CD111 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Hello Everyone, I am looking for some words of wisdom. My boyfriend and I are not married but I have decided to post in this forum because people in long term relationships or marriages may have more experience with sudden premature ejaculation. My boyfriend (of six months) and I have had a great sex life up until the last month and then suddenly he began having premature ejaculation. He literally ejaculates in less than one minute of intercourse. He is well aware that this is happening and is apologetic everytime. The last time we had sex we talked about it a little bit and he said he has just lost complete control, doesn't know why and that it has never happened before. He is not on any new medication that I know of either. I am definitely frustrated and am trying very hard not to make him feel worse then he already does. I have tried to initiate sex at different times of the day, on the weekends (thinking he maybe less stressed and more relaxed) and different positions but there is no change. I have a healthy sex drive and have reverted to pleasuring myself after he falls asleep because he leaves me all hot and bothered. He doesn't know this because it would just make him feel even less adequate. From my experience having a good sex life is important in a relationship and for me is much more than just a physical aspect of a relationship. He has been under a fair amount of stress lately and has had a hard time adjusting to his current night shift (last month). He doesn't get enough sleep on a regular basis either. He doesn't get to see his daughter or me much right now (we don't live together and I have a regular work schedule). He has also mentioned that he has a hard time falling asleep when I am not there. So on one hand I can understand why he is not performing to his usual standard. The questions I have are. Has anyone experienced a similar situation and the sudden premature ejaculation reversed itself after the stressful period has come to an end (hopefully he will be done with his night shift in the next few weeks)? What can I do to ease his mind and not turn it into a larger issue than it already is? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Certainly this can be due to the stresses you have outlined and may only be temporary. There really is no reason for you to be left unsatisfied. How long is his refractory period. Is it possible for him to get hard again in 15 minutes. He would likely be able to satisfy you then by lasting longer. He is much less likely to have premature ejaculation the second time around. If his refractory period is long and he cannot get hard again in a timely manner, he should be able to pleasure you and bring you to orgasm. Does he go down on you? A good session of oral sex should be able to easily get you off. If not, perhaps he could manually bring you to orgasm. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Sometimes the mind can control these things.. if the control used to be there then it might mean he just is choosing to go faster.. with his mind. If he doesn't masturbate and you guys don't have sex for a week that could lead to his quick trigger. Maybe wear a condom.. other than that he would have to see a DR to rule out any other issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CD111 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 thank you for the responses! mitchell- As far as going down on me. It is something that he did on a regular basis; however, since his premature ejaculation started it has become minimal. We actually haven't tried having sex again after he ejaculates since this has started. He says that he can't get an erection like he used to. This was also never a issue before, we would have sex 3 times a night sometimes. sadintexas- he knows I am unsatisfied (because he has said so and feels unsatified himself). So far I really think that he would like to perform better and don't think that he is uninterested (at least there is that). He make an effort to spend time with he, enjoys holding hand and loves to cuddle. I haven't actually said "this ejaculating in 1 min and leaving me to take care of myself is not working for me at all" but it's getting to the point where i am going to have to say something and am worried that it will make the whole thing worse. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 As with many relationship issues, communication is the key. If you two don't talk about this problem, it will become the white elephant in the room. How old is he? Has he tried masturbating a few hours before sex with you? Perhaps a BJ an hour before you try intercourse might help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CD111 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I forgot to write that we are both 31. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CD111 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 The foreplay...I hate to say it but since this whole issue started it hasn't been that great. So far I have been chalking it all up to work schedules and life ( his father has been battling cancer for the last 2 yrs). I really hope that this is not who he is because that is definitely not what the first 5 months were like...UGH. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 mitchell- As far as going down on me. It is something that he did on a regular basis; however, since his premature ejaculation started it has become minimal. We actually haven't tried having sex again after he ejaculates since this has started. He says that he can't get an erection like he used to. This was also never a issue before, we would have sex 3 times a night sometimes.. If he can not get erections like he used to, he may be worried about losing his erection during sex--as if he is in a race to have an orgasm before he loses his erection. The underlying question may be--why are his erections suddenly inadequate? Also--why is he not pleasuring you, regardless of erection? (hands, mouth, toys....even just touching you and staying engaged while you finish yourself....) Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 thank you for the responses! mitchell- As far as going down on me. It is something that he did on a regular basis; however, since his premature ejaculation started it has become minimal. We actually haven't tried having sex again after he ejaculates since this has started. He says that he can't get an erection like he used to. This was also never a issue before, we would have sex 3 times a night sometimes. sadintexas- he knows I am unsatisfied (because he has said so and feels unsatified himself). So far I really think that he would like to perform better and don't think that he is uninterested (at least there is that). He make an effort to spend time with he, enjoys holding hand and loves to cuddle. I haven't actually said "this ejaculating in 1 min and leaving me to take care of myself is not working for me at all" but it's getting to the point where i am going to have to say something and am worried that it will make the whole thing worse. If he can not get erections like he used to, he may be worried about losing his erection during sex--as if he is in a race to have an orgasm before he loses his erection. The underlying question may be--why are his erections suddenly inadequate? Also--why is he not pleasuring you, regardless of erection? (hands, mouth, toys....even just touching you and staying engaged while you finish yourself....) Agreed. This is starting to sound more like a selfish, lazy lover than someone with just ejaculation issues. Communicate!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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