True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another

[Mack05]

Ok...Firstly I got the thread quote from Wedding crashers the movie (lol)...But I am going somewhere with this thread..

 

Can I firstly say I think this is one of the best sites on the web. 99% of the people here (including my ex) are genuinely nice people with good hearts, who are suffering terribly right now. Over the past 2 months I have posted over 150 posts, I have read at least 5 times that in different stories. There is no doubt about it, having a broken heart sucks...Secondly please be patient with the thread as it is long...

 

I have read different stories from different heartbroken people (men and women). Some people have regrets over the mistakes they have made in their relationship. Some people feel they did little wrong in the whole relationship and can't figure out what went wrong. I have seen some relationships crash and burn after 3 months. I have seen one poster mourn a 16 year relationship. Many different stories. A lot of hurt, a lot heartbreak...

 

The title of my thread may be chessy but it's something I will always aspire too.."True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another". But what does that actually mean? I can't answer that. I can try tell you what it means to me. It may mean something completely different for other people..

 

I think there is one thing we can all agree on...Meeting someone who is truly amazing/special to us, having a love shared that stands the test of time. That is a VERY hard thing to find. I think all of us (depending on our ages) have been through a few 'honeymoon periods..' Where the intensity of feelings are second to none. We can't sleep at night. We don't eat. This person has come into our lives and we are dumbfounded by them. They consume our thoughts. Finally someone who gets 'me'. Could it be that they are perfect? The first 3-6 months are a whirlwind. The past is forgotten.

 

Then one of two things happen. 1) The honeymoon period ends abrutly. It could be because you have been fighting non stop for 6 weeks (unforeseen problems arise) and you want to go back to the days when there were stars in each other's eyes. Or, Maybe you have had one fight and that's that! This leaves the dumpee bewildered and confused. It's in this time period (straight after the honeymoon period ends) when you figure out, is your overall view on life and compatabilty similar to your partners? If they were, your relationship would have survived the honeymoon period.

 

I have heard/read so many stories about guys wining and dining their girls for 6 months only for them to be dumped suddenly. Then they question their exe's. "But I did everything right", they will say. In their heads the ex is the cruel villian and they have been viciously scourned. They think "what is her problem?" After awhile, the sadness gets replaced by anger. "She will never get a guy that treats her as good as I did. She made a mistake" (which is total nonsense). Is he looking at things from the girls point of view??. Maybe getting wined and dined was the last thing she wanted. Maybe she would prefer him doing the little things that didn't cost money? Maybe for one reason or another there was a communication break down, or more probable communication was never established in the first place (trying to get from a-z, super fast skipping through some natural phases). There are other examples. The girl/guy who is getting on great with a new partner for awhile and then gets dumped for no apparent reason via text. Leaving him/her with unresolved questions as to what exactly he/she did wrong? Maybe the timing was wrong for various different reasons. Maybe the dumper was not being truthful and honest. It leaves the dumpee hurt, confused and struggling for answers..Losing someone at this time can leave a person shocked, dazed and confused..

 

2) If you survive the honeymoon period, and not only that you feel even stronger about the person, that is when real love and intimacy takes place. The intensity of wanting to do it in the park is replaced by genuine, true, real feelings. The hoping of spending the rest of your life with someone is replaced by, I can't see myself spending my life with anyone else. This is what we all crave for, but even then that is no guarentee for long term success. It's the people on this site that are trying to recover from relationships that lasted years long, who I feel the most sorry for. They are left with utter devastation wondering what the next step to take in life is, without the person that stood by their side for so long. This takes a long time to recover from, but it shouldn't mean you give up.

 

Just because you have lost a long term relationship doesn't mean Mr/Mrs right isn't out there for you. Everytime we leave our hearts out there, it is a gamble. Everytime we get viciously hurt, the temptation is to give up. Put the wall around our hearts and say enough is enough. But deep down none of us ever will, because we all want to find that special someone. Whether we are 19 or 89.

 

I think for must of us, the day we find what we are looking for we will just know it. In our own personal circumstances we will be in a good place, ready to be a good partner for the right reasons. There won't be any pleading, begging or manipulating involved to make them stay with us when things go wrong..We will know this person inside out and we will still want to stay with them. Just as important, they will want to stay with us. They won't dump us after 4 months because you were acting out of character for a weekend. They won't dump us after 20 years because they believe there is a better life for them, away from you.

 

When you meet your true love, WHEN. Your views on life will be the same. The things to make a relationship work will just click without even trying. Love, Respect, Loyalty, Honesty, Empathy, Compassion, Sincerity, Trust, Understanding, Compatabilty. It will all come naturally. You will thoroughly enjoy the good times and support each other through the tough times. That is when you know your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.....Trust me, the people that have hurt us will be a LONG distant memory in time. Keep believing in yourself, keep working on yourself. Life changes in an instant, when we are ready -> "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

[RuinedLife]

Is your overall view on life and compatibly similar to your partners? If they were, your relationship would have survived the honeymoon period.

 

What if your overall view on life and the person that you want to be, is similar to that of your ex? But there is a part of yourself that you hate , which ruined an otherwise great relationship for no good reason? And you don't understand why this part of yourself that you hate had to ruin everything for you?

 

All you know is that you love your ex with a passion even months after the relationship is over and you have no idea how to fix it, because your ex got to see this side of yourself that you hate, and so no longer loves you and only sees you in a negative light.

 

And you can relate because you now hate this part of yourself with a passion too and it constantly hinders any recovery process. Instead this "evil" side of yourself just makes you want to take revenge on yourself for putting yourself through such pain, and to this end, it perpetuates the pain you feel indefinitely?

Edited June 23, 2011 by RuinedLife

[Mack05]

What if your overall view on life and the person that you want to be, is similar to that of your ex? But there is a part of yourself that you hate , which ruined an otherwise great relationship for no good reason? And you don't understand why this part of yourself that you hate had to ruin everything for you?

 

All you know is that you love your ex with a passion even months after the relationship is over and you have no idea how to fix it, because your ex got to see this side of yourself that you hate, and so no longer loves you and only sees you in a negative light.

 

And you can relate because you now hate this part of yourself with a passion too and it constantly hinders any recovery process. Instead this "evil" side of yourself just makes you want to take revenge on yourself for putting yourself through such pain, and to this end, it perpetuates the pain you feel indefinitely?

 

Ruinedlife I guarentee you there is not one person on this site without regret from their past relationships. I made more mistakes in my last relationship then the previous 4 combined. As much as we would love to turn back the clock we can't. You need to accept that you were not ready when the last relationship failed. It's life's way of telling you that you don't belong together.

 

Just because our last relationships failed through our mistakes does that mean we should give up? The lashing I got from my ex was harsh, but she had every right to say those things. I had made terrible mistakes, I had hurt her. Should I accept my ex's opinion of me as "a horrible person" and therefore give up? I don't want to give up....I want to meet the right partner for me. The right partner will stick with us when we are at our worst and not use our weaknesses as excuses not to be with us. Having said that there are very few girls that would have out up with me 6 months ago. Therefore you have to take a long look at yourself, reflect and genuinely learn from your mistakes. Not just from your last relationship but from the other one's previous to that.

 

Ruinedlife if you don't forgive yourself and let this go you will never move on from this. Also if you hate yourself, what are the chances of the right person loving you? You need to accept you made those mistakes and life is telling you that this guy was not the right guy for you. Life is showing you what your faults are and it's up to you to rectify them. I have just finished nearly 4 months of therapy. My Therapist said (and I agree) any relationship trends tend to follow how you are feeling about yourself. If you met a guy now it would fail for the same reasons your last relationship did. If you meet a guy you have a connection with and you are compatible the relationship will have a far better chance of blossoming if you are really happy within yourself. Also, if you are happy within yourself you attarct the right kind of people for you.

 

From my thread above "Keep believing in yourself, keep working on yourself. Life changes in an instant, when we are ready". Right now your beating yourself up for your mistakes over and over again. I know I did the same thing. Ruinedlife we are all here for you and will support you for as long as you post, but at some stage you have to take the next step forward. The right guy is out there for you but only when you are ready. You are only going to be ready when you love yourself again and feel 100% within yourself (try take the first little positive step forward today). I'm still not there yet myself but I am continuing to work hard on myself and I am getting closer to the man I used to be. I would hate to miss my opportunity because I wasn't ready. If there I was lesson I have learnt over the last year, that is it..

 

I hope you break yourself out of this vicious cycle soon. The longer you stay in it, the longer your recovery..

 

Ruinedlife please please buy this book. Along with Therapy, it has changed my life -> http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-ebook/dp/B0026A6C4U