Steve11 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I still feel like its all my fault & i pushed her away. I thought i was getting better, but i've started dreaming about her, waking up thinking about her. This isn't right. Im usually stronger than this. Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I can really relate to those feelings. I blame myself constantly for my break up. And every night I have vivid dreams about my ex and wake up in a panic. Knowing I lost my best and only friend and lover and all because my insecurities pushed him away. I make some progress in the evening and at night most days, but as soon as I wake up in the morning, the clock is reset back to the time of the break up (like Groundhog Day) and the whole horrible experience starts over again. Its like torture!! Absolute torture. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I know. It sucks pretty hard. I just can't do enough to keep busy. If i'm in the gym, i think about her. If i go swimming, i think about her. I think i'm hurting again because i'm finally coming to terms with the face she's not going to contact me. Link to post Share on other sites
2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Steve11 How long have you been broken up? I do still blame myself and the reason you do that is probably because your ex never gave you a valid reason for the BU; she (my ex) hated confrontation and so made up all these BS reasons and never even had the heart to say look it's over but just decided to drift away from me, that really annoyed me and I ended up with a guilt trip for the last 6 months. Sure I did some daft things but she acted like it was all my fault and she was miss blameless, I know I wasn't perfect and I know she wasn't either but does she know she did play a part in the BU? It takes two to tango. 2011 Link to post Share on other sites
california15 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 1. Stop blaming yourself. 2. You're still getting better. Dreaming about her doesn't mean you're not healing. I think dreams are our way of processing the break up. I have had dreams every single night for the past 3 weeks, but I don't see that as a hinderance. Yeah they suck a** , but I can't really do anything about them, and I won't let them drag me down [i did an update on the breaking up forum... "the its over call" one]. 3. Don't let the dreams get to you - they will come - we've all had them. From what others have told me, they'll get better and eventually stop. I posted about this on the breakup forum about my dreams a while ago. Basically when I go to bed I know i'll probably have a dream, that its my subconscious trying to process the break up too, and that it's just a dream. 4. Baby steps - give yourself credit for getting out of the house and trying to stay busy. Just getting up and getting out is half the battle, so congrats my friend for taking an active part in your coping process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Steve11 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Thanks for the replys. It helps, bigtime. It's the times when i'm alone when i think about her. She was gorgeous. I'm an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassygirl2 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Steve, Just because she was gorgeous is not a reason to say you screwed up. Obviously something was wrong in your relationship or you two wouldn't have broken up. There are reasons for the way you or she acted in the relationship and those reasons will sometimes manifest themselves into fights about "other" things. Does that make sense? I know in my last R, I started fights about all kinds of crap and the problem was that I wasn't happy. I wasn't getting the love and attention I needed from him so instead of properly saying something, I started to resent him. It's been 9 weeks for me since he dumped me without a conversation or anything. It's been really, really hard. Like you, I just want the dreams and thoughts to go away. I get better with each passing day but I think we have to go through this process so that we can heal and think about what we need to do for ourselves to make our life better! I know I have a lot to work on and it's not going to happen in a month or two. This was a wake up call for me and I am thankful it happened. You will stop having the dreams. Are you reading any books to help you cope with the loss? Books have helped me a lot. I can recommend some if you like. Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I still feel like its all my fault & i pushed her away. Its been months now but I still can't forgive myself for pushing my ex bf away. And I feel so lost without him Link to post Share on other sites
cjo1978 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 im in the same boat. i pushed my girlfiend away and she finished it. gutted!! 18 yrs of attraction destroyed in a 12 month relationship. looks likw i hit the destruct button with this one!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
replicator Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I know how you feel. Even though at the end, she really did me wrong, I still blame myself for letting it get to that point. I missed all the signs. I wasn't there for her. I lost the thing that mattered to me most. What I have now, I wanted to share with her.. Now it feels meaningless. I am a strong person, and I don't usually linger on things. I almost resent the girls I meet now because they think they can be something more than she was to me. I always thought I'd live without any regrets, but now there is one thing I wish I could have changed. Link to post Share on other sites
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