So I talked to her. Yep, you can guess the outcome!

[one goal]

Since then I only texted her once in the last two days.

 

I figure keep being friendly and chatty at school. Maybe then at the end of the semester possibly I could maybe at least go hangout with her before she leaves for the fall maybe?

[one goal]

What should I expect her to be like in class on Monday after asking her out on Wed? Is she going to bring it up you think? Like I said she was little flirty when she was texting me.

 

Anything I can do to win her over?

[one goal]

Uh maybe play down the obsessive stalker vibe. That would make you seem at the very least normal.

 

What you mean "play it down"? I don't stalk her. I have not pestered her.

 

I just think she's a pretty, nice girl and wanted to get to know her better since she's single. Even though she goes to school a few hours away why can't she just go out for a few dates, just handout with me?

[one goal]

This is depressing lately because she rejected me. I'm tired the last few days and don't feel like eating much. I'm really sick of being rejected.

[whichwayisup]

Well I get shot down EVERY SINGLE time! Every time! I'm serious. I can't catch a break!

 

This is seriously bs though. God has it in for me!

 

Okay, since you think it is "you" and every girl has shot you down, don't you think then it's time to find out WHY and WHAT you are doing wrong? Maybe some counselling can help you figure this out. Don't mean to hurt your feelings, but whatever your approach is, the way you relate to women is putting them off. You are doing something wrong and you need to fix this.

[on_point]

being rejected sucks and it takes rejected 100 times before it starts to hurt less

 

but you can numb yourself to it

 

i'm rich, handsome, smart, funny, and in excellent shape. and guess what, things STILL don't work out like 80% of the time. and can you blame a girl? they have no idea what or who you really are. and you have no idea of who they really are.

 

tips:

 

1. accept and get used to being rejected as fast as possible, it doesn't REALLY mean ANYTHING.

 

2. try to be as normal as possible when in class with her, its hard, but if you were okay with rejection you would act normal. and that is attractive.

 

3. don't make assumptions about anything and try not to over analyze. its hell.

 

anyway, GOOD LUCK, its not easy for us guys. but we're supposed to be strong.

[leftfordead2]

This is depressing lately because she rejected me. I'm tired the last few days and don't feel like eating much. I'm really sick of being rejected.

 

You just reek of "creepy", it's even detectable over the net.

[one goal]

being rejected sucks and it takes rejected 100 times before it starts to hurt less

 

but you can numb yourself to it

 

i'm rich, handsome, smart, funny, and in excellent shape. and guess what, things STILL don't work out like 80% of the time. and can you blame a girl? they have no idea what or who you really are. and you have no idea of who they really are.

 

tips:

 

1. accept and get used to being rejected as fast as possible, it doesn't REALLY mean ANYTHING.

 

2. try to be as normal as possible when in class with her, its hard, but if you were okay with rejection you would act normal. and that is attractive.

 

3. don't make assumptions about anything and try not to over analyze. its hell.

 

anyway, GOOD LUCK, its not easy for us guys. but we're supposed to be strong.

 

I mean I believe her she doesn't have a bf now and I can see why since she goes to school on the other side of the state. However I mean why wouldn't she want to go out just to be friendly and that just for fun? When she responded back she said she wasn't ready for a relationship. Why is it she considered asking her out for lunch, or go do something a date and romantically interested in her?

[Mme. Chaucer]

I

However I mean why wouldn't she want to go out just to be friendly and that just for fun?

 

PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T THINK IT WOULD BE FUN.

 

Are you in therapy right now? Are you on any meds? Are you getting any kind of support for Aspergers?

 

Work on yourself. If you do, people will probably be more likely to respond well to you.

 

You've been told this hundreds of times, on multiple fora on the Internet and probably by people in real life. What do you have to say about it?

[Mrlonelyone]

By the by OG. Gotta love the Confederate Missouri Avatar. People forget that was a slave state that stayed in the union...yet had many people in the confederate army... even some black people... one of whom is my direct male ancestor who by the one drop rule would have been considered a free person of color. He was a cavalry man and fought to keep his slaves who he used to grow tobacco and hemp/marijuana .

 

The black race is not totally innocent in that story. From people like grandpa Jesse Farmer who owned slaves, to the African Kingdom of Ndogo/N'gola which sold his black ancestors to the Portuguese, who then sold them to the honorable Mr. Rolfe and his wife...in Jamestown, Tsenacommacah/Virginia.

 

So lets not forget those aspects of our heritage as Americans. Our history, it is what makes us black white and NDN distinctive from all other people and exceptional as a nation. We have strove to make ourselves more equal and overcome the reptilian impulse to hate those who are different.

 

Keep trying with new women. Trust me on that campus there is a woman paying attention to you. You don't know her yet but she has her eye on you the older guy. To her the men her age are all boys. You just have to take your eyes off this one, apparently game playing b___h and look elsewhere or you'll miss the one who's looking for you.

Edited June 26, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[one goal]

By the by OG. Gotta love the Confederate Missouri Avatar. People forget that was a slave state that stayed in the union...yet had many people in the confederate army... even some black people... one of whom is my direct male ancestor who by the one drop rule would have been considered a free person of color. He was a cavalry man and fought to keep his slaves who he used to grow tobacco and hemp/marijuana .

 

The black race is not totally innocent in that story. From people like grandpa Jesse Farmer who owned slaves, to the African Kingdom of Ndogo/N'gola which sold his black ancestors to the Portuguese, who then sold them to the honorable Mr. Rolfe and his wife...in Jamestown, Tsenacommacah/Virginia.

 

So lets not forget those aspects of our heritage as Americans. Our history, it is what makes us black white and NDN distinctive from all other people and exceptional as a nation. We have strove to make ourselves more equal and overcome the reptilian impulse to hate those who are different.

 

Keep trying with new women. Trust me on that campus there is a woman paying attention to you. You don't know her yet but she has her eye on you the older guy. To her the men her age are all boys. You just have to take your eyes off this one, apparently game playing b___h and look elsewhere or you'll miss the one who's looking for you.

 

Actually Missouri WAS a confederate state. They were the 12th state admitted on Nov 28, 1861. The legally elected government fled to Neosho in SW MO and voted to remove Missouri from the Union. The constitutional convention that evicted all the Missouri state offices did not have the legality to depose our government and install a union puppet one.

 

That is the only reason why the slanted history books consider not seceeded from the union. Claiborne Fox Jackson is the greatest governor in MO history.

 

IF General Lyon and his yankees didn't invade MO so fast, Sterling Price with the Missouri State Guard would have been able to defend Jefferson City until Confederate help could have arrived. Most historians say if that was the case then MO would have then seceeded from the union and been a undisputed offical Confederate State. Before the invasion Governor Jackson told Jefferson Davis to give MO 30 days to seceede.

 

After Camp Jackson debacle, MO was heading for the Confederacy. Besides most of the Union men from Missouri were immigrants who were NOT native Missourian's. Outside of the St. Louis area most men joined the State Guard and the Confederacy.

 

Also our liberal past governor Bob Holden had the Confederate flags removed at the historic sites. They never have been put back up!!!!

[Trimmer]

What should I expect her to be like in class on Monday after asking her out on Wed?

Here's what you should expect. You should expect that she thinks she has drawn a boundary that you will understand. A boundary that says: I don't want to go out with you, date you, or anything like that. And you might even expect that she currently respects you enough to keep talking to you in a friendly way, expecting that you understand the boundary she has set out.

 

You should expect that as long as you respect that boundary - which means not asking to push over it again, not doing things with the motivation that she might "change her mind", etc. - then she will still keep treating you in a friendly way as a classmate.

 

However, if you take a step over that boundary, or start pushing in a way that she even perceives is motivated by trying to push that boundary back, you can expect that she will back off, and you will lose even the "friendly" level of contact you have now. At that point, she will start to believe that you don't understand her boundary, she will lose respect and trust in you, and your interactions will grow colder and more distant. At that point, the more you push, the colder they will get until she is actively pushing you away to protect herself.

 

This is your pattern. Do you recognize it?

 

It doesn't matter "why" she doesn't want to be anything more with you - any person is entitled to make that decision and doesn't owe anyone else a reason. "No" means no. "I don't want to" means she doesn't want to.

 

You don't have an ability to interpret subtleties around these issues, so to be sure you don't push the boundary again, you need to understand that this is a boundary that you must not attempt to cross with this woman, do you understand that?

 

You are OK right now; you had a very normal interaction and her answer was no. So far, nothing is wrong with either your behavior or hers .... and everything will stay OK as long as you understand that she has set a boundary, and you will lose her trust and respect if you try to push beyond it.

 

Anything I can do to win her over?

That's one of the things you don't understand - you think that once she turns you down, if you push harder, you will "win a woman over" or convince her somehow. In fact, you end up pushing to the point where they lose any trust and respect they had for you, and even sometimes to the point where they end up fearing you in one way or another.

 

Go back and consider the interactions you have shared with us, between you and various women (your teacher, the hockey usher, etc...) and you will see this pattern: she is open and friendly initially and up to a point, but then she chooses not to take things further with you. (Boundary is set.) You don't understand, and you keep pushing to convince her, (stepping over the boundary) and that's the point where it all turns sour. (She loses whatever trust and respect she might have had for you.)

 

In this case, recognize that you have reached that boundary, and there is still time to do it right, but you must accept that it is a boundary, and decide - CHOOSE - not to cross it again.

 

I bet if you decide not to cross it - not to even try to "hang out" or get food, or do anything to try to "win her over", then for as long as you keep that attitude, she will stay open and friendly, because you are respecting her boundary. I also bet that if you try to push it, convince her, ask her out "just once", or anything like that, she will close off, and you will lose her trust and respect.

[Mrlonelyone]

Also our liberal past governor Bob Holden had the Confederate flags removed at the historic sites. They never have been put back up!!!!

 

Yeah my family that lives in St Louis argues that MO is southern. While those who live further to the west argue that it is Midwestern. It's a midwestern state that was settled by people mostly from Virginia. (Not mentioning the NDN's who were everywhere of course.)

 

Jefferson city eh. One of the first settlers in that area was my direct male ancestor. He homesteaded on a piece of land just across the river from Jefferson city in cote sans dessein twp. The Farmers mentioned here are that mans descendants and my ancestors.

 

As for the confederate flag it's just a symbol. Not flying it over historical battle fields etc would be like....not flying a British Union Jack over Yorktown or the area where Andrew Jackson whopped their @$$ near New Orleans.

 

Not meaning to Jack your thread. I do have an ulterior motive here....

[RovingReporter]

hey OP if you creep people out over the internet imagine what people must think of you in real life! Get some help little buddy.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Are you in therapy right now? Are you on any meds? Are you getting any kind of support for Aspergers?

 

Work on yourself. If you do, people will probably be more likely to respond well to you.

 

You've been told this hundreds of times, on multiple fora on the Internet and probably by people in real life. What do you have to say about it?

[Teknoe]

Here's what you should expect. You should expect that she thinks she has drawn a boundary that you will understand. A boundary that says: I don't want to go out with you, date you, or anything like that. And you might even expect that she currently respects you enough to keep talking to you in a friendly way, expecting that you understand the boundary she has set out.

 

You should expect that as long as you respect that boundary - which means not asking to push over it again, not doing things with the motivation that she might "change her mind", etc. - then she will still keep treating you in a friendly way as a classmate.

 

However, if you take a step over that boundary, or start pushing in a way that she even perceives is motivated by trying to push that boundary back, you can expect that she will back off, and you will lose even the "friendly" level of contact you have now. At that point, she will start to believe that you don't understand her boundary, she will lose respect and trust in you, and your interactions will grow colder and more distant. At that point, the more you push, the colder they will get until she is actively pushing you away to protect herself.

 

This is your pattern. Do you recognize it?

 

It doesn't matter "why" she doesn't want to be anything more with you - any person is entitled to make that decision and doesn't owe anyone else a reason. "No" means no. "I don't want to" means she doesn't want to.

 

You don't have an ability to interpret subtleties around these issues, so to be sure you don't push the boundary again, you need to understand that this is a boundary that you must not attempt to cross with this woman, do you understand that?

 

You are OK right now; you had a very normal interaction and her answer was no. So far, nothing is wrong with either your behavior or hers .... and everything will stay OK as long as you understand that she has set a boundary, and you will lose her trust and respect if you try to push beyond it.

 

 

That's one of the things you don't understand - you think that once she turns you down, if you push harder, you will "win a woman over" or convince her somehow. In fact, you end up pushing to the point where they lose any trust and respect they had for you, and even sometimes to the point where they end up fearing you in one way or another.

 

Go back and consider the interactions you have shared with us, between you and various women (your teacher, the hockey usher, etc...) and you will see this pattern: she is open and friendly initially and up to a point, but then she chooses not to take things further with you. (Boundary is set.) You don't understand, and you keep pushing to convince her, (stepping over the boundary) and that's the point where it all turns sour. (She loses whatever trust and respect she might have had for you.)

 

In this case, recognize that you have reached that boundary, and there is still time to do it right, but you must accept that it is a boundary, and decide - CHOOSE - not to cross it again.

 

I bet if you decide not to cross it - not to even try to "hang out" or get food, or do anything to try to "win her over", then for as long as you keep that attitude, she will stay open and friendly, because you are respecting her boundary. I also bet that if you try to push it, convince her, ask her out "just once", or anything like that, she will close off, and you will lose her trust and respect.

 

 

TRUTH.

 

For the love of God, topic creator PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN to the advice above. It'll save you a lot of heartache.

 

Also, I want to thank you for this thread. I thought I had problems with females (I was rejected 3 times in a year), but reading your posts makes me realize I'm not doing TOO bad.

 

On a more uplifting note, today is a new day. And today is the day you can make the CHOICE to make the right choices.

 

Good luck.

[one goal]

We texted back and forth a little again today. Just bs, chit chat.

 

Does this mean I fall into that "friend zone" with her then? Meaning she will never date me, but likes talking to me?

[TheLawmaker]

We texted back and forth a little again today. Just bs, chit chat.

 

Does this mean I fall into that "friend zone" with her then? Meaning she will never date me, but likes talking to me?

 

You don't read, do you?

[one goal]

So today I texted her and asked her if I could sit next to her in class because I have no one sitting next to me to talk to. She said it would be fine.

 

Others on here said I should sit next to her.

[one goal]

youre a jerk

 

How is that being a jerk wanting to sit next to her??

[Cracker Jack]

You're starting that creepy stuff again.....I am disappoint, one goal.

[one goal]

You're starting that creepy stuff again.....I am disappoint, one goal.

 

How the heck is that creepy just wanting to sit next to her in class to have someone to talk to???

[oaks]

How the heck is that creepy just wanting to sit next to her in class to have someone to talk to???

 

It's your motives, again. You're not doing it out of friendship, or because you're being a good classmate. It's because you (still) want to (to use your earlier words) "bone her". She's already declined, yet you persist. It's getting creepy.

[one goal]

It's your motives, again. You're not doing it out of friendship, or because you're being a good classmate. It's because you (still) want to (to use your earlier words) "bone her". She's already declined, yet you persist. It's getting creepy.

 

Since she's been nice, do you think she thinks I want to sit next to her to talk, or because I like her?

[oaks]

Since she's been nice, do you think she thinks I want to sit next to her to talk, or because I like her?

 

She's not going to let you bone her, so just give it up and find another girl! ffs.