, even quit my job to be with her, but she bailed on me because of G.I.G.S. I should hate her for not appreciating just what I'd done, and I am angry for it, but I still love her and would give everything up again to have her back =[ Link to post Share on other sites
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