Help im going crazy!! Shes not sure if ready for Relationship (Long)

[niknac04]

need some opinions/advice before i go absolutly nuts!!

 

I am kinda dating this girl from work (at my second job) When she started there I thought she was attractive, but nothing more. Well as time had gone by and I learned more about her, i started to develop a crush, but figured I had no chance with a girl like this. Well a few months go by and around Christmas I started to notice her acting differntly around me at work. Instead of the regular hello when I'd walk in, she'd give me a playful little punch, different things, she showed much more intrest in some of my hobbies, etc.

 

Well eventually we kinda went out, just as friends, with other friends. Although she came back over to my place and we sat and talked from about 130am til 630am , and she had to work at 830am. I kept telling her she better get home and get some sleep for work, but she said she'd be ok. I liked being with her so I decided to ask her out again, this time as more of a real date. It would be on Valentines day. At this point we had been talking online and on the phone on a nightly basis, sometimes for hours on end. We have a ton of things in common. Stuff I would have never guessed she was into, and vice versa. She had told me about something she really liked (jelly bellys) and how she was addicted to them.

 

So i decided to buy her a container of them. So about 5 days before we went out again I told her online that I had a suprise for her when we go out saturday. She wanted to know what it was, but of course i wouldnt tell her. anyways, i used this to tease her, it was so much fun for both of us. I'd give her hints on what it was to see if she could guess, etc and she kept begging me to tell her what it is. She finally guessed what it was the day before, but i wouldnt tell her if she was right. On saturday when she met me here at my place i gave em to her, she absolutly loved em. Not a major gift by any means, but all the thought and what went on with them meant the world to her, i could tell. The date went ok, dinner and a movie, nothing more. Im very shy, so i was taking this very slow, as i still wasnt sure if she had feelings for me like I did for her, though by now its starting to become more apparent. Well she emailed me when she got home that night and was still going on about how she loved the Jelly Belly's gift, and had fun and wanted to do it again sometime.

 

By now im pretty darn shure she's into me. I asked her out again the next week and we went to a hockey game and to this new arcade/gaming place. We did mini bowling, racing games, etc .had tons of fun. Again my shyness kicked in at the end of the date and I didnt make any moves. Im not good at reading womens signals etc, but im sure i missed out on a good chance when we were in the car after the hockey game. Well the next night we worked together, and ended up going out again after that shift was over, with her brother and his wife, ended up going bowling. Thats when i started to notice she talked about how i get to see her goofy side when she hangs out with her family, and she said "you'll see me like this alot when their around" and other things like that in refernce to the future (not distant) that i would be in the picture for some time to come.

 

We decided to rent a movie and went to my place again. This time i sat right up against her, leaning on her, but still to dam nervous to make any other moves. I am really starting to like her by this time. We made plans to go to a movie again the next friday night, i was on my way to pick her up and she said "i got a big favor to ask you". I said sure, what is it? She said that her friend wanted to go with tonight. She polietly told him she had plans, but he insisted, this dude has some problems in his life right now, and its probably best he's not alone at that time.

 

I told her its no big deal. she asked if i was sure and said to be honest, so i said, honestly no i dont want him there, but if you cant get him to leave its ok, i just wanted to be with her is all that matterd. Well he was respectful of us, sitting a few seats away from us in the theater. I finally worked up the nerve to hold her hand, desperatly hoping she'd reach back when i did, and she did!! WOW I was so happy, couldnt even tell you what was going on in the movie at that time. (I havent had a girlfriend in over 6 years due to working two jobs and my incredible shyness with women, so for me this was big). I decided i was gonna ask her if she had feelings for me that night, but her friend would not leave.

 

we all stayed up til 430 at her house talking about stuff. It was fun, but i wanted him to leave so bad so i could tell her how I felt, and by this time i really wanted to kiss her. Well it didnt happen. She had to work early and i decided to leave so she can get some sleep, cuz last time she did that, she was a mess at work all day! When I got home I emailed her about it saying i dont know if were just friends or if we could be more, etc and told her I like her more than just a friend. Well, the next night we worked together and she hadnt read her email yet, so I just came out and asked her after work was over. I said are the feelings mutual?? She smiled in a very cute way looking up at me and said yes!! Now i was really happy. Should have kissed her but for some reason the moment didnt seem right. She had to go home cuz her niece was visiting, but she'd call me later that night to get together.

 

Well we both ended up falling asleep and never did anything. We went out again the next week, to another hockey game, this time i finally asked if I could kiss her goodnight. I got a hug and a kiss on the cheek, i figured no big deal, she wants to take it slow and she was incredibly tired because of the medical condition that ended up needing surgery, which is where this gets complicated. Everything seems to be going so well now, but its about to take a 180 degree turn, or in my head it seems that way. Saturday after our date she went shopping out of town with her mother so we didnt go out that night. By this time the cyst she has was really bothering her, very painful (on her tailbone) Sunday she was supposed to work with me. She had to open, I came in an hour later. When I walked in i could tell right away from looking at her she was not happy.

 

I said hello, and she said "im leaving" I knew the pain was unbearable now, and asked if she was going to the emergency room, and she was. She left and as she was leaving she said "you can call me later if you dont here from me". Well she called at work later that day and said they cut her open to drain the cyst, she'd be out of work for 4-5 days. She could not sit at all, only lay around, mostly on her stomach. So this obviously meant dating is out of the picture for a little while. No big deal to me, i just was concerned about how she was doing. I called her the next day to see how she's doing and we talked very briefly. She was on alot of pain medicne.

 

Well the calls became a little less sporadic and i went the whole weekend without hearing from her. When I finally did hear from her she said that she had to have surgery that wednesday to remove the cyst, and that meant she'd be out of commision for at least two to three weeks. this was about a week after the e-room visit and she was able to walk again and somewhat situp etc. so she went and got as much done as she could before she was "put down" so to speak. For some reason, i was feeling very weird that week, you know how the old saying goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder", and something was really bugging me, i mean i could feel it in my body, (some people say im falling in love with her, i dont know since i've never really been to that point before) well i asked if we were moving to fast and she said "I dont know". I asked what she meant by that, because i am not good at this, and havnt had a g/f in 6 years.

 

She said "she just doenst know right now", "I'm not gonna lie to you" "I DONT KNOW IF IM READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW" I asked why and she said because of her life right now, i said because of the surgery?? She said no just whats going on in her life right now. She is living with her mother after a previous relationship wher she lived with her b/f didnt work out and he wouldnt leave. She since dated someone else, back in october. I told her I understand and did not want to rush her into anything or pressure her. I said we can just see how it goes. She said the same thing, and again saying "i wish i could say more, but right now all i can say is i just dont know" This confused the hell out of me. From what I wrote above about our first date, and the very obvious signs that she really liked me, why would she continue to pursue it if she's not ready for a relationship???? It has been driving me insane!! I sent her flowers a couple days after the surgery, just to tell her im thinkin of her and to get well.

 

She called me and said that was sweet. Well i called her every other night after the surgery to see how she's doing. The calls were never long because she doenst have much to talk about since she does nothing but lay around the house all day waiting for the wound to heal (they dont stich it up)I told her if she wanted me to i would go rent a movie and come over and we could hang out together there since she cant go anywhere. She said she'd let me know. That has yet to happen. Well soon the calls became less frequent. Sometimes i'd call and get no answer, which is because she slept alot from the medication. Well then we went a week without talking.

 

I decided to send her a card that says im thinkin of her and I miss her, and wrote a note saying im there for her etc and also said I know shes not sure if she's ready for a relationship, but that I hoped we could keep spending time together when she's better, and we could take it as slow as she would like, dont have to rush anything . I told her I think we could have something very special. She had talked to me that monday (she called me) and then i sent the card and letter that thursday. I didnt want to keep calling her constantly so i dont seem like im overdoing it or desperate. Well i tried calling her the following tuesday (she would have the letter in the mail by now) kept getting the answering machine all day long. didnt try calling wednesday, tried again thursday, no answer again. I begin becoming paranoid that i overdid it with the letter, but she knew how I felt allready, that was just telling her i missed her. By now its April 8th, I hadn't seen her in person since March 7th. I finally got ahold of her that Friday.

 

She had went to the doctor that wednesday and the had to cut her more cuz it wasnt healing correctly, which meant she'd be out longer than expected. Well that was the last time I talked to her. She had another doctors appt. Wed. and I called thursday to see how it went....no answer. tried Friday a few times....no answer. tried sat. a few times...no answer. Now she had called work on Thursday to tell them it would be two more weeks and the doctors would release her to work. then she called work sat. morning before I got there. She's been getting out of the house a little more, but still cant sit down, so she cant be going out and doing much. I am now going insane thinking she doesnt want to talk to me!!!!!!

 

I really like her, maybe i am falling in love with her, i dont know. I didnt try calling today. I want to again tomorrow, just to see how she's doing. Have no plans to talk to her about the feelings stuff. But I feel since she's never aske me over to hang out with her, or the calls have become so infrequent that her feelings may have changed or i may have scared her away by coming on to strong. I've been told to give it time and lay off, which i've pretty much done with the exception of the letter. A few people told me that women that are "sick" can be very emotinal and alot of them shut themselves off from the outside world, especially when it comes to someone they like. I dont know if this is the case, or what, but I just want to know she doing ok. I think about her all the time, totallly uncertain of our future, wether there will be an "us" or not.

 

I know i cant change her feelings about wanting a relationship right now, but at the same time i dont want to give up on this either, because she did have feelings for me. I know its not the first thing on her mind, she s more concerned about getting back to her normal life than her love life. I also realize that when she comes back to work in two weeks i cant just expect to pick up where we left off. She has other friends, and needs a little time to get back into the swing of things. Theres a few other things that really stick out in my mind that she really likes me...for instance i sent her an Ecard after the first couple of weeks of dating, she had a cold, it was just a cute little hope your feeling better card, but her computer wouldnt let her view it, so days later she went to her moms work and finally got to see it, she told me she was jumping up and down and got all giggly about finally seeing her card. Now im not stupid, its just a little card and she got awfully exicited about it. Also we had talked about me driving a race car (we are both huge race fans) and i told her i was gonna flip one for the heck of it and wait inside the car for a minute or two to hold the fans in suspense of wether im ok or not (this was a joking conversation at first), then get out and jump up and cheer, and show that im ok. well her reaction kinda suprised me.

 

It was an emphatic "you better not ever do that or i'll come down on the track and kick your ass right there". I said why, she says cuz you cant scare me like that....etc etc. That showed me right there that she really cares for me, or seems to be conveyed that way. Again, subtle things that make me absolutly sure she was really into me, sometimes more so than I may have been into her. So again I ask why would she do all this is she's all of the sudden not ready for a relationship??? Is it all because of this surgery?? Is she embarassed to have me around when she's sick and depressed like that, is there hope for us. I really am regretting sending her that letter and hope i didnt over due it.

 

Im gonna call and apologize for sending it, because it wasnt the right time to do it, and hopefully get this out in the open and see whats up with her, but i've got to get ahold of her first. Unless she just needs space, which im willing to give, just would like to see how she's doing. She'll be coming back to work around the 30th of this month and hope we talk before then or its gonna be very awkward there at work.

 

So that leads me to two questions!!

1--What can I do to let her know im still here and care for her and am willing to wait, and not over due it an push her away? I really really like her and hope we can make something happen when she's ready (which I also told her in the letter)

 

2--her birthday is next tuesday, what can I get her without over doing it, seeing as were not a a serious stage yet. I was thinking a card and flowers, but not sure if thats to much and should just do the card or what?

 

Sorry this is so long, but i had to paint the picture of how well things were going up until this point...it seems that from the day she got sick she's been totally differnt, and I hope thats all it is, then we can move on from there, taking it slow since she's not sure (which is better than a flat out im not ready)if she's ready to get into a relationship.

[Arabess]

The truth is....someone can begin seeing you and realize you aren't the person for them. To keep from hurting your feelings, they keep making excuses. If she said she doens't want a relationship...that's exactly what she means.

 

Stay friends......certainly acknowledge her birthday.....but don't read more into it than it is. If a woman is interested in you.....you'll know it.

[niknac04]

Thats what makes it so confusing. She didnt say she doesnt want a relationship, just not sure if shes ready to get into one right now because of things going on in her life. And her recoving right now from the surgery i know we cant date and things like that, but i dont understand why the talking over the phone has almost stopped. I tryed calling today again, but got the answering machine. Im to the point now that i need to know if theres a possibliity of it happening between us or not. I just want to talk to her about it to find out so i can move on, which is gonna be very hard, because i've let myself fall very hard for her. At the same time i dont want to keep bugging her about this because, its not the first thing on her mind, getting back to her normal life is what she's thinking about right now. I just cant stop thinking about it, no matter how hard i try.

[Fritz]

Paragraphs man! Paragraphs! Ack!

[Azaroth]

Man, I played that game that you are in right now... the girl is just not sure- you keep pushing it you will end up loosing her! TRUST ME, that's how I lost the girl I loved... I say give her some space and let her come to you... she has a lot on her mind, and if she doesn't call she doesn't call.. She knows you care about her! by all the things you are doing.. Is she showing that she cares about you?

If she doesn't move on!

Another thing I noticed if a girl doesn't want to commit to a bf/gf relationship after 2 months - start looking else where! not saying to drop her like a bad habit - just start dating other people.... b/c it will ease up the seriousness on the relationship

 

 

I kept pushing my old girl toooooo much! I wanted something serious and she didn't! she just wanted to have fun and meet a lot of people and hook up with anyone... But you can't tame a wild animal... and i should have known that....

 

She said she loved me, and cared about me and needed me; Now she doesn't want me in her life.. b/c I got angry b/c i didn't get what i wanted..

 

Give it time man! Rome was not built in a day! If you see something with her - then you got all the time in the world! play it cool! and it will work

 

Ease up man! it's The KEY ELEMENT! if it doesn't work, it doesn't work! ya know? And if you been dating this girl for a while.... I hoped you hooked up with her by now... at least kiss and etc....

Sex i can see holding off on, I don't do random sex things anymore.....

[niknac04]

no no sex, im not like that, besides my incredible shyness prevents that from happening right away. Not even on my mind. I just want to be with her. Things were just starting to get good before she got sick as far as the kissing stuff went. So im still holding out hope that once she's better and like you said, some time has went by we can slowly get back to where we were.

[Tony T]

This is the longest post I've ever seen on this site in four years. Copies may soon be available at bookstores everywhere. (lol)