Author wth Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) she told me she was going to see a movie last night after we put our kids to bed. I fell asleep watching tv, she texted me at 3 a.m. simply saying she was at her sisters. I know she has been talking to him over the phone for over 4 hours... I woke up about 4 am and realized this, this is the first time that she has brazenly called him in a way that shows on our online phone acct log. I'm thinking her choice is brazenly continue and damn the consequences. I haven't responded to her text, not sure what the point would be a little info about her family situation. her dad is deceased, her mom and sister live together in a tiny apt with her sisters young son (approx 1 yr old). Her mom is a head case, huge debt issues, taking out credit cards in her kids names, abandoned her first child to her mother to raise for her. When my wife and I were first together she stole over $4, 000 from us (we were young and stupid). And her mom totally hates me because she blames me for kicking her out of our house. She needed somewhere to stay a few years ago and we were struggling while I was working full time and my wife was in school so her mom moved in with us and helped by watching the kids when needed. This lasted less than two years, the woman has some serious emotional issues that I didn't realize before she moved in. She was being emotionally abusive to our kids while we were gone, we had to make her leave. Very messy, still lots of hard feelings. My wife didn't speak to her mom for almost 2 years after this except on holidays. Her sister has always taken advantage of her. She used to come by whenever she needed money and go shopping with my wife and get her to buy groceries for her, which I didn't mind exactly, but felt like she was using my wife. About a year ago she sold what little property her parents had managed to aquire. I remember her coming to our house and telling my wife that the proceeds from the sale should be hers exclusively because their dad loved her more than he loved my wife (he is deceased). There was a form that she needed me to sign because as my wifes husband I had to give up any property rights to the property before her sister could sell it. I told my wife over and over that she should stick up for herself and demand half of the amount (the total was a little over $20,000). However she just insisted that she didn't want to fight about it and asked me to sign the form so I did. I certainly didn't want to enmesh myself in any more of her families craziness, and didn't figure the money was worth the amount of brain damage it would have caused me. I guess my point is that I'm furious at my wife for running to her family, who see's her as nothing but a tool they can manipulate for their own purposes, I'm sure they are more than happy to see us having problems. They would like nothing more than to have my wife around and leach off of her, and will gladly enable and encourage my wife's incredibly stupid behavior if they can find a way to use her for their benefit. Sorry for the rant. Edited June 24, 2011 by wth Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 well I sent emails to her friends, contacted her close family with a call, and have tried calling the OM multiple times but of course he won't answer. Left him a voice mail and sent a couple text messages. lol. You are wasting your breath!! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 The OP needs to lay down boundary's without being a control freak. You to your wife. " Wife I know all about you and xyx" (For G-d's sake don't tell her how you know) Listen to her denials, then put your hand up and say calmly. "I'm, not stupid you are offending me by not telling the truth. I will not live in an open marriage, either cease contact with OM with full transparency or leave the hous, whats it to be? Anything less than an agreement?, any more denials?, say nothing, walk away be calm. Next time she goes out, pack her stuff in boxes put them in the garage. When she comes back your script is Wife I understand now this marriage isn't working for me either, it's unhealthy to live like this for both of us, so I've packed your stuff up. I'll even help you move and will be filing for divorce and a 50/50 childcare. In fact you will hear from my lawyer in the next few days. She will spin up you like Sonic the Hedgehog at that point. Hold your hand up, say calmly "until you can speak to me in a civil and friendly manner this conversation is over" then walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wth Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 The OP needs to lay down boundary's without being a control freak. You to your wife. " Wife I know all about you and xyx" (For G-d's sake don't tell her how you know) Listen to her denials, then put your hand up and say calmly. "I'm, not stupid you are offending me by not telling the truth. I will not live in an open marriage, either cease contact with OM with full transparency or leave the hous, whats it to be? Anything less than an agreement?, any more denials?, say nothing, walk away be calm. Next time she goes out, pack her stuff in boxes put them in the garage. When she comes back your script is Wife I understand now this marriage isn't working for me either, it's unhealthy to live like this for both of us, so I've packed your stuff up. I'll even help you move and will be filing for divorce and a 50/50 childcare. In fact you will hear from my lawyer in the next few days. She will spin up you like Sonic the Hedgehog at that point. Hold your hand up, say calmly "until you can speak to me in a civil and friendly manner this conversation is over" then walk away. Problem is I don't have the money to hire a lawyer right now, not sure I'm comfortable bluffing something I can't back up Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 The OP needs to lay down boundary's without being a control freak. You to your wife. " Wife I know all about you and xyx" (For G-d's sake don't tell her how you know) Listen to her denials, then put your hand up and say calmly. "I'm, not stupid you are offending me by not telling the truth. I will not live in an open marriage, either cease contact with OM with full transparency or leave the hous, whats it to be? Anything less than an agreement?, any more denials?, say nothing, walk away be calm. Next time she goes out, pack her stuff in boxes put them in the garage. When she comes back your script is Wife I understand now this marriage isn't working for me either, it's unhealthy to live like this for both of us, so I've packed your stuff up. I'll even help you move and will be filing for divorce and a 50/50 childcare. In fact you will hear from my lawyer in the next few days. She will spin up you like Sonic the Hedgehog at that point. Hold your hand up, say calmly "until you can speak to me in a civil and friendly manner this conversation is over" then walk away. Good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Problem is I don't have the money to hire a lawyer right now, not sure I'm comfortable bluffing something I can't back up Check out www.unitedway.org to see how they can help. Don't just accept her actions because of money. If you tell her to stop and she refuses, pack her stuff and leave it on the doorstep, go to the city and find out how to make her pay, or just go to the bank and get control of the bank account...do something. She HAS to see you strong, or you're screwed. Link to post Share on other sites
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