Wesker Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 So basically, my ex GF, and I went out for 7 years, with a mini-breakup after the first 2. I thought things were great and that we'd find a place, and get married soon. Apparently not true. She dumped me 3 week ago right out of the blue, and told me that she hasn't been happy for over a year now; her words "feeling stuck". She was being different the last 2 weeks saying she needed a "change" whatever that means; and when I asked her directly if that meant me, she smiled and said he loves me forever. Thing is, I think I'm more crushed about her practically resenting me for over a year than actually being dumped. I get I have my flaws. I'm not perfect. and that I prolly hesitated too long for that next big step. But I also poured my heart out for her for 7 years. Doing things nice and thoughtful that no other guy will come close to matching, and now it seems like I just wasted 7 years of my life. I haven't spoken to her since being dumped, but since we work at the same place, I'll always get a glimpse of her now and then. Link to post Share on other sites
Lemontang Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 If anything dude. This is your chance to work on yourself, or refresh the Wesker page so to speak. You got to 7 years good for you. Chances are that sometime down the track she'll be in contact with you and want to revisit being friends or maybe more. My word of advice is don't...well at least not yet if it's anytime soon. In fact be thankful that she did break it off with you. Yes actually agree with her that it's for the best. It'll show that you have not just self respect, but you are your own man and you really have better things to do than wallow in self pity. You've now been given a wake up call. Go NC and work on yourself and take on new interests. Nut out the flaws you have and do something about it. Don't just go as an example "I'm fat I wish I could loose some weight" and do nothing about it, work out change your diets, or "I should listen more", go out learn how to be more attentive to people etc... And then maybe you'll be able to revisit it. I'm not giving you any false hope here. Just I find the really long term relationships, especially ones that end peacefully & respectfully tend to have a better chance of getting back together after some time has passed. You may even find after some time is passed and the opportunity presents itself that you won't want to get back together again. I had this happen myself with a 9 year relationship and when the chance came I chose not to take it. To this day however we are great friends and it's the friendship I cherished more than the relationship. I wish you the best of luck dude. Link to post Share on other sites
zerovandez Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Hey man, 10 years down the drain on my end. Waste of time? No! Life lesson learned? Absolutely! As the other user posted, get to work on yourself. Perfect yourself for you and nobody else. Remain no contact for the duration of the break up and keep things at a professional level if you are to speak to her. DO NOT get emotional on her if you do decide to speak or contact her. And date when you are ready after you've worked on yourself. Don't go out looking for a replacement or carbon copy of your EX. Time to start fresh and new so be excited about that! Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 8 Years for me. Although I miss her terribly and still can't quite believe I won't see her again I have made huge improvements to me myself and I. I am not the person she left :0) It's getting easier - when it all kicked off I did wonder if I'd make it out alive!! Yet here I am 5.5 months out and I don't recognise my self!! Lesson learned (the hard way!) Link to post Share on other sites
Kuite09 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 7 yrs for me as well. Its super tough becuz its like a lifetime with the same person. My ex and I called it off completely in March and I am still hurting...right now ive been on NC for 3 weeks and no contact has been made. It is our 2nd break up but let me tell you something I have never loved another man the way I love him. The part that hurts the most is when he tells me I love you, love you to death but just cant do this anymore. My hurt was just broken but I still hope one day he picks up the phone and dials my #. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 my ex looks at our 8yr relationship/2.5yr marriage as a "learning experience". I however do not. I didn't take the vows as some practice run, I was in for the long haul, for better or worse. Link to post Share on other sites
mtd4249 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 16 years for me! That's about a quarter of my life ... wasted? Maybe - it's only been 5 months, so right now it feels like it! Wesker - I was also taken by surprise when my ex told me she needed space, felt stuck and hadn't been happy for about a year ... your ex and mine didn't drink the same water, did they?! If your relationship is over, the only way you will be able to move on properly is absolute NC - but you mention that you work in the same place, so you have a real puzzle to deal with. It sounds like you didn't do anything wrong to make her leave and, if that's the case, she will find out that the grass is actually brown on the other side. But, that's little consolation to you right now - seems like you had the rest of your life planned with this girl. Hope you're holding up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wesker Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Excellent takes all around. Luckily for me, I do stay active running, playing ball, etc; and unlike my ex, I have friends to hang out, and have fun with. As far as seeing her at work, I have ways to avoid that; and if we do cross paths, I'll maybe give a quick half smile, and keep walking. Thing is, there still is a part of me that loves her tons, and want to be able to make this work, or at least an opportunity to lay all of our issues on the table, and take it from there. But since she decided to dump me, I feel the ball's in her court on whether to get back together or not. Link to post Share on other sites
just_scott Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 IF she dumpped you then definatly the ball is in her court to get back together nothing you can do will give her a change of heart [ or mind] she had her reasons for breaking up , just stay N.C. work on yourself and your happiness BUT you can always leave the door open for her IN case she does want to get back in contact with you maybe apologize and maybe reconcile BUT don't just sit around waiting on that that could take some time to happen,keep busy don't put yourself through the if i would have ,could have stuff it'll just mess with your mind and emotions Link to post Share on other sites
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