She's marrying him...

[mikeymad]

Many of you weren't around in dec 2009 when I first posted here. So fast forward 1 year past divorce (may 2011). Find out she just got engaged to the guy she started to get to know when we were together, cheated on me with (to what degree I don't know), supposedly wrote a letter saying they could never speak, and went back to him. I know she supposedly thinks she's found the "perfect" life. Low stress, he has money (I started a business as we started our marriage, so money was tight), and has fed into her ego since they day they met.

I feel a lot of things right now. Anger, jealousy, resentment, longing just to name a few. Why that guy, wasn't I good enough? I know it wasn't easy, but why give up and move on so quickly? I found our old wedding pictures this past weekend as I was moving, and my wedding ring as well. I'm having a hard time not acting emotionally, and sending her a letter, or just a blank envelope with my old ring in it. A reminder of her past and what she did. I know it's petty, but she felt the need to contact my current gf to "warn her" about me, just about the same time she was engaged. Not cool. But i tried to be the better person and let it go, but I can't. Part of me still loves her and wonders what if. I know being vindictive has karmic consequences, but I think part of me doesn't want her to be happy, or at least with someone else. Part of me knew it might come, and I feel emotionally blunted to the fact, with the few leaks in the dam. I wonder what's wrong with me as I have serious commitment issues, and am very cynical about "love" or promises, which is sad because my current gf has told me she loves me, but i'm not sure what love is anymore...

just needed to vent. any input is appreciated. thank you.

[Kasan]

Many of you weren't around in dec 2009 when I first posted here. So fast forward 1 year past divorce (may 2011). Find out she just got engaged to the guy she started to get to know when we were together, cheated on me with (to what degree I don't know), supposedly wrote a letter saying they could never speak, and went back to him. I know she supposedly thinks she's found the "perfect" life. Low stress, he has money (I started a business as we started our marriage, so money was tight), and has fed into her ego since they day they met.

I feel a lot of things right now. Anger, jealousy, resentment, longing just to name a few. Why that guy, wasn't I good enough? I know it wasn't easy, but why give up and move on so quickly? I found our old wedding pictures this past weekend as I was moving, and my wedding ring as well. I'm having a hard time not acting emotionally, and sending her a letter, or just a blank envelope with my old ring in it. A reminder of her past and what she did. I know it's petty, but she felt the need to contact my current gf to "warn her" about me, just about the same time she was engaged. Not cool. But i tried to be the better person and let it go, but I can't. Part of me still loves her and wonders what if. I know being vindictive has karmic consequences, but I think part of me doesn't want her to be happy, or at least with someone else. Part of me knew it might come, and I feel emotionally blunted to the fact, with the few leaks in the dam. I wonder what's wrong with me as I have serious commitment issues, and am very cynical about "love" or promises, which is sad because my current gf has told me she loves me, but i'm not sure what love is anymore...

just needed to vent. any input is appreciated. thank you.

 

I remember you very well.

 

Maybe it's as simple as this--

 

Your ex isn't the kind of woman who will stand with you (or her current) when life and a marriage get really tough. For her it's easier to leave in her never ending search for a low-stress "perfect" life - which you and I know doesn't exist.

 

And, maybe you aren't ready to be in another long-term relationship right now?

[nikkinicole36]

Nothing is ever what it looks like. I had an ex who I was with for 3 years. I couldn't get that man to committment to me even if I'd had of hot glued his ass to the floor in our apartment. He has since gone on to meet and get engaged to someone who he had only been dating for 6 months, whom he only saw on the weekends. Does that really sound like a true foundation for a marriage and love? Probably not. It really has nothing to do with you but more to do with what they think the want at the moment. Eventually when reality seeps in and she realizes that all relationships and marriages are hard work she'll probably bail on this guy too. Who knows. The point is to be so busy and preoccuppied with your own life that you don't have time to figure out when or if her relationship is going to implode on itself. History doesn't lie though. If she was that way with you, unless she's undergone some life altering change she'll be the same with him.

[PelicanPete]

Many of you weren't around in dec 2009 when I first posted here. So fast forward 1 year past divorce (may 2011). Find out she just got engaged to the guy she started to get to know when we were together, cheated on me with (to what degree I don't know), supposedly wrote a letter saying they could never speak, and went back to him. I know she supposedly thinks she's found the "perfect" life. Low stress, he has money (I started a business as we started our marriage, so money was tight), and has fed into her ego since they day they met.

I feel a lot of things right now. Anger, jealousy, resentment, longing just to name a few. Why that guy, wasn't I good enough? I know it wasn't easy, but why give up and move on so quickly? I found our old wedding pictures this past weekend as I was moving, and my wedding ring as well. I'm having a hard time not acting emotionally, and sending her a letter, or just a blank envelope with my old ring in it. A reminder of her past and what she did. I know it's petty, but she felt the need to contact my current gf to "warn her" about me, just about the same time she was engaged. Not cool. But i tried to be the better person and let it go, but I can't. Part of me still loves her and wonders what if. I know being vindictive has karmic consequences, but I think part of me doesn't want her to be happy, or at least with someone else. Part of me knew it might come, and I feel emotionally blunted to the fact, with the few leaks in the dam. I wonder what's wrong with me as I have serious commitment issues, and am very cynical about "love" or promises, which is sad because my current gf has told me she loves me, but i'm not sure what love is anymore...

just needed to vent. any input is appreciated. thank you.

 

 

Similar story to mine Mikey, except we weren't married and she married him 4 months after she cheated on me. Probably a bit younger than you as well.

 

I can tell you just by reading what she has done shows she isn't happy. Would a person that was really happy with themselves have the need to "warn" your current gf about you just to try and cause you problems? No, especially when she is getting engaged. Wouldn't her ex husbands relationship be the last thing on her mind during that time period?

 

If anything I would feel sorry for the new guy in her life, but I guess he gets what he paid for. Common sense tells most people to never start a relationship with a person who is cheating on their current partner, but there are a lot of stupid people in the world. That's only the tip of the iceberg though, because chances are she hasn't grown for the better from her previous marriage on account of her current actions. Then again, why would she feel the need to? She obviously believes the whole relationship was your fault, and that you were the puppeteer of how the entire relationship went. Maybe she believes its your fault she cheated on you as well, thats what my ex still thinks at least. She obviously still has a victim mentality, and victims always stay victims. Victims don't grow, and they will never be happy as long as they stay one. Sure her surroundings and situation may have changed and that can influence change, but on the inside she is still the same person with the same flaws as when you were with her. You can put a tombstone in a gloomy dark swamp, or on a cliff overlooking the ocean with a crimson sunset, but that doesn't change what it is.

 

Don't compare yourself to the other guy because you'll never be satisfied. Its apples to oranges, you're both two completely different people which may be the only reason why she cheated. You can best him in every way possible, but the only thing he's got on you is that he's a different person which is probably what she was looking for - a reset button. As what was said by nikki she may be looking for the low stress life, and flakes out on the difficult times. If that's the case the new guys in for a rude awakening. Time is his enemy and its inching closer by the second.

 

Realize that you're better off without your ex wife. You have a new girlfriend that says she loves you, so respect her feelings and do your best to let go of your past relationship to give her a fair opportunity. Love is what you make it, so make it something positive. Treat the past as such, and enjoy your time in the present. The best way to be happy is to live in the moment.

[reboot]

I remember you well mikey. I'm sorry how things turned out for you, but keep your chin up, things will get better.