dealing with anger and conflicts....I'm tired of people pushing my buttons!!!

[Samantha16]

hi, I will spare the details of my situation. But it just seems as though there is always someone trying to tear me down or cause trouble for me. I live in a small town, so gossip and trouble is very common, and I know I'm not the only victim of drama.

 

But I feel so fed up and angry. I've never faught before (and at my size I'm sure I wouldn't be able to anyway), but I'm so tired of feeling angry and feeling so much hatred for certain people. I'm at my boiling point here. I almost want to go against what i know is the wrong answer, and kick some a#$!!!!

 

My question is, besides counting to ten, breathing deeply or seeing a therapist, what is a realistic way to relieve my anger? And what is the best stratagy to get over past conflicts? I feel anger from recent things, and I feel anger from past things. I would like to get closure from something. It's like, things that happened or that were said to me play over and over in my head like a movie. I just want to move on, and learn how to deal with stressful situations better. I don't want to be pissed off all the time.

 

any advice will be greatly appriciated. Thank you.

[HokeyReligions]

You can relieve that anger with physical exercise. Aerobics or kick-boxing are good. Mow the lawn, clean the house, wash the car, jog, just do something physical and if you work hard and build up a sweat and that will help you deal with the anger.

 

AFTER you have dumped the physical anger, try to look at what is causing you stress from an objective viewpoint. If it is a past conflict, what do you hope to gain by bringing it up again? If someone else has brought something up ask them just what it is they hope to achieve? If they can't answer, then they don't know and you should just walk away. Let the drama queens revel in their petty gossip while you live your life and find your own happiness.

[reggio]

Well put HokeyReligions and I agree.

 

Good advice.

[Arabess]

Move.

 

I know it sounds silly, but it's better than being in the middle of a bunch of crap all the time. I lived in a small town which was like that. I saved for a year, added it to my tax return and got the hell out. I'll go 50 miles out of my way now to avoid ever seeing it again.

 

You only have one life and if you find you are in a position to not be able to live in it with some amount of joy and peace.....why waste you time on feeling miserable? You owe it to yourself.

[echocrush]

As you know from my previous posts I am in a similar situation... I got out and ended up right back here on my butt again. That's how I started writing again. In a small town you can't always stand up for yourself, everyone takes sides, and it can cause so many problems.

 

I find with writing I can work through all of those feelings and anger, I can get the justice I can't get in the real world. It makes me feel somewhat better, but as above... moving is always good too.

 

Some people were made to live in small towns and some weren't. I'm NOT, maybe you aren't either...

[Samantha16]

hi, thank you for everyones replies. I know excercise and writing are good methods for relieving stress. I guess I was looking for the impossible. An answer on how to make everything better. But I guess that's the down side to it all. You can find ways to cope, but you can never figure out how to make the actual problem go away. There is definately a lot of problems that go along with a small town....gossip, taking sides, back stabbers and selfish jerks. You just have to learn to be the bigger person and rise above. But emotions just pull you down to there level, and that is unfortunate.

[Becks84]

I agree with the others that exercise, and writing can be of help to getting your feelings out. I prefer to do yoga and practice different methods of relaxation rather than strenuous exercise. I don't know if this pertains to you, but the best advice I can give is to trust in God that he has your best interest in mind and will take care of you and what you can't take care of. My faith and prayers make me feel so much better when things are bothering me. Try and remember this prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to to accept the things I cannot to change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." If you dont believe in God, which I sure hope is not the case, then take what you can from my advice and leave the rest. Just know that some things are out of your hands and you should try your hardest and do all you can to not waste time worrying and caring about things out of your control. Good luck, I hope things get better for you!

[longlegzs80]

I have not done this before, but it looks very tempting to do. At the gym or the local classes around, they have a kickboxing class where you can take your anger out on this dummy thing. Looks like so much fun.

 

Another suggestion which also deals with physical fitness is to play raquetball. I would consider myself the same way as far as people who try to pick a bone with me, which has developed alot of anger, but the best thing to do to get out all this anger is to play raquetball or tennis. Very good for you body and you really can go at it when your hitting the ball.

 

Hope this helps.