xomotoxgirlxo Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 For a while I barely worked and it seemed like there was never anything going on. Now, I am working a lot more during the week and on Sundays and there is always something being planned where I can't go. Me and my boyfriend never use to do anything separately. Occasionally, I would meet up with my friends during the day when I didn't work but that was it. I have missed a few river trips because of work and my boyfriend goes with our friends. Its extremely hard to stay focused at work when all I am thinking about is him having fun. This weekend our friends are planning on going to some event and he wants to go but I am working my shift along with someone else's shifts that I picked up. I am really frustrated that once again I am unable to go. Is it wrong to get mad at him if he goes without me? I know for a fact that if I did that to him it would cause a MAJOR fight. I just feel extremely left out... Link to post Share on other sites
TheCoolest Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Why are you guys so immature? That is extremely stupid. Because you can't have fun he can't have fun? How does that make sense? That is wrong yes. My girlfriend goes places without me all the time. I can't even walk right now and on friday she is going to a club with out friends. I will be at home alone. And i really don't care. But i guess misery likes company. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I don't see anything wrong with him going without you. But there IS something wrong if he would throw a MAJOR fuss, like you said, if you went without him, and yet he goes without you. I'd sit him down and talk about it. Either you both go without the other, or you both don't. With the bf and I it depends, if one is working the other would go. But if I were sick, yes, I expect him to take care of me instead of going out with friends, and would do the same for him. The issue here is really giving what you expect. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Is it wrong to get mad at him if he goes without me? Yes. It doesn't make any sense to me at all, and it comes across as possessive and immature, IMO, along the lines of "well, if I can't have any fun, you shouldn't have any fun, either". What good would that do? On a more general note, I don't understand why couples should have to do everything together, and I don't even think that is healthy in a long term perspective. A relationship is a partnership. It doesn't mean you are tied to the hip. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Is it wrong to get mad at him if he goes without me? He's not some toy that you only take out to play with when you have the time. What should he do when he has free time but you don't? Sit on his hands in a dark room? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xomotoxgirlxo Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I do see the selfishness in it and I don't think couples should have to do EVERYTHING together. I do plenty of things with my friends but its nothing that would interest my boyfriend or make him feel left out. I guess what makes me upset is he is doing things that he knows I want to do AND basically why I posted this is because I know for a fact that he would not like it if the tables were turned. Maybe its just this specific event that I feel would suck if he went without me. I do see both sides... Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Is it something that he can delay/postpone until a time when you're both free? Or is the only opportunity for him to do this thing at a time when you're not available? If it's the former then perhaps he should wait until you can go with him, but if it's the latter then I don't see why he should miss out just because you can't go anyway as that's not fair to him (and it's not his fault that you're unavailable if it's because you're working). Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Is it something that he can delay/postpone until a time when you're both free? Or is the only opportunity for him to do this thing at a time when you're not available? If it's the former then perhaps he should wait until you can go with him, but if it's the latter then I don't see why he should miss out just because you can't go anyway as that's not fair to him (and it's not his fault that you're unavailable if it's because you're working). I second this. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yep, it's wrong, immature, possessive and hopefully this attitude is something you'll grow out of. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Did all of you guys miss the fact that she said he throws a fuss when she goes without him? I don't think the problem lies solely with her. It would definitely lead to resentment if she rejected outings just to keep him happy, but then he went without her when she was busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Did all of you guys miss the fact that she said he throws a fuss when she goes without him? For the record, it's equally stupid when he does it, too. I'd dump a guy cold for pulling that nonsense with me. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Did all of you guys miss the fact that she said he throws a fuss when she goes without him? I saw it and didn't comment on it... but two wrongs don't make a right, so just because he does this doesn't mean that it's okay for her to do it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 But none of the advice above is suitable if he keeps throwing a fuss when she does things without him, as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 But none of the advice above is suitable if he keeps throwing a fuss when she does things without him, as well. Yes, it is. She should grow up and get over it and tell him to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Did all of you guys miss the fact that she said he throws a fuss when she goes without him? I don't think the problem lies solely with her. It would definitely lead to resentment if she rejected outings just to keep him happy, but then he went without her when she was busy. Yes, but responding tit for tat isn't going to solve the problem. Her main question is whether SHE is wrong to not want BF to go out without her. I think that's wrong, regardless of whether he is operating at the same level or not. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Is it wrong to get mad at him if he goes without me? I know for a fact that if I did that to him it would cause a MAJOR fight. I just feel extremely left out... Yes. If you hate the situation, then look for a job that gives you the free time you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 (edited) Yes, but responding tit for tat isn't going to solve the problem. Her main question is whether SHE is wrong to not want BF to go out without her. I think that's wrong, regardless of whether he is operating at the same level or not. Oh, that's true. However, telling her that she should just be okay with it because it's wrong to do otherwise, like most of the posters said (until one corrected her post after mine) isn't going to work in this situation. If anything, it'll make things worse because he'll just keep getting his cake and eating it too, and fostering resentment. Hence what I said about her needing to talk to him about the hypocrisy of his actions. IMO, the problem goes deeper than just her wanting to do everything together - I actually know a few couples that really do, and both partners are happy with it, so whatever floats their boat I guess. When one's partner starts requiring things of one and yet feels that he is entitled to do the exact opposite, it is usually a sign of a deeper-rooted problem than the thing itself. If you get what I mean. Edited June 23, 2011 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
Author xomotoxgirlxo Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Thank you Elswyth, I do feel a little attacked with this post. I don't think it has anything to do with maturity at all. Maybe this problem stems from my past relationship and the issues that went on. I think the best thing to do is have him put himself in my shoes and see how he feels and I know he would feel the same way. I don't want people to think that he absolutely can't do anything without me. It just started to make me upset because it was happening a lot more than I was use to because we usually do everything together. Its hard to break out of that cycle when you are use to it. Couples do need time apart. Link to post Share on other sites
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