"I don't want to be with you RIGHT NOW"

[Templar]

Hey all,

 

First time poster, my gf broke up with me about a week ago, so far things have been good, NC since we last talked, haven't pestered her in any way shape or form. Until last night I was confident it was over, but now I kind of want an outsiders view, so it might be a longer read.

 

I've known my ex for a few years through work, until last August, we never really talked much, but then we started hanging out, and I could feel immediate sparks. She had a controlling bf at the time who found out we were spending time together, so we agreed to stop spending any time together, and lost contact for several months.

 

December they break up, January she starts texting me non-stop, we start hanging out, and eventually dating in late January. Things are phenomenal the first few weeks, it looks like its going to be a good fit, but suddenly she buys a puppy and also has her shift changed opposite to mine (beyond her control). Time management becomes a HUGE source of tension and things come down pretty quick, after just 2 months she says "I'm sorry, I'm just not ready for this level of a relationship with you, I want to be with you, right now I just can't". Many times she said she needs more "her" time as she wasn't full over her ex and was trying to sort herself out. During those 2 months she was emotionally unavailable and also physically didn't want to have sex yet (this combination was a red flag for me).

 

A week later, she calls me back and wants to start hanging out, I instead invite her to coffee to talk things over, and agree that she should take more time to herself and we'll consider dating after she has healed from her ex. We also agree that she needs to come back with 100% and nothing less. Another week passes, she comes over, misses me, kisses me, and we agree try again. Sex doesn't happen, things go the same way, time management issues, she thinks I'm asking for too much too fast (I wanted to be exclusive and a little physical, but I wasn't asking her to move in or anything!)

 

Fast-forward, last weekend. We FINALLY get into the physical part just a bit, we're making out, I get her shirt off, all is going well, but the problem is its simply too late with work the next morning to go all the way. We agree to wait until the weekend, but something happens, she IGNORES me all weekend, and then calls monday and breaks up with me for almost the exact same reason! she says "you want more than I can give right now, I want to focus on me and my puppy and I feel like I'm just dragging you along", as I'm a no BS kinda guy, I ask her to be straight, she throws the "I just don't have time for the relationship you want right now", and I tell her thats more of a soft letdown and to be honest and tell me she just doesn't want to be with me so I can move on. She comes back again with "No, thats not it, I just don't want to be with you RIGHT NOW". What the **** was this supposed to mean? I'm supposed to wait and have hope?

 

I accept I pushed a bit, but no more than to get my basic needs met from someone who clearly had me on the back burner of priorities, but I just wonder if anyone can help me understand, we had such amazing sparks at the beginning, and even before we dated. Did she just need an emotional rebound from her ex, or was I just wasting my time from the beginning?

 

Last night she texts me and thanks me for dropping her stuff off in her locker, tells me she is doing ok and so is the puppy. I tell her through text that I miss her, but I think the breakup was the right idea. She texts back she misses me too, but also agrees. This got my emotion going again. I have a feeling its not the last time I'll hear from her, I don't know if I'd want to try again after things were so badly the first 4 months, but I'm not sure at all. . .

 

What should I do if I hear from her again? I support NC unless she is the one breaking it.

Edited June 22, 2011 by Templar

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t283551/ <== read my post from this thread. I go over NC, contact while in NC (her contacting you), and various other things that I got from all the 'get her back' books that I purchased after my break up.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

"I don't want to be with you RIGHT NOW".... That's an oldly but a goodie... I love it when someone uses throwback or classic break up line!

 

Just so you know.... What they really are saying is this:

 

"I am being nice and trying to let you down very gently... I want to be single and go date other people. However, if in the end, I do not find someone who is better than you, then I want to be with you. Just in Case... If you don't mind, please do not move on, date or fall in love with anyone else! Thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter."

 

 

lmao... I love your analysis on that line

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

You should go check out my response to the "It's not you, It's me" line...

 

It's an instant Classic!

 

Click Here to See it!

 

 

.... you should make a thread that contains all the classic lines and your analysis of them. keep it true but funny as you have done with these lol.

[justsumguy71]

Hey kiddo, you do realize that you are the rebound guy right?

 

I really hate seeing good guys getting burned by wayward just "singled" girls. You were fine before she brought her baggage in front of you and then had you take the bait and be drawn in her twisted world where she feels insecure, lonely and repressed until she gets some validation from the male species. Unfortunately, the moment you give her that validation, she will be gone immediately. The puppy incident should have told you where you stood. It was a big red flag.

 

Do yourself a favor, do not let this girl walk all over you anymore. Respect yourself and meet other girls. NC is the right thing to do.