Bobbie Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 I've been out of this dating thing for a few years, but one of my oldest friends who apparently fancied me for years ( his mum told me! ) when I made the move ( we were mid-twenties I guess ) he was even more terrified of me!
Arabess Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 Some guys are DWEEBS and never get beyond themselves. The REST of the population would've been happy to recieve your attention.
CurlyIam Posted April 19, 2004 Posted April 19, 2004 Oh, how cute! Act very flattered, if he's not a wimp, he'll know what to do next. Try not to take this against him
Author Bobbie Posted April 20, 2004 Author Posted April 20, 2004 Thanks. I think I'll just jump in there and hope for the best then! Some guys ( and women too ) have really messed up communication skills ( lack of )! I posted earlier about a guy I like ( nobody replied ) but he's a player I think, and I actually like him as a friend ( so long as I don't have to watch him smarming around ) and wouldn't get involved romantically unless he was going to commit; he gives off such a mixture of vibes its really hard to read, and women practically swoon over him even though a lot of what he says is really off.
AtomicOrphan Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 Some of us get gun shy from bad experiences in our youth. You know, you're polite and cordial and everything, but you know when you give her your number, she's gonna get on the blower with her girlfriends: "He gave me his number, and he's really queer! Eeeeuuuu!" No, seriously, it's not that we're afraid of rejection itself, it's that we rightfully fear the consequences of rejection. Now you've got a woman with whom you have previously been friendly avoiding you and acting all skittish because you asked her out and she said no. A lot of grown women still act like they're in high school, for chrissakes! Oh, and in some workplaces, if you ask a woman out and she says no -- CONGRATULATIONS! You've just committed Sexual Harrassment!! Believe you me, there are some very sound reasons why guys don't want to make the first move.
Author Bobbie Posted April 22, 2004 Author Posted April 22, 2004 Now you've got a woman with whom you have previously been friendly avoiding you and acting all skittish because you asked her out and she said no. A lot of grown women still act like they're in high school, for chrissakes! yes, it seems like fantasy island the way many people communicate! Are we all supposed to guess??? So much misinterpretation and miscommunication...I'll certainly try to avoid any high school behaviour myself, I can barely remember high school!
david_gray63 Posted April 24, 2004 Posted April 24, 2004 Originally posted by AtomicOrphan A lot of grown women still act like they're in high school, for chrissakes. exactly! see this "Doggy style and the unbearable immaturity of women" | more here I would love to be asked out. Alas it hasnt happened to me yet. But still i live in hope. Also, just being fwd with a guy is quite a turn on...well...for me anyway. ( also worth a read )
RedneckRomeo Posted April 24, 2004 Posted April 24, 2004 it's not that we're afraid of rejection itself, it's that we rightfully fear the consequences of rejection. Too true. The thing with me though, is I dont think I'm really afraid of consequences either, but I'm just afraid of doing something I've never done before and totally screwing it up or something. Its a good feeling to have the women make the first move, I haven't been very strong myself though as far as making moves goes though either - so maybe thats why I welcome it. It helps us guys to know you're interested in us more if you make some kind of move, it doesn't have to be big either, just something to get the guy's attention and show him you're interested in him too. If you're not wanting to make the big move and ask him out - just ask for a slow dance or something similar - its always appreciated. With a slow dance, you're giving the guy a few minutes of 'alone time' with you - Everyone else is slow dancing around, its easier to feel comfortable talking for some shy guys (like me) when you're somewhat isolated. I'm sure the guy will thank you. Now when the dance is done, you can usually find out if he likes you too - at least from my point of view. If you were the one asking for the dance, tell the guy Thank You, and see how he responds. If its someone I dont really like, I'll usually just say something casual like sure, no problem, you're welcome, etc, but if I'm interested in the girl who asked me, and just havent been able to scrape up the courage to ask her myself, I'm happy and I'll say Thank You back, with a little emphasis on 'you' so she know I appreciated it instead of just doing it to have a dance partner. Most guys do enjoy girls making the first move, but if you're not comfortable making the move to ask him out on a date, or if you would rather have him make the his own move to check if he has a spine - asking him for a slow dance is a good step towards that, and it might even encourage your guy to make HIS move sooner than he would have otherwise, which is always a good thing if there are mutual feelings there. A lot of men may be spineless, not wanting to take the risks, but a little encouragement from the girl he likes is sure to help him grow one.
UCFKevin Posted April 24, 2004 Posted April 24, 2004 It's never happened with me, but I would love the hell out of it if it did.
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