Becks84 Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 hey guys! This is the second time I'm posting this. I recieved great advice, but I would like more opinions if there are any. Thanks for your time. My boyfriend of 2 years kissed another girl last weekend. A bunch of us were at his best friend's house, (whom we hadn't seen in months because of job re-location). It was a non-stop party all weekend long. (By the way, this friend is bad news, and it made me very happy when he moved away.) My boyfriend seems to still be in "college-mode" with his drinking, which is an on-going issue we have since I really don't drink at all. I don't think my boyfriend was sober all weekend. We went home together Friday night, but we didn't sleep long and we ended up right back at his friend's house in the morning. Normally this kind of behavior is not tolerated by me, and my boyfriend respects that. We have come a long way and have compromised a lot with the drinking issue. But for some reason this weekend I felt the urge to be the "cool girlfriend" by going home early Saturday night to leave the guys to party alone. The guys ended up going out to the bars later Saturday night...with two of my girlfriends. One of which is extremely untrustworthy and seems to always cause trouble in relationships. I don't know how she does it but she did it to just about every one of us in high school, and is apparently still the same way these days. Anyway, my boyfriend called me from the bar that night, like he always does. So after his phone call I was content and went to sleep. The next day I recieved a call from "the girl". She told me they had kissed that night after bar close before they all went home. She said she had to push him off of her and she feels that he has done this before, but said she could be wrong since she doesn't know him at all. She made him sound HORRIBLE and made herself sound as good as possible given the situation. I believed her entirely at first, but as I continued to think, I remembered all of the hurt and pain she has caused so many people, and the fact that she has cheated on every single one of her boyfriend's, and in fact just cheated on her current boyfriend with MY boyfriend. I know my boyfriend's never done this before. I have literally been with him just about everywhere through our entire relationship. He always invites me along and wants me with him in everything he does. He's truly wonderful to me and we have an amazing relationship. We just got back from a trip out of the country, we just talked about engagement plans with his parents, and the list goes on. He claims he knows it happened, but he can't give any details and does not understand why or how something like this could happen. He said he didn't know how to tell me since he doesn't remember much, it's all a blur; he doesn't even remember his drive home. Also, it was Easter, and we were together with both of our families that day. Not a good day to bring up such news to me. I was cursing the girl and everyone else involved, and my boyfriend said he only has himself to blame, and he is truly sorry. We cried together for a couple of days every time we talked. I was so sad because I felt he left me no choice but to end the relationship, when we had so many future plans together! I know the kiss meant nothing and I truly believe I mean the world to him. But I always told myself I would never be with someone who had cheated on me. I don't know what to do. I love him dearly and can't imagine my life without him. He told me he would do whatever it would take to keep us together, even if it meant quit drinking all together, or only drink when I am around. For now we have compromised on no drinking, no going out, unless I am there with him. But this compromise doesn't give me the best feeling. I was always such a good girlfriend to him, and now I feel like I have to a mean one, and I tell myself it's his fault. But at the same time I have this resentment in the back of my head, I want so badly for us to move on from this, because I believe he is truly sorry and he won't do something like this again. The things he has said and done since this has happened, tells me he is truly remorseful. How can I shake these feelings in the back of my mind thoough?? Link to post Share on other sites
Cutie314 Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I think you know the right answer to this. It sounds like you are in 2 different places. What makes you think that he is ready to settle down? I know you have talked about it, but has he made any adjustments? How many other serious relationships have you been in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Becks84 Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 cutie-he tells me he's ready to settle down. He tells me all about his hopes, dreams, and plans for the future, which I thought we shared. Maybe I'm just naive. That's what I'm struggling with right now. I could be one of those stupid girls that doesn't see through their rotten boyfriend. But then as I say that, I also say I know him and I love him and I'm not being stupid. You're very right, I am in 2 places at once. It's taking a lot out of me. I have been in relationships this long before, but that was back in high school. This seems so different, so much more of a real relationship. Everything has been awesome...until now. I just don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Get over this event. You trusted your boyfriend, he got drunk and kissed a girl. First of all, I would be very very furious not about the "I don't quite remember" part, which could be true, but about his lack of control when it cames to his alcohol problem. He should be able to know when to stop, as you are not going to always be there for him. So maybe you shouldn't be so overprotective, like have rules and everything, trust him and let him handle it. He'll have to grow up, right? Not even remembering how he got home? I suppose he drove back home, right? He could have gotten himself killed, you know. This is serious! Himself and some inocent people. About that other girl - she'll probably jump on the next drunk- as- a- Christmass- tree- man she meets, so that's enough of a punishment for one person. I believe she enjoys it too, which proves her quality as a person- she called herself to inform you, like the cherry on the pie... Be a smart woman and take back your man. Let him have his medicine first ! You two have a good thing going, you just need to work on it a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Becks84 Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 curly- you're right. I don't want us to have rules and things like that in our relationship. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I trust him that this is something that will never happen again, and that's the most important thing - how I feel. thanks for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Californiadoll Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 wow, you know what? Guys do really STUPID things when they have alcohol in their systems. i'm the girl that is absolutely heart broken with her recent split up. You posted under my thread and I figured I'd look at yours and i'm glad I did. One thing I haven't mentioned in my thread is the fact that the friday of the weekend my boyfriend and I split up, he had 13 beers...it was the most messed up i'd ever seen him. I wasn't aware he was getting this drunk because I was upstairs sleeping. It was 12:30 at night and realized he hadn't even come up to say g'nite to me. I walked downstairs and was so upset to see him that wasted that I ran back upstairs and cried in my pillow. See, we've had problems with his drinking before. He promised me he'd never get that drunk since the last little episode. So he chased me back upstairs and from then on, it was a constant battle with him. He was slurring his words, blending random numbers and letters together and kept falling over and raising his voice. He said many hurtful things to me but worst of all, he grabbed my wrists so hard he gave me bruises AND he kept throwing me down on my bed every time i'd try and calm him down. after I settled him down, he finally fell asleep. The next morning I told him what happened and he started crying. He told me he was sorry and he wouldn't touch another drop for a long time. Even if that was so, it was a side i'd never seen of him before and it scared me to death. I know he was sincerely sorry but if you let yourself get that wasted, you've got a problem. especially to the point of having no inhibitions, such as the case with your boyfriend. I can understand you wanting to be a "cool" g/f because I wanted to be that too but who's to say it won't happen again? Try and fix the relationship but if you find yourself not being able to trust him within the next month or so, you probably never will and that's the truth. What would happen if you guys were married and he wanted to go out to a bar with some girls and guys? Would you honestly feel comfortable with that? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 Girls can do the same stupid stuff when they're drunk as guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Becks84 Posted April 23, 2004 Author Share Posted April 23, 2004 californiadoll- I'm sorry to hear about the drinking part I truly understand. I think my boyfriend has a problem, but he is willing to stop drinking, and I am going to take total advantage of it. The trust is not completely there, but I hope with time it will be again. There's just going to have to be compromises whether I'm "cool" or not, and he has willingly agreed to this. So yea, I completely agree with you. THanks for your thoughts, and good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts