Author superchiefs Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Graceful, we had all of the things that you mentioned except our communication was poor, then that lead to the falling out. However, I believe that once all of the issues are resolved, that we could get back together and have a good relationship. I am a pretty foregiving individual. Sure, I could get back together with this girl and she could do this again to me. However, I could also get with a new girl, marry her, and have her walk out on me too. That is all part of the risk of being in relationships. Mack05, before I get back with her, I would have to be convinced that everything that lead to the breakup has been resolved. Thank you for the book recommendations, I will definitely be picking them up. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Graceful, we had all of the things that you mentioned except our communication was poor, then that lead to the falling out. However, I believe that once all of the issues are resolved, that we could get back together and have a good relationship. I am a pretty foregiving individual. Sure, I could get back together with this girl and she could do this again to me. The fact I had to spoon feed you the answer tells me all I need to know. Oh, sans the communication? Now, that tells me everything I need to know. I don't expect you to listen to anyone here, and I'm out of the convo. As I said previously, it would be easier to just put a disclaimer in your OP and say, "Only respond if you agree with me" because the dead silence would probably be more meaningful to you than a litany of responses where we all disagree with you. However, I could also get with a new girl, marry her, and have her walk out on me too. That is all part of the risk of being in relationshipsYes, and I could win a million bucks in the lottery, too. Or meet Prince Harry when I'm in London. Or get discovered and become a supermodel. I'll letcha know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 GivenUp0083, anyone you are with that you give your love to is capable of abusing it. In fact, I am kind of thinking that after they do it to you once, it probably hurts a lot less the 2nd time. So if I do get back with this girl and she does it again, I dont think it will hurt near as bad as it did this time. zerovandez, I dont see how you could say that she doesnt love me enough to come back for good. If she has someone else, why is she still contacting me? Cant that person meet her needs? How do you know that she will start getting with a bunch of other guys? I dont want to be alone, I want to be with someone and start a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Graceful, so you are saying that the next relationship I am in will not result in the girl walking out on me because you are comparing the chances of it happening to winning a million dollars in the lottery. That makes a lot of sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Yes, and I could win a million bucks in the lottery, too. Or meet Prince Harry when I'm in London. You can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Graceful, we had all of the things that you mentioned except our communication was poor, then that lead to the falling out. However, I believe that once all of the issues are resolved, that we could get back together and have a good relationship. I am a pretty foregiving individual. Sure, I could get back together with this girl and she could do this again to me. However, I could also get with a new girl, marry her, and have her walk out on me too. That is all part of the risk of being in relationships. Mack05, before I get back with her, I would have to be convinced that everything that lead to the breakup has been resolved. Thank you for the book recommendations, I will definitely be picking them up. The problem is Super, you took a "risk" once and it failed. You're taking another risk on the same girl. You say so confidently, "once the issues are resolved, we can have a good relationship", remember you can't speak for her. This is what you want. You don't even know what she wants. You seem so confident that you will be getting back with her. Let's say she wants to get back, understand that she can convince you that the problems are gone. It's not a guarantee that they're non-existent. She is who she is. Don't bank on change. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Graceful, so you are saying that the next relationship I am in will not result in the girl walking out on me because you are comparing the chances of it happening to winning a million dollars in the lottery. That makes a lot of sense. With no emoticon, I honestly don't know where you're coming from here, Super. But I hope you saw what I said as just poking a bit of fun, and no mean intent. If it makes sense to you, then I'm glad, b/c it made sense to me, too. I don't mean to harsh on you, just trying to inject a dose of reality like everyone else. We want what's best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 You can do better. :bunny: Perhaps I can ... (and thanks for the vote of confidence!) I might be the only person who got to smile around here today, Ajax, so thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 If I didnt think everyone here had useful advice, I wouldnt be posting. Believe it or not, all the advice that I am given does influence my decision making. I realize that the relationship I had with my ex is over. However, I dont want to burn a bridge as far as there being a chance to have a relationship with her in the future. And I really just wanted to know what my best course of action would be to keep the door open for her to possibly return some day. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 If I didnt think everyone here had useful advice, I wouldnt be posting. Believe it or not, all the advice that I am given does influence my decision making. I realize that the relationship I had with my ex is over. However, I dont want to burn a bridge as far as there being a chance to have a relationship with her in the future. And I really just wanted to know what my best course of action would be to keep the door open for her to possibly return some day. best advice I can give you is go NC, heal, work on yourself, and try new things. if she does come back you will be a better person with more experiences to share with her, or you might decide that you don't want another relationship with her. by doing this you can't burn a bridge at having another chance, the only way you could burn the bridge is if you stay in contact and mess up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 (edited) If I didnt think everyone here had useful advice, I wouldnt be posting. Believe it or not, all the advice that I am given does influence my decision making. I realize that the relationship I had with my ex is over. However, I dont want to burn a bridge as far as there being a chance to have a relationship with her in the future. And I really just wanted to know what my best course of action would be to keep the door open for her to possibly return some day. You should close the door on any return right now and make no promises for the future. If it is meant to be then it's meant to be. Please Please trust us and tell her that you are going NC for 60 days (indeed I wouldn't even give her a timeline). If she wants you back she should be moving heaven and earth to get you back after these 60 days are over, but now you need space and time to figure all this out. Trust me Super, your not thinking clearly....By holding onto false hope your setting yourself up for even more heartbreak in future. Right now you need to stop dreaming of a future reconcilation. You should be telling yourself it's over and that she is never coming back (because this is the likelihood). The biggest mistakes people make in relationships is when things are going badly wrong, that all we need to do is overcome this and we will be good again. That is rarely the case. When things go as wrong as they have for you, there are even more problems waiting beyond the horizion. Superchiefs if you don't change your thinking you are headed for a world of pain. We all see it, the one person who can't is you.. Edited June 23, 2011 by Mack05 Link to post Share on other sites
lalalandman Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 SuperChief, I don't even know you, and I really don't want to see you get burned. But I feel like you're just setting yourself up for it. Everyone here is going through what you are or has been through it. Heed their advice dude. Please Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy1984 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 buddy listen to people here. Ive been here for awhile and thought maybe peoples advice was one size fits all or maybe not related to me but I was wrong and they were right. dont be the fly flying towards the light....you will get burned no matter how good it looks. My ex of 6yrs doesnt hate me, never blocked me, still says she loves me and even told my sister she thinks we will end up together and during the break up said maybe we can start over someday. I banked on that and held onto hope just like you. 3 months later I tested the waters and broke NC and got stupid reasons why breaking up was a good idea. It was like I got broken up with again. Im still hurt. I dont want that to be you. You should want more than anything to get over this than get her back. When you get over it you can be open to better people, and better things and feel better. I wanted her to come back and still do but I know taking her back is a bad Idea, and so do you. Go NC until you can sync your mind and heart. Right now your heart is with her and your mind is trying to protect you. Its not easy. I broke NC after 3 months and back on NC now but feel set back. We are all right there with you buddy just love yourself. Now is the time for you. Link to post Share on other sites
eddysv Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 So my fiance broke up with me 2 months ago. I keep cutting off contact with her, but then whenever she sends me a message, I keep responding. The last message she sent me was this past Sunday after 11 straight days of no contact and she told me she missed my friendship and she missed me as someone to talk to. I ended up responding back, and before I knew it, we had a 2.5 hour conversation. She indicated she was hanging out with another guy but he wasnt her boyfriend. However, she specifically told me that she did love me and she still does love me, but she just wasnt ready for marriage and wasnt ready to back things up at the time that she broke things off with me. I didnt ask her anything about getting back together. She ended the conversation with me by saying she thinks it was a mistake contacting me and that she needed to go to bed. So now I have gone a little over 3 days with no contact with her again. For whatever reason, I still want to be with her. So what should I do? Yea to me it sounds like she's trying to get in your head and keep you in the palm of her hand.... Like others have advised you already..I would go no contact with her and anytime she texts you...reply with something like... "I'm heading off to [whatever you will be doing]. I'll get back to you later." and always seem to busy to talk to her and this will reverse the tables and put you in control...after the girl sees you are "better off" than her she will most definitely want to come back with you.... The hard part is actually following through and not contacting her and start doing fun, interesting stuff in your life and take the opportunity to better yourself... Let me know what you think ok? Your friend, EddysV Link to post Share on other sites
TheHurtProcess Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Cut off all contact until you heal. From what I'm reading she is stringing you along and making sure she has you just incase she wants you at some point. I agree. Just sever all contact and if she tries contacting you again, don't respond. She's just trying to feed her ego. When you respond, she knows that she still has you wrapped around her little pinky. Once she realizes this, she knows that she can blow you off and say that "It was a mistake contacting you" and return whenever she wants knowing that you are going to be there to walk all over. Don't give her the satisfaction. Kill her ego once and for all, where it stands the next time by not saying anything in return. Say nothing and move on from there. You're not going to get her back. It's over. I'm just being brutally honest for your own good bud. Trust me. I was in the same position not too long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 Just wanted to give everyone an update. I have remained in no contact with my ex since June 19th. I have been going on a lot of dates and meeting new people, and I am happy to say that on June 24th I met someone that I felt a strong connection with. I have since seen this girl several times and have begun to establish a relationship with her. My ex has rarely crossed my mind since. Thanks again for everyone's support on this site. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Yay!!! I'm happy for you Super! One door closes and another opens. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Super I am happy for you mate, I would just urge on the side of caution. You posted this thread on the 23rd of June and one day later you meet a girl you have a strong connection with. Take your time mate that's all I am saying.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author superchiefs Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Super I am happy for you mate, I would just urge on the side of caution. You posted this thread on the 23rd of June and one day later you meet a girl you have a strong connection with. Take your time mate that's all I am saying.. Yeah, I know what you are saying. I was going out with all sorts of different girls, I was batting 1000 as far as all of the girls thanking me and saying they were interested in 2nd dates, however, I wasnt feeling a connection with any of them until I met this one. While I was going out with these other girls and finding myself not romantically attracted to them, I found myself holding out hope for reconcilliation with my ex. However, now that I have connected with this girl, I have absolutely no desire to ever see my ex again. It has now been over 2 weeks since I last any contact with my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
TheHurtProcess Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Yeah, I know what you are saying. I was going out with all sorts of different girls, I was batting 1000 as far as all of the girls thanking me and saying they were interested in 2nd dates, however, I wasnt feeling a connection with any of them until I met this one. While I was going out with these other girls and finding myself not romantically attracted to them, I found myself holding out hope for reconcilliation with my ex. However, now that I have connected with this girl, I have absolutely no desire to ever see my ex again. It has now been over 2 weeks since I last any contact with my ex. Nicely done bro! Keep up the good work. Forget about your ex. You've got a life of your own to live now and I tink you're starting to realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
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