zig Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I have a slight fetish about bondage. Nothing hardcore or anything mind you, just a little whip would be nice every now and then. I tried to introduce my g/f to this but she didn't seem to want any part of it. I got her to take a belt to me during intercourse once but she stopped and said she felt like she was hurting me (which she wasn't). So seriously, is this something that the vast majority of women aren't into and I should just let it go? If so, no real skin off my teeth. Thing is, if I persist or ask again I'm wondering if she'll think I'm some sort of freak or even worse, a wimp. Does being dominated by a women (in the setting of the bedroom) make you seem like you are weak? Even when all other aspects of your relationship you play the role of the male? Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 It doesn't matter what the majority of women are willing to do or not. You aren't dating the majority of women. You are dating your one, individual girlfriend. All that matters is what she is comfortable with or not. I know a lot of guys (including my ex) who would be okay with having sex while a woman is on her period. My libido is actually highest when I am on my period. Its hard for me to go without sex during that time, but periods bother my boyfriend, so I just don't make him have sex with me during my period. He's a person that I am sleeping with and the idea bothers me (because I love him) of him feeling forced to do something that upsets him, so I compromise. You have to talk to your girlfriend and ask her if she finds doing that to you to be emasculating. Again, it doesn't matter what the majority thinks and you need to stop thinking about the majority. You need to find out how she, personally, feels about it. If this is important to you, then make a point of saying that. If she still doesn't like the idea, though, then you can't force anyone to change or be willing to do anything. You have to either just compromise or decide that the compromise is too great and leave them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zig Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 If this is important to you, then make a point of saying that. I think I'll make it a point by saying it ISN'T important to me and leave it be. She already knows I'd enjoy it and if she's interested eventually she'll come around. LOL sounds like dating. Better safe than sorry when it comes to freakiness. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 You should provide prospective sexual partners with comprehensive surveys during the dating process. But remember, as a man, your job is to push the envelope and break down a woman's sexual defenses. I can't tell you how many woman wouldn't do anal before they dated me, but are huge fans today. One or two have actually thanked me for making them more sexually open. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Desire to be dominated is a feminine trait. So yes, there is a possibility that your girlfriend will see you as a "wimp", as you say. if she feels weird about it, my suggestion is to just drop the subject, especially if it's no skin off your back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zig Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Desire to be dominated is a feminine trait. So yes, there is a possibility that your girlfriend will see you as a "wimp", as you say. if she feels weird about it, my suggestion is to just drop the subject, especially if it's no skin off your back. Yeah I'm not worried about it. If she likes, or likes not, makes no difference to me. Honestly, I'd rather have a seriously kinky girl but do they exist outside of the 2%? There are more important things in my relationship with her and I'm not willing to sacrifice it over my little fantasy world. I think that's my final decision on the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zig Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 remember, as a man, your job is to push the envelope and break down a woman's sexual defenses. I can't tell you how many woman wouldn't do anal before they dated me, but are huge fans today. One or two have actually thanked me for making them more sexually open. I see your point. I'm glad it has worked out for you but you never mentioned the number of women who left you because of your specific desire either. I'm willing to bet there has been as many who said no as there are who said yes. If not, then maybe I need to explore the world of anal if it's so good. Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 But remember, as a man, your job is to push the envelope and break down a woman's sexual defenses. I can't tell you how many woman wouldn't do anal before they dated me, but are huge fans today. One or two have actually thanked me for making them more sexually open. HAHA I love this, and as a woman it seems so true. There is nothing sexier than a man who knows what he's doing in the sack, knows what he wants, wants to give huge amounts of pleasure and explore new ground, pushing boundaries etc. with sensitivity but a degree of forcefulness. Having said that, I'm a sub... and I couldn't get into hurting my bf in the bedroom if you paid me £1m to do it! Though if it was seriously his thing, I'd be willing to give it a try to fulfill his desires. Maybe you could proceed by asking her what some of her fantasies are and begin exploring those? She might feel less threatening by your masochism then. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zig Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 Maybe you could proceed by asking her what some of her fantasies are and begin exploring those? I've asked her that. Her reply was, "I don't have any fantasies" Link to post Share on other sites
HappyPanda Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 do they exist outside of the 2%? Is this a legitimate statistic? ... Because, I read somewhere that 63% of statistics are made up I would think the number of women who have fetishes or fantasies is much higher than that! Light bondage? Sexy! Serious bondage?? kiiiinda scary. Maybe she doesnt understand what you're referring to when you said you'd be into some light bondage, and not that serious ish... Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 It goes both ways, so don't worry. I mean, think of all the women who just can't get excited over men who can't (or won't) dance... to me, that's a fetish! Link to post Share on other sites
Author zig Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I have a fetish for people that confess fetishes on the internet. Does that make me an internet fetish fetishist? I like it when people tell their screwed up stuff on the internet because then I look at myself and say "wow, I'm not as screwed up as I thought!" Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Desire to be dominated is a feminine trait. No, it isn't. That's like saying that the desire to be a slave is an African American trait. Women throughout history have been dominated and treated as lesser human beings, but it is not ingrained in all of their personalities. They weren't treated that way because they secretly all wanted to be. They've been taught to behave that way. And it's sexist to believe that being feminine equals being treated as a lesser human being. And that we all want it. Then that makes it right when we're treated that way and it isn't right. In a sexual context, I don't care who wants to be dominated in what way (because its fun and the two people usually don't truly view each other as lesser human beings), but I don't think this man or anyone else is behaving like a female just because its their preference. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady vs Panda Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Look around on any BDSM/kink/fetish website, and you'll find plenty of women who like to top. They're outnumbered by the subs, but they're definitely out there. It doesn't particularly float my boat, which always surprises people for some reason, I guess because I'm a direct forceful person most of the time. But I have a couple of girlfriends who are into domme. Link to post Share on other sites
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