what does he want

[Laurabell]

I've been seeing a guy for about a month and I really feel like he's the first guy I've really thought about a serious relationship with in a while. He's the same age as me and has a 2 yr old boy and the ex-girlfriend from hell. He doesn't talk alot but he has told me he thought he was in love with me and he didn't want to scare me off because I have to deal with him talking to her. She calls every day and it drives me nuts, I'm ok if it's about their son, but usually it's not. He called her today and didn't call me and I'm hurt. I confronted him about it and he hung up on me, what should I think? How can I save our relationship?

[Tony T]

Hanging up on someone, as long as you were discussing the matter kindly and civily, is the rudest thing anyone can do. I would drop him for that reason alone. Hanging up on someone shows inconsideration and enormous disrespect.

 

Continuing to have a friendship with an ex, particularly one who is the mother of his son, is pretty normal. However, this is something he should have discussed with you in detail. If he told you he had nothing to do with her except as it relates to their son and he, in fact, has much more involvement with her, he obviously lied to you and you should terminate the relationship.

 

You did not say how long they have been apart but it sounds like they have many issues to resolve and much closure to handle...and you obviously popped into his life at the wrong time. He cannot enter into a quality relationship with another person while he is still finalizing a break up with his ex...the mother of his child. He is either being badly manipulated by his ex...or he may be having some thoughts of returning to her. The bond created by having a child together is a very strong one.

 

The guy may not be so rude but people do rude and nasty things under stress. People who are heartbroken or lonely may tell you they love you very soon after meeting you because they are hurting and need someone to get them through their troubled times. You don't need to play that roll.

 

You desire to save a relationship but you really don't have one. If he hangs up on you because you simply want the truth about his relationship with his ex, if his ex is calling every single day, even on days whe she has custody of the child, you have got a big problem here.

 

Find somebody who is completely OUT of a relationship and who doesn't have an ex who drives you crazy. There are enough situations in life to drive you nuts without asking for them.

[Deejette]

I agree with Tony, it is very rude to hand up on someone. And if he is doing that to you at this early stage of the relationship, how will he treat you later, when the newness and the desire to impress each other wears off?

 

I am going through something similar but with a man who left his abusive wife and is going through a divorce. As Tony says, "He cannot enter into a quality relationship with another person while he is still finalizing a break up

 

with his ex...the mother of his child." Even though this guy I am involved with hates his ex, he is so involved with his kids, that I take a backseat to all the stuff going on in his life. He also told me very early on that he loved me. But it is not really a quality relationship. I see him whenver he gets the chance and he really is not "there for me."

 

If I needed someone to be there for me, I would have to drop him. If you need someone who will be dedicated to you and not to all his baggage, then you should drop him and look for someone who is freer to be with you and only you!

 

Hanging up on someone, as long as you were discussing the matter kindly and civily, is the rudest thing anyone can do. I would drop him for that reason alone. Hanging up on someone shows inconsideration and enormous disrespect. Continuing to have a friendship with an ex, particularly one who is the mother of his son, is pretty normal. However, this is something he should have discussed with you in detail. If he told you he had nothing to do with her except as it relates to their son and he, in fact, has much more involvement with her, he obviously lied to you and you should terminate the relationship.

 

You did not say how long they have been apart but it sounds like they have many issues to resolve and much closure to handle...and you obviously popped into his life at the wrong time. He cannot enter into a quality relationship with another person while he is still finalizing a break up with his ex...the mother of his child. He is either being badly manipulated by his ex...or he may be having some thoughts of returning to her. The bond created by having a child together is a very strong one. The guy may not be so rude but people do rude and nasty things under stress. People who are heartbroken or lonely may tell you they love you very soon after meeting you because they are hurting and need someone to get them through their troubled times. You don't need to play that roll.

 

You desire to save a relationship but you really don't have one. If he hangs up on you because you simply want the truth about his relationship with his ex, if his ex is calling every single day, even on days whe she has custody of the child, you have got a big problem here. Find somebody who is completely OUT of a relationship and who doesn't have an ex who drives you crazy. There are enough situations in life to drive you nuts without asking for them.