Am I too sensitive?

[nch713]

my girlfriend works extremely long hours, does not get paid enough, and is not using her college degree (but we are paying for her student loans)

 

everyone at her company is nice, and treats her well. the CEO's cousin comes by to "hang out". my gf, being the nice girl that she is, doesn't want to be rude, or disrespectful (to anyone except for me). so when the CEO's cousin comes by, her office is in the lobby, so he hangs out, and chats her up.

 

i know he has a crush on her, all of her coworkers knows he has a crush on her, even she admits that she thinks he has a crush on her.

 

last time the CEO had a company party at his house, he invited us, and we went. the CEO's cousin was there, and he made it a point to introduce himself to me, like i need to know who he is? i know i am extremely sensitive, my gf tells me all the time. but i really don't see any point to that. we were separate for a few minutes, she went inside to throw something away and wash her hands, he pounced, followed her inside, and chatted her up again. i waited 10 minutes for her to finish washing her hands, walked inside, and found her standing at the sink with the water running, talking to him.

 

i hope she doesn't flirt back - but continuing a conversation with an irrelevant, unimportant person is pointless (in my opinion).

 

i know that probably nothing physical will happen, but she tells me that he comes by a few times a week to "hang out" and "chat". i don't know if she goes out to lunch with him, emails/chats with him etc.

 

our relationship has suffered because of her job. they overwork her, and underpay her. she complains to me that she is too busy, instead of her boss. she doesnt have time to take a lunch break. she used to take a lunch break, call me to say hi, text me when she misses me... but now, her policy is "don't call me at work, i'm too busy."

 

 

am i being too sensitive? i feel it is disrespectful to give someone attention that you know has a crush on you, if you are in a relationship.

 

i'm not insecure in the fact that i'm jealous, or worried about her leaving me for him. i just feel that it is disrespectful.

 

her boss invited her for a july 4th party. i don't really want to go. last time i wanted to punch the guy in the face.

 

what do i do?

even if its important, i feel like i can't call her. she won't pick up the phone.

[Chi townD]

You need to have a heart to heart with her. It DEFINETLY sounds like this "cousin" is a predator. That you have concerns about him. And you need to tell her that your relationship is in serious trouble and you two need to fix it. Or else the relationship is over. She needs a wake up call or she's gonna lose you.

[PegNosePete]

i hope she doesn't flirt back - but continuing a conversation with an irrelevant, unimportant person is pointless (in my opinion).

Continuing a conversation with someone who is flirting with you, is just as bad as flirting back. She is justifying his actions and inviting him to continue his inappropriate conversation.

 

i feel it is disrespectful to give someone attention that you know has a crush on you, if you are in a relationship.

Yep, hit the nail on the head dude.

 

i waited 10 minutes for her to finish washing her hands, walked inside, and found her standing at the sink with the water running, talking to him.

WTF dude? She was talking in private with another guy while at a party with you? She obviously did not want her conversation to be overheard, that is why the tap was running. WTF DUDE??? No you are certainly not being paranoid or over-sensitive!

 

I think you need to let her know that she is totally disrespecting you and your relationship by continuing a "friendship" (lets give her the benefit of the doubt for now eh?) with this guy. If her boss has a problem with them not being friends then she can speak to HR about it, personal relations have no place in the workplace.

[osoda]

Probably both.

But in my opinion, your relationship is in bad shape. The truth is that if your girlfriend valued you (and your relationship) she'd make some effort to tamp down this guy's advances. That doesn't mean blowing him off since he's related to her boss. But it does mean assuaging your concerns. Going from calling you at lunch to 'don't call me at all' isn't the way to do that. Especially not when apparently EVERYBODY knows this guy is crushing hard on your girlfriend and putting the moves on her - even right in front of you.

 

What do you do? You take some time to decide what your boundaries are. Then you tell her once and only once what those boundaries are. You do it calmly and without hesitation so that she's crystal clear on what your expectations are. Then after that, you never bring it up again. And based on her actions after that, you decide if you want to continue in this relationship or not.

[Thehusband2]

now now lets calm down and take a step back!!!

 

First your gf is NICE, she also works with these people and doesn't want to ruin a work relationship afterall working in a bitter environment sucks. what is he talking to her about? work gossip, current events or inappropriate stuff like how hot she is or what sex positions he likes??? There is a big difference!!!

 

Ok, so he probably likes her ... big deal UNLESS she facilitates furthering this which doesn't sound like it... Talking to her at the sink makes it difficult for a polite person to just turn around and leave...and I don't think its disrespectful to you, in fact she feels like out of all people that you would be ok to wait a second ... she is comfortable with you, thats a good sign

 

The guy: A DORK for sure!!! He knows you are together but is trying right? Show him up! Attend all functions, be the alpha male, be SECURE in your relationship...he steps out of bounds in front of you...you put him into place

 

Finally, talk to your gf about your feelings...but dont accuse her...from the sounds of it she is just nice and polite!!

 

also she's overworked and underpaid...very common she's trying to gain valuable work experience which often at the beginning of a career or during your first REAL job after college comes at the expense of working long hours with inadequate pay...she's trying here and sounds to me like a real catch!!!

 

my 2 cents

[osoda]

I'd disagree, with respect. That's a slippery slope to go down, using the job as some sort of justification for being obligated to satisfy a coworker's advances and flirtations. If she knows this guy is gunning for her, (and apparently everyone else does as well) and she knows you know it, and you have a problem with it - it's called a relationship, it takes effort from both sides to make it work. These types of situations always fail the 'shoe on the other foot' test. I'm pretty sure if a girl at your job was coming on to you hard and the roles were reversed, and your girlfriend wasn't keen on it yet you did nothing to assure her, and worse, went from talking during lunch breaks to 'just don't call me at work, i'm so busy, and oh, this girl is always coming over to hang out with me'...I mean, c'mon, your girlfriend doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to put two and two together.

 

I'm not saying you need to declare an ultimatum, but you do need to grow a spine and tell your girlfriend where you stand on this (firmly) and then actually do something about it. What you don't want to do is whine on and on about it because you just come off as weak and needy. Stand up for yourself, put some value on your half of the relationship.