joseph Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Hi all..My ex and I just broke it off after a 4yr relationship..and im happy with it..Im looking towards the future. At one point I was considering getting back with her..but something hit me..and now I dont feel that way. But still don't particularly enjoy seeing her; not that im mad, it just brings back good and bad memories..and then I feel emotionally mixed up. We were at university together , and when we broke up she took most of her stuff and went to live with a couple of friends...Im moving back home on april 22nd..but lately shes been calling me alot to borrow my car and stuff Its really annoying, and Ive been just avoiding her at all costs..cause I know how it makes me feel when I see her. So I havent seen her in a little bit, and i feel great..and im able to concentrate on my finals.. She called today, and left a message saying that she wants to pick some stuff up here at the place..but that she might need a ride to do it..im thinking..its not up to me to give her rides..were not together anymore..and shes moving the rest of her stuff at the end of april...do you think i should just avoid her until I leave on the 22nd of april...im sure she can wait..cause I really dont want to see her.. Id appreciate any advice..thx alot Link to post Share on other sites
Crazybanana Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 From the number of times you said you don't want to see her, it sounds like you want to see her. Who broke off the relationship and why. It seems as though she may still want to see you but thats something that can never be determined. I'm in the same situation but im the one that wants to see her. I try to avoid as much as possible but I'm still kind of wondering if theres a chance.If you are totally over her and have no feelings for her, then yes go back home and don't help her out. But if you have feelings and are just "angry" about the whole situation, then maybe help her out. Either way you could be putting yourself in the wrong situation. Figure out for yourself if you are really 100% happy. Don't force anything. I don't know if I'm anywhere close to helping, but thats just my own personal opinion. Jeremy Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 It's not your responsibility to give her rides, and she shouldn't be asking to borrow your car! I would ask her to stop calling as you need time to regroup. I just told my ex (who I'm still living with as he travels a lot for work and it's only been two weeks) a week ago to stop calling. Now we're just talking to finalize the details of his moving out. Tell her that that is what you want... for her to call to organize a (as in one) time to come over (in someone else's car) to pick up her stuff and that's it. It's been a lot easier to deal with with him not calling. Or you're right, this could drag on and on. It is never good at the end. Especially when one of you is trying to move on and the other is "stuck." Link to post Share on other sites
Author joseph Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Hi again..She just called my cell, and keeps calling my home phone..its like shes stalking me now..I dont see what she could possibly need here..she already picked up all of her things..and she called me before and asked me to dropped of some items..so I did.. but Im not gonna be dropping off thing by thing everytime she pleases.. Like i said in the previous post..shes going to be getting all her stuff at the end of the month...and im gone on the 22nd..so she had free access to the place once im gone..and all my stuff will be gone.. Im thinking she might just pop bye cause im not answering my phone.. and I just want to hang on for these next few days..cause I have serious exams 3 days straight, and im doing good..but if I see her, itll throw me off my game.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joseph Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 just an update..she wouldnt stop calling..and leaving messages..so I finally picked up the phone...so she wanted me to go pick her up so she could get some of her things...and I refused..and suggested that she come when I wasnt around...and she took it the wrong way...I could tell by her voice that she way mad, and she didnt respect that I needed my space..seems like shes taking it as im an assh*le and I didnt want to pick her up. I felt like I should explain...but I didnt. I dont want to start any problems..but I also dont need to see her.. I felt as tho I should have explained that i didnt want ot see her for my own sanity..but for some reason I felt that was wrong also..was it?? let me know what you guys think?? thanks alot.. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Originally posted by joseph I felt as tho I should have explained that i didnt want ot see her for my own sanity.. Whoa -- wait a second -- for your own sanity? It sounds to me as if you really weren't OK with the breakup and that you could be nostalgic. I think that you may still have feelings for her. You two are broken up so you don't have to justify yourself to her. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Crazybanana Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 There must have been some kind of angry breakup or something for you to despise her this much. What exactly happened, so we can better assess the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author joseph Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 Well, we moved into together in another city to go to University after 3 yrs dating..it all happened so fast..but by the middle of the school year..I was deep into my studies, and neglecting the relationship..I dont know if its cause I wasnt interested in her or justdidnt care anymore.. It was my first time living with a girl..and to be honest, it was hell, we fought about all those stupid little things.. and after a while, I just wanted out..and ithink she felt the same way.. so then finally...one day..we had an arguement..and she said its not working out..and I said yeah, i feel the same way..ive been feeling the same way for a while... so she went to live with her friends And I was happy that it was over..not really hurting that bad..until I started thinking of the good times..and then I had a weak moment..and asked her if she wanted to try and talk (a week later) she would rather not, and I also came to my senses, that those "good times" were years ago..and that I need to move on..but I also dont really like to see her right now..I dont know why..Is that not normal?? I feel like I need my space and time to heal, is that too much to ask, thanks for your replies Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Hey Joseph... I don't think you are asking too much at all. It sounds like you really need some time part from her, but I think you have to be very clear with her the next tiem the two of you talk. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 I don't think that you should feel bad about wanting to not see or talk to the other person. I've told my ex that I didn't want to talk to him anymore because it was too hard. He at first was angry, and then realized that it was the right thing and better for him too in the long run. Oh, I did tell him why. Maybe you should tell her why you are doing this. Maybe there will be a point in the future where the two of you do talk again, but it's acceptable to want some time alone during the end of the relationship. She still has a key, doesn't she? Are you sure that you're comfortable with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author joseph Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 yeah..she does still have a key..also she has a set of my car keys Ive been so busy studying, that I forgot about that..but thanks for the reminder. Also, I dont plan on going out of my way to let her know why I dont want to see her..its not that hard to figure out I would think, if she cant figure that out, and assumes other things..thats her problem I guess.. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 You probably want to think about asking her for both sets of keys that she has; hopefully she will get the hint. This is a big step, are you ready? If she keeps calling, you may have to have the discussion with her whether or not you want to, unfortunately. I'm so sorry this is happening! I completely sympathize with your entire situation (I'm the one who did the break up though, but I don't want to talk)! I had to talk to my ex today to do some more finalizing of the details (car stuff, moving out). The crappy part is that he doesn't really have another place to stay and so I'm going to have to deal with him being here until he gets a new place. Ugh! Thank god he travels a lot for work (but that's going to make him staying here be longer, no?). I hope that your studying is going well! Good luck on your tests! I know that it's hard to stay focused on other stuff sometimes, but in the long run school or work are going to be the most important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joseph Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 Thanks Shamen It has been difficult to study lately..alot on my mind, its hard to focus. But my exams went pretty well..one more tommorow..nice! As for the keys, I will get them back before I go home for the summer..Im not sure how to go about that, Im going to have to be straight up about it I think, and just go over there and get them, thanks for all the help everyone Link to post Share on other sites
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