Trimmer Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Yea, I want her to feel comfortable around me. Then take our advice, and keep things at the same level you are at now: friendly classmates who talk to each other. You have some significant troubles interpreting messages from other people, and some significant problems with your thought processes. Those thought processes lead you to behaviors that make people uncomfortable, like the hockey usher, your teacher, and so on. I am not trying to be mean in bringing those up; I'm trying to show you that in your own experience, your thought processes lead to behaviors that make people uncomfortable. So far your behaviors have been reasonable, but your thought processes (like hoping she will change her mind) are about to lead you into behaviors that are likely to make her uncomfortable. You should probably get some professional help to try to work out your thought processes, but for now, we are trying to help you understand what behaviors are appropriate, if you don't want to make her uncomfortable. If you understand that, then try to understand that you should NOT ask her out, do NOT do anything further than you are doing right now - be a friendly classmate. Anything you do to push things further will PROBABLY make her uncomfortable around you. Do you think you can keep things where they are right now? Do you think you can stop yourself from doing those extra behaviors (like asking her out in different ways) that will probably make her uncomfortable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Then take our advice, and keep things at the same level you are at now: friendly classmates who talk to each other. You have some significant troubles interpreting messages from other people, and some significant problems with your thought processes. Those thought processes lead you to behaviors that make people uncomfortable, like the hockey usher, your teacher, and so on. I am not trying to be mean in bringing those up; I'm trying to show you that in your own experience, your thought processes lead to behaviors that make people uncomfortable. So far your behaviors have been reasonable, but your thought processes (like hoping she will change her mind) are about to lead you into behaviors that are likely to make her uncomfortable. You should probably get some professional help to try to work out your thought processes, but for now, we are trying to help you understand what behaviors are appropriate, if you don't want to make her uncomfortable. If you understand that, then try to understand that you should NOT ask her out, do NOT do anything further than you are doing right now - be a friendly classmate. Anything you do to push things further will PROBABLY make her uncomfortable around you. Do you think you can keep things where they are right now? Do you think you can stop yourself from doing those extra behaviors (like asking her out in different ways) that will probably make her uncomfortable? Yes. But I don't have a girlfriend and I want one bad, and she's really cute! I wish she would at least just hangout with me, at least give me a little something even if she wont date me, it's better than nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 False hope isn't much better than getting nothing in this situation. That's all you'd get here, anyway. Trimmer just made really solid points, and it seems like his post went in one eye and out the other based on your response. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 False hope isn't much better than getting nothing in this situation. That's all you'd get here, anyway. Trimmer just made really solid points, and it seems like his post went in one eye and out the other based on your response. Is it okay I still talk to her everyday like I do now? I mean it can't hurt my chances. Even if its only 10 percent. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 As in, continue to text her everyday? Are there no other women in your area that look good? Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 As in, continue to text her everyday? Are there no other women in your area that look good? Correct. Im only taking one summer class and she's the only decent looking one in there. In the fall Im going to a local, private university, 5 classes, 5 days a week so I should hopefully have a crap load of exposure to lots of girls. However I need something to hold me off until then. However though honestly I do like this girl though and I really want to get to know her better. Even though Ill be going to a university in the fall, I'd still prefer her because I like her personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Yes. But I don't have a girlfriend and I want one bad, and she's really cute! It's NOT about getting a girlfriend. It's about becoming the right boyfriend. Until you can change your heart and mind to that, you'll never get a girlfriend, much less be in a relationship longer than 2 months. I wish she would at least just hangout with me, at least give me a little something even if she wont date me, it's better than nothing. Read this out loud to yourself 3 times. Do you know how desperate and sad that statement screams? You need to develop your own life, your own dreams and goals. Ambitions. Not having to do with the opposite sex, or sex. Figure out who you are in this crazy world, work on YOU, and the right girl will come along at the right time. Until you do that, you will face situations like this over and over. And you don't really want that, do you? My final recommendation: find a copy of the book "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, and commit 40 days of your life to reading the 40 chapters, and answering the 40 questions. It could change your life for the better, forever. Pick up a copy ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Correct. Im only taking one summer class and she's the only decent looking one in there. In the fall Im going to a local, private university, 5 classes, 5 days a week so I should hopefully have a crap load of exposure to lots of girls. However I need something to hold me off until then. However though honestly I do like this girl though and I really want to get to know her better. Even though Ill be going to a university in the fall, I'd still prefer her because I like her personality. That is bull****. You don't even know her. All you know is that she's pretty and she's sort of fun to talk to. Furthermore, you're obsessed with a new girl every other month or so. Look at it rationally, this means that within a month from now, you'll have found another girl. Look, if you do not want this girl to be just your friend, but your girlfriend, here's what you could do: You could stop talking to her. You sporadically answer her texts, but don't initiate contact yourself. It'll make her wonder, because she thought you were so into her. However, realistically speaking it will most likely still not work. You have to accept that. You can't make people date you. All you can do is preserve your dignity. Do not get obsessed with her and respect her boundaries. If you do that, she won't talk crap about you to other people, other goodlooking girls. If you start stalking her, everyone will try to avoid you. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLawmaker Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 You know, the OP's behavior reminds me a lot of Sheldon Cooper from TBBT. Knocking on the door, "Penny!", knock, "Penny!", knock, "Penny!" What troubles me is that Sheldon's behavior wasn't driven by sex, it was driven by childish naivety. In that way, it was kind of cute; he's like a big overgrown child, and you can't help but laugh at his antics. OP, the difference here is that nobody here is laughing at your antics. Because you are driven by sex, you don't give up or go away (Sheldon does, if he knows that he committed a social faux pas), and you act like a crazy obsessed stalker. Did you have a happy childhood? I only ask, because these behaviors are often modeled in childhood. I had an absent father, so I don't know how to act as a man. Was your father obsessive or somewhat abusive? I am just trying to understand why you are this way. You don't seem like a bad guy, just...misguided. And you won't let us guide you. Even in my worst social anxiety moments, I never acted the way you're declaring you're acting. The worst I ever did was friend a girl on Facebook who I mistakenly believed wanted me to friend her...she didn't accept the friendship, I moved on and was pleasant in class to her. She realized I respected her boundaries, and relaxed. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLawmaker Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Hold you off? No, that sentence is not creepy at all. Hey OP why not just ask this girl to marry you, go that final step creepier. Take it easy on him. I honestly believes he doesn't realize how creepy he actually is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 I texted her today just asking what she's doing on the long holiday weekend. She said mostly just work, and maybe hopefully catch some fireworks. I replied back telling her I have to work too, but get monday off, and how I'm not doing anything, pretty boring I told her. Link to post Share on other sites
RovingReporter Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I texted her today just asking what she's doing on the long holiday weekend. She said mostly just work, and maybe hopefully catch some fireworks. I replied back telling her I have to work too, but get monday off, and how I'm not doing anything, pretty boring I told her. You notice how she never texts you first or asks you out? Yeah... Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Dude, chill with the texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 You notice how she never texts you first or asks you out? Yeah... I've NEVER have had a girl approach me and ask me out. I don't know any guys who really have. Why is it in this society it's supposed to me the man who ask the girl out? She just replied back. I told her I like her personality and thinks she's funny. She ask why do I think she has a nice personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Yeah. Before you know it, she's going to ask you to stop texting her. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLawmaker Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I've NEVER have had a girl approach me and ask me out. I don't know any guys who really have. Why is it in this society it's supposed to me the man who ask the girl out? You know what? I complain about this a lot, but it is biology. Women get to be pretty, men get to ask them out. That's just the way it works. And if a girl was interested in you, she would be texting you first. Not asking you out, of course, but dropping hints. Notice how she's not doing that here? She values you as a friend, and nothing more. She just replied back. I told her I like her personality and thinks she's funny. She ask why do I think she has a nice personality. She is trying to gauge how invested in her you are. That way, she can figure out how to let you down easy, and dodge a bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 You know what? I complain about this a lot, but it is biology. Women get to be pretty, men get to ask them out. That's just the way it works. And if a girl was interested in you, she would be texting you first. Not asking you out, of course, but dropping hints. Notice how she's not doing that here? She values you as a friend, and nothing more. She is trying to gauge how invested in her you are. That way, she can figure out how to let you down easy, and dodge a bullet. What u mean figure out how to let me down? Well I'm sitting next to her tomorrow. If she comes in and sits somewhere else then I know she's giving me a hint. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 She just said she likes talking to me. One thing I want to ask, is it best not to comment on her looks like saying how pretty she is, or how cute? Would that give off signals and make her think I only like her because of her looks? Link to post Share on other sites
TheLawmaker Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 She just said she likes talking to me. One thing I want to ask, is it best not to comment on her looks like saying how pretty she is, or how cute? Would that give off signals and make her think I only like her because of her looks? Commenting on her looks = I like you for your looks. So yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Commenting on her looks = I like you for your looks. So yeah. True. I do like her looks a lot, but I do like her personality. I find it cute. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 stop obsessing Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 stop obsessing I know that it's frustrating and at some point you just want to pull your hair out, but obsession, by it's nature, doesn't respond to commands to stop. Even people who are aware they have obsessive thoughts and/or behaviors are unable to "just stop." That's what makes it an obsession. And I don't have a lot of confidence that the OP is aware of how his thought processes deviate from the norm, so that puts him yet a step further away from controlling things by sheer force of will. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLawmaker Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 True. I do like her looks a lot, but I do like her personality. I find it cute. Like I said, she wants you as a friend. A. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Not boyfriend. Not dating material. Friend. Friend Friend Friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author one goal Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 I like talking to her though honestly. She must not mind it also based on what she said. Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Honestly, I think this forum is enabling him, and those of us who have tried to reach out to him in the past is also a way of enabling him. It's clear at this point he just enjoys the attention, the daily bumping of his own written words, and he's not REALLY interested in any constructive criticism we give. I honestly think it wouldn't be a bad thing at all if: A. Everyone makes a concerted effort to not respond to any of his threads, especially when they're about the SAME thing over and over again, just wrapped up in a different shade of color or B. He is banned from LoveShack Seriously. I know it sounds harsh, but it's clear he needs professional help in REAL LIFE. He is using LS as a vice, and posters are enabling him. In fact, this is my final reply to One Goal, ever. (This is my 3rd reply to him in total, but already, I've had enough of enabling him and being a part of his little selfish, creepy charade). Believe me, I've been there myself... where I kept posting on a different forum MY EVERY MOVE with my crush, asking them what should I do next or what does this mean? I was overly obsessed with my crush, and every time it ended the same way. The guys all told me to man up and shut up. Eventually, I learned I just had to. This was something I needed to figure out on my own, and not allow an internet forum to enable me to do more of the same ole BS. One Goal needs to do the same. I've been there. I did grow up. He can too. But sadly, I wouldn't be surprised if I see this thread hit page 15 later this week, with him avoiding any sort of constructive criticism reply, rather asking the same ole "What should I do now? Does this mean I have a chance? What can I do now to put her in my good graces?" It's so predictable. It's so enabling. It's so sad. Titus 3:10-11 has wise words for us to heed: Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned. Take care one goal, and best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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