is this guy interested or am I crazy?

[girlonaboat]

Hi,

let me start with I've never posted a thread before, so bare with me.

I am confused about the intentions of a new male friend and maybe some of you can give me some helpful advice.

To start we met 4 months ago at the dog park, I'm in my mid thirties as is my friend. I'm single and he is recently coming out of a very long term relationship.

After a few weeks of chatting at the park we found that we had many areas of common interest. We decided to try working on some creative projects together which went over well, and we now are collaborating ever week on new projects.

Also in addition to seeing each other every day at the park, we go out hiking, play tennis together, go out to dinner a couple of nights a week, talk about what color to paint the living room, what kinda tee shirts he should buy, what to cook for dinner, he refers to our dogs as the kid... you get the point

 

He's always bringing me thoughtful gifts, and doing things to make my life easier.

He tells me he likes me, and is always flirting with me, but has never made a move.

I feel like I've dropped hints, but assumed he's either not interested in me that way, or not ready to get involved as hes just getting out of a long term thing, or is he obtuse and doesn't realize I'm interested.

 

If I rely on his body language, he is definitely interested. I'm afraid that if I make a move I could risk lose the friendship or freak him out.

This has been going on for 4 months now. Its making me crazy because it like we are dating, but nothing physical has happened.

 

I'm wondering if since hes been in a relationship for so long that this is the only way he knows how to interact with women as he doesn't have any other female friends.

I know he's ready to date as he has an online dating profile he made after he saw mine.

So what the heck is going on here??? Help.

thanks

[Maoky]

You're going crazy already - you've got nothing to lose. Make a move. Don't wait for the guy to always make a move, and then get all annoyed when nothing eventuates because you waited.

 

Chivalry is nice, but we've progressed far enough in society for women to at least take the initiative once in a while when it comes to dating..

[spiderowl]

He could be gay. Gay guys can be very charming and interested in female friends. I know this for sure as I have two gay friends who are both totally charming. If I didn't know better, I'd think they were flirting with me.

 

The other thing is that he's had long enough to make a move by now. If he hasn't, there is some problem. What it is is hard to know. Maybe he likes you as a friend but not more. I think in your position, if I really wanted this guy, I'd make myself a bit less available and let him decide whether he misses me or not. Personally, I'd start opting out of spending too much time with him because I'd be pretty fed up with wondering what he wanted from the relationship if I wanted more than friendship. You could ask him directly, I guess, but it's not the way I'd go. If he's timid and just waiting for you to give him strong signals, then he's obviously a bit clueless as it's clear from what you say that you've been flirting with him too.

 

In summary, this is not straightforward. If he was heterosexual and attracted to you as more than a friend, he would not have been able to avoid making some sort of move by now if you've given him clear flirting signals.

[buster2209]

If your not ready to make a move then try to pull back a little. If he likes you, you'll find out soon enough.....

[girlonaboat]

thanks for the responses. I decided recently enough was enough. Ehhh didn't get the exact response I was hoping. I said "you know I like you right?" him " ya I guess maybe, but I'm not in the right place right now to get involved with someone I care for" which I translated as I like you but not that way.

 

I've made a feeble attempt to add some distance in our friendship which has been met with more confussion on my behalf, like him showing up at my work unexpected to say "hi", he's making up more creative endeavors to work on together, more phone calls, and more general activities.

I thought if he wasn't interested , after i told him I was interested, he would back up a bit, or at least not pursue more. wrong

 

So I guess I really need to grow a back bone for my well being and insist on the space, because as long as I'm involved in this relationship it will be difficult if not impossible to meet and explore a relationship with someone who is in the right place to get involved with someone they care for.