sleepykitten Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Hi, this forum has been a god send to me, my b/f ended it during a row just saying "this is over", he'd been complacent and different for the past 8 months and said he didnt know why, he still loved me, wanted it to work but knew he'd been acting badly and it wasnt right. I had in my mind wanted out for a while as was unhappy and just felt so insecure as in the beginning he was totally lovely and made me feel like this was it, felt loved, happy, all that movie love stuff, a year of that then slowly it changed. I carried on giving-alot, maybe too much, he was full of "i dont know whay ive changed, but i need to find out etc etc" he kspt saying he didnt want it to end then.... We did see each other twice after that, both times i clung on to the hope he would realise he had made a mistake, he kept saying he missed me, loved me, how hard it was without me. But a phone call, and e mail from him the following week saying it was hard but it was the right thing to do, of course this sent me into a panic as we had spent the night together a few days before and i thought it would be ok in the end. More fool me really, then of course i called, in tears after he text saying he loved and missed me but it was different now had been for a while. The problem was i had no idea what had happened, i knew why i was unhappy as he was acting so differently to the guy i fell in love with and was feeling like a mug. I had expensive tickets to a concert i had bought for his bday in july, i text and said a month no contact, he emailed the next day saying does this mean we wont be going to the concert, ending it with youre my baby and you always will be. Que another call to him from me-making me feel like **** "no i dont want you...at the moment" etc etc. the next day i mailed, saying i couldnt take him to the concert (god i felt so so guilty), knew that these issues i have with letting go are from my past and deep rooted fears of abandonment etc, and i needed to let him go now, was a nice mail, no blame etc, said i cant continue to ask what happened or why you changed i just know i need to stop being so sad about it and move on. and then asked for no contact for the forseeable future. But it is so hard, i almost caved on Monday, a mere 3 days, but then i found this. I feel compleatly drained, tired, down, tearful, cant eat, at least am losing weight (silver lining) keep second guessing myself, its a constant stream of what ifs in my head. i am exhausted. Please someone tell me it gets better??? Did I do the right thing? Link to post Share on other sites
yulaw911 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I was in the same situation as you just three weeks ago. My ex was laying in my arms in her bed and the next week she broke up with me after 3 years! I havent talked to her in 3 weeks and i just found out she is seeing another person so you can imagine how i feel. I didn't think i could feel better but in a strange way i feel ok and you will too i PROMISE. Honestly, in my opinion your bf seems very immature in what he wants. Telling you he loves you yet doesn't want to be with you shows his emotional maturity level. The BEST thing to do is stop contacting him at all. This is way easier said than done. I remember reading on here about how everyone says NO CONTACT and all that but its hard to do when youve been talking to this person for years and now your just supposed to pretend they dont exist? The first week is the hardest week believe me but after that it gets better i promise. You did the RIGHT and mature thing by walking away and asking for no contact. Hang in there your not going through this alone. Heres my thread if it makes you feel any better: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t283513/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author sleepykitten Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Thank you yulaw911, especially good to get a guys version on this, and my first ever post/reply. I cant say how much its helped just reading something from someone as i felt so alone, my friends are great but they all have their relationships etc and its hard to understand unless youre going through this. Youre right in that my b/f seems immature, the more I think (and boy have i thought...) he's 36 has lived back with his parents for 3 yrs, we were together for 2, he earns enough to move out and buy his own place, his mum does all his washing and ironing, strips his bed, washes irons and re makes it-and its a single! He does adore her, i watched then walking in fromt of me once holding hands-i'm all for a guy getting along with his mum but...is this too much, i didnt have a great relationship with mine so just thought my feelings on it were because of my stuff. either way, he's gone now, and tonight its better, i even cooked-first meal in weeks! I hope i wake up tomorrow and feel ok too, most mornings are hideous and its all i can do to put one foot in front of the other. I just feel like my confidence has been battered, how can someone tell you youre their "one" and then just change and not have any explanation, yet still say I love you, i never stopped loving you. Its too much of a head fk. I miss having someone who knows me and someone to hold and all that stuff we all miss, i cant imagine meeting anyone who will come close to loving me how he did in those first 12 months. I guess the secret is to be happy on my own and deal with this fear and pain and understand why its so bad. I am going to read your link/story now. thank you so much for your reply. Link to post Share on other sites
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