lost

[wut2do]

Last year @this time I met a man through some mutual friends. We had this connection that I have never felt before. He did tell me that evening that he was married, so of course I backed off. At the time I was also in a relationship that wasn't going so well, not due to this o/m..due to problems that were not getting better. During this time my friends always wanted me to meet this o/m out w/ them because he would ask for me, I didn't not go. Once I finally broke it off with my ex back in last October I ended up hanging out with this married man and we have been seeing other ever since.

When we are with each other it just seems so right, and I know that I don't come close to how he feels about his wife, but i also know that he isn't happy obviously. They have 2 children together, just has the 2nd one this month. He tells me what he is doing has nothing to do with me, and I thought I could keep my emotions out of it, but I can't deny that I am falling for this man.

I know what people are going to tell me, to leave him alone, but I don't want to and he doesn't want me too.

He is giving the marriage another try to see if things get better before she goes back to work from her maternity leave. I respect that, and I am not one to tell him to leave his wife, I am one who tells it like it is, to stand up and if he wants it to work to stop messing around.

I admitted my feelings for him, cuz this whole "tough guy" act is not working for me anymore.

I just feel lost. And deep down inside I know what I have to do, I just don't know how to do it, at this time in my life he is filling a void that I much need to be filled.

Feedback please.

Anyone who is in the same boat would help me out alot. This is my first time going through this, and I never thought for a second that I would have fallen for a married man.

[BB07]

The first thing that sticks out to me about your post is that he "says" that he is giving the marriage a try while at the same time seeing you. Do you not see the contradiction in that? Two relationships at one time, means all three aren't getting but bits and pieces. There is something very, very wrong with someone who can tell you that with a straight face, they are obviously deluding themselves and if you are believing it, then you are deluding yourself.

 

So you were seeing this man while his wife was pregnant and she has a new baby now?

 

Also you are speaking out of both sides of your mouth, on one hand you are telling us that you want him to work on his marriage, but on the other hand you are saying you can't give him up. Also.........your post also indicates that you are letting him have the power and control and he is calling all the shots subtle or not, you are handing it over to him. That my dear is NEVER a good thing as I've learned the hard way. Being too nice will never get you a man who is playing two women at the same time.

 

We all have voids but it's so dangerous to try to fill them with a man who is bad for us and who hurts us. This will only cause you greater pain down the line, and again I speak from experience.

 

Also.......You have to OWN that you did allow yourself to get involved with a mm......you might not have planned it, plotted it, but you ALLOWED it or else you would not be here now.

 

Please consider that this will only bring you more pain down the road and that the hole in you will not be filled by this man, he will only bring you down.

 

Hugs........

[waytogo]

Last year @this time I met a man through some mutual friends. We had this connection that I have never felt before. He did tell me that evening that he was married, so of course I backed off. At the time I was also in a relationship that wasn't going so well, not due to this o/m..due to problems that were not getting better. During this time my friends always wanted me to meet this o/m out w/ them because he would ask for me, I didn't not go. Once I finally broke it off with my ex back in last October I ended up hanging out with this married man and we have been seeing other ever since.

When we are with each other it just seems so right, and I know that I don't come close to how he feels about his wife, but i also know that he isn't happy obviously. They have 2 children together, just has the 2nd one this month. He tells me what he is doing has nothing to do with me, and I thought I could keep my emotions out of it, but I can't deny that I am falling for this man.

I know what people are going to tell me, to leave him alone, but I don't want to and he doesn't want me too.

He is giving the marriage another try to see if things get better before she goes back to work from her maternity leave. I respect that, and I am not one to tell him to leave his wife, I am one who tells it like it is, to stand up and if he wants it to work to stop messing around.

I admitted my feelings for him, cuz this whole "tough guy" act is not working for me anymore.

I just feel lost. And deep down inside I know what I have to do, I just don't know how to do it, at this time in my life he is filling a void that I much need to be filled.

Feedback please.

Anyone who is in the same boat would help me out alot. This is my first time going through this, and I never thought for a second that I would have fallen for a married man.

 

There are parts of your story I'm having a hard time following. You said he was asking for you before you even met him? Was this guy actively seeking an A and your 'friends' wanted you to meet him? Why would friends want you to hit it off with a MM?

 

Is he in contact with you while he is working on the M?

 

If you wouldn't mind answering the above, it would help me understand your situation better.

[wut2do]

the only reason why my friends try to hook us up or get us to hang out is because he was constantely asking about me, and before I was introduced to him officially they have known of the issues him and his W were having....yes he is still persuing me while trying to work on his M.....not everyday, but he will keep in touch.

 

to answer the other questions, yes i was seeing him while his W was pregnant.

[waytogo]

the only reason why my friends try to hook us up or get us to hang out is because he was constantely asking about me, and before I was introduced to him officially they have known of the issues him and his W were having....yes he is still persuing me while trying to work on his M.....not everyday, but he will keep in touch.

 

to answer the other questions, yes i was seeing him while his W was pregnant.

 

Sweetie, please think about this. He was asking for an unkown person b4 you ever met him. He was ready to present near anything to about anyone who'd sit in his W's backseat.

 

Your friends were not being kind to you when they encouraged you to sit in anyone's backseat. Did they not think of you as worthy for a single person with a space in his life for you?

 

Really think about these 'friends'. What do they have going on in their lives? It seems they thrive on being near drama. Why would they offer you up as a posession to give a MM who wants to cheat? There is something very wrong with that. I'm guessing there is a lack of fullfilling R's among these 'friends' who encouraged this situation for you.

[awkward]

to answer the other questions, yes i was seeing him while his W was pregnant.

 

As a pregnant woman, I think this would put me over the edge. Imagine the level of brokenness it would take for a man to do this to his wife. Even if you put STD's aside and pretend he didn't endanger his unborn child, it is just cruel.

 

I noticed how you didn't start seeing him until you broke up with your ex. Why didn't he extend you the same courtesy? I hope you figure out soon who exactly he is and move on.

 

Did I misunderstand you or did your friends really encourage you to get involved with an expectant father? Yuck, yuck, yuck!

[bentnotbroken]

As a pregnant woman, I think this would put me over the edge. Imagine the level of brokenness it would take for a man to do this to his wife. Even if you put STD's aside and pretend he didn't endanger his unborn child, it is just cruel.

 

I noticed how you didn't start seeing him until you broke up with your ex. Why didn't he extend you the same courtesy? I hope you figure out soon who exactly he is and move on.

 

Did I misunderstand you or did your friends really encourage you to get involved with an expectant father? Yuck, yuck, yuck!

 

 

She needs new friends. Who would encourage a friend to move into a position to be hurt and to hurt someone else?

[fooled once]

The first thing that sticks out to me about your post is that he "says" that he is giving the marriage a try while at the same time seeing you. Do you not see the contradiction in that? Two relationships at one time, means all three aren't getting but bits and pieces. There is something very, very wrong with someone who can tell you that with a straight face, they are obviously deluding themselves and if you are believing it, then you are deluding yourself.

 

So you were seeing this man while his wife was pregnant and she has a new baby now?

 

Also you are speaking out of both sides of your mouth, on one hand you are telling us that you want him to work on his marriage, but on the other hand you are saying you can't give him up. Also.........your post also indicates that you are letting him have the power and control and he is calling all the shots subtle or not, you are handing it over to him. That my dear is NEVER a good thing as I've learned the hard way. Being too nice will never get you a man who is playing two women at the same time.

 

We all have voids but it's so dangerous to try to fill them with a man who is bad for us and who hurts us. This will only cause you greater pain down the line, and again I speak from experience.

 

Also.......You have to OWN that you did allow yourself to get involved with a mm......you might not have planned it, plotted it, but you ALLOWED it or else you would not be here now.

 

Please consider that this will only bring you more pain down the road and that the hole in you will not be filled by this man, he will only bring you down.

 

Hugs........

 

Great post BB!

 

Many cheaters are unfaithful when the wife gets pregnant and after wards has to deal with the babies. These men are selfish immature and needy.

 

They want the attention that the mother is giving to the babies. Furthermore, they find the physical changes of pregnancy unattractive. In summary, this guy is basically a monster with no redeeming value and I cannot understand why the OP thinks he is a great guy.

 

I suspect the OP is as needy as the MM, ha, ha.

 

Yep - many men are incredibly selfish and self centered. Many also expect a pregnant woman to put aside her discomfort to satisfy his needs

 

Sweetie, please think about this. He was asking for an unkown person b4 you ever met him. He was ready to present near anything to about anyone who'd sit in his W's backseat.

 

Your friends were not being kind to you when they encouraged you to sit in anyone's backseat. Did they not think of you as worthy for a single person with a space in his life for you?

 

Really think about these 'friends'. What do they have going on in their lives? It seems they thrive on being near drama. Why would they offer you up as a posession to give a MM who wants to cheat? There is something very wrong with that. I'm guessing there is a lack of fullfilling R's among these 'friends' who encouraged this situation for you.

 

Not very good friends IMHO.

 

His poor wife. Here she is, pregnant with HIS child and he is off screwing someone else. He is off with his mistress while she tends to his newborn and her other child. Real nice guy:rolleyes:

[whichwayisup]

This man is NOT going to leave his wife and 2 young children, let alone a newborn.

 

If he leaves and gets a divorce it'll be because his wife kicks him out on his ass and he'll be yours by default, not by 'choice'.

 

Let's say you do end up with him, at some point in time those two young ones will be your step children. ARE YOU prepared for that? And have to deal with his (ex)wife at times?

 

This whole situation is quite hurtful and sad, I feel for his wife, and their kids.

 

I don't get it, you avoided him for so long and then after you and your partner broke up, you allowed an A to happen. WHY???????????? Even more so knowing full well the guy was married and his wife was pregnant?

 

When this blows up, and it will - Just a matter of time - Don't put all the blame on him..You chose this willingly! And, so WHAT if he and his wife had issues. Tell me what couple doesn't??????? And, if things were that bad, why would they have a newborn?

 

Something is off and this guy is using you...You will get hurt badly, again, it's just a matter of time.

[wut2do]

Thank you for all of your feedback, even though I already knew exactly what I was going to be reading. I know this is wrong, and I am selling myself short if I continue on with this. I am a single women, and I have no reason to fall for someone who is unavailable in every way possible. He needs to figure this out on his own, and the only thing I can do is step away, and remain strong on my decision. I thought long and hard about this, and you guys are right regarding my friends....if they truely were my friends, they would not have tried to get us to be together. I am taking a mini-vaca from all of them to clear my mind.

I do feel for his wife and children and I would never want to find myself in this situation, never mind if I were to actually end up with this man would I actually be able to trust him?

I have thought long and hard about this for quite sometime, and I have always known what I had to do, doing it is the hard part...but I can no longer waste my time.

 

Today is a new day, and I will no longer sell myself short!!

[waytogo]

Thank you for all of your feedback, even though I already knew exactly what I was going to be reading. I know this is wrong, and I am selling myself short if I continue on with this. I am a single women, and I have no reason to fall for someone who is unavailable in every way possible. He needs to figure this out on his own, and the only thing I can do is step away, and remain strong on my decision. I thought long and hard about this, and you guys are right regarding my friends....if they truely were my friends, they would not have tried to get us to be together. I am taking a mini-vaca from all of them to clear my mind.

I do feel for his wife and children and I would never want to find myself in this situation, never mind if I were to actually end up with this man would I actually be able to trust him?

I have thought long and hard about this for quite sometime, and I have always known what I had to do, doing it is the hard part...but I can no longer waste my time.

 

Today is a new day, and I will no longer sell myself short!!

 

I meant to tell you b4 this got to the 2nd page how great you sound.

You are taking on evaluating the MM and your friends at the same time. That's alot to take on at once. GOOD FOR YOU!

 

Be well dear.

[Karmababe]

Here for you .. been there done that ..

[fooled once]

Thank you for all of your feedback, even though I already knew exactly what I was going to be reading. I know this is wrong, and I am selling myself short if I continue on with this. I am a single women, and I have no reason to fall for someone who is unavailable in every way possible. He needs to figure this out on his own, and the only thing I can do is step away, and remain strong on my decision. I thought long and hard about this, and you guys are right regarding my friends....if they truely were my friends, they would not have tried to get us to be together. I am taking a mini-vaca from all of them to clear my mind.

I do feel for his wife and children and I would never want to find myself in this situation, never mind if I were to actually end up with this man would I actually be able to trust him?

I have thought long and hard about this for quite sometime, and I have always known what I had to do, doing it is the hard part...but I can no longer waste my time.

 

Today is a new day, and I will no longer sell myself short!!

 

GOOD for you.

 

How are you doing?

[wut2do]

it's harder then expected but i am doing just fine. he is definitely contacting me more, and wants to see me, i haven't sat him down face to face yet, to actually discuss my decision, i am waiting until i feel a bit stronger to do so so the temptation isn't there. i have told him that i have been taking on alot more with work etc....

[wut2do]

There are parts of your story I'm having a hard time following. You said he was asking for you before you even met him? Was this guy actively seeking an A and your 'friends' wanted you to meet him? Why would friends want you to hit it off with a MM?

 

Is he in contact with you while he is working on the M?

 

If you wouldn't mind answering the above, it would help me understand your situation better.

 

To answer your question, which I apologize for not doing so sooner, yes he is contact me while he was working on the marriage, and just so you understand, I wasn't the first A he has had.