migoly Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I was dating a man for a few months when I got pregnant. We decided to keep the baby and move in together, but he is a loser and I dont know what to do. He had money when we were dating, but it seemed to be some that he saved and he is not very employable. He never went to college and works construction for a very low wage. He also seems unstable with periods of unemployment. Unfortunately I am still in school working on myt PhD and hope that I can get a decent job after I graduate, but I worry how we will support this child before then. Other things that bother me are the he smokes all the time (though not in the house), sometimes he drinks too miuch...there was a week where he drank every day. He says he has PTSD which sometimes affects his life. I don't know what the hell I was thinking when we first met. Maybe I was just too happy to have someone love me the way he did. I have been married before and the guy was great but we were more like roommates than lovers. I dated for the past 5 years and havent been able to find someone who I really liked. I am not sure what the hell I was thinking when I met this guy. So now I am stuck with him until I graduate and get a job of my own. I guess it is my own bad judgement and now I have to grin and bear it for the sake of the baby. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I went through something similar (without the degrees), and got the best advice straight from my son's father's mouth:"If you're going to be with me, you're going to have to lower your standards!" That's what he's not brave/dumb enough to tell you, bit that's what he's saying. What's your answer? Link to post Share on other sites
luvbun80 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I was dating a man for a few months when I got pregnant. We decided to keep the baby and move in together, but he is a loser and I dont know what to do. ... So now I am stuck with him until I graduate and get a job of my own. I guess it is my own bad judgement and now I have to grin and bear it for the sake of the baby. So it sounds like you're "stuck" letting him support you, belittling his occupation even though it puts food on your table, a roof over your head and keeps your pretty butt on the school bench, until you are able to stand on your own and can kick him aside like an old pair of socks. Does that pretty much sum it up? Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 You don't have to grin and bare anything for the sake of anything. If he doesn't work enough money you can be the bread winner. There is nothing wrong with you holding down the fort. If you don't want him that's another story. Pack your things and leave. Don't use him to balance out your lifestyle. Ask for child support and go on your merry way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author migoly Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Well he is not really putting a roof over my head, I contribute also with a stipend I get from my graduate program. I could be the breadwinner but I have a baby on the way and a 9 year old who I want to be there for. Once I graduate I would like to get a teaching job at a university which is flexible so I will have time for my children. I was able to stay home with my 9 year old until he was 5 and enjoyed that time with him. I feel that this child will be cheated because I am not able to be there for her in the early years. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 You are a gold digging whore migoly... you just arent very good at it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author migoly Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 I get a small stipend from my graduate program and I have child support and alimony. The alimony is ending and I am scared that I will not have enough to support myself. I am scared about holding down a job with a 9 year old and a newborn. I suffer from depression and anxiety and the thought of having my children depend on me for an income scares me. Link to post Share on other sites
scaredandalone1223 Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I'd rather have love than money any day! Your previous marriage should have taught you it's not about the things you have. If your new guy loves you and treats you well and you can't see past Vegas then let him go so he can find a woman who will appreciate him for who he is not what he can buy them. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Awww poor you. YOU made the decision to hook up with this guy. He was good enough when he was spending his money on you, now that it has ran out you are re-writing history. Bull___. Leave him then, maybe your degrees will keep you warm at night. Bloody hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author migoly Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 I feel like it was fine before I got pregnant...not sure if it is the hormones or not. It is not just the money, it is also the instability. I don't think that this would bother me as much if I wasn't 9 months pregnant. If I knew the job was stable, I would feel much better about the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
wezol Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I feel like it was fine before I got pregnant...not sure if it is the hormones or not. It is not just the money, it is also the instability. I don't think that this would bother me as much if I wasn't 9 months pregnant. If I knew the job was stable, I would feel much better about the situation. So then get a job....contribute to the household and work together to make it stable... Link to post Share on other sites
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