sadden by reality

[IfiKnewThen]

I've got rid of the non descript or random pictures of my ex but I've kept the ones of us at friend's parties, days out and on holidays. Those pictures are part of what made me who I am. They're part of my past. I lived that moment, whether it was me holding the camera or me in the picture, I was there... and... by the nature of the relationship, so was she. Sure, looking at them hurts, but by destroying evidence of her, I am, in some ways, destroying evidence of me and I just can't bring myself to do that. The way I get around it is to simply not look. I keep them locked away in the hope that when I'm older, when the memories have begun to fade but the photographs haven't, I can look at them again and remember that glorious holiday to Italy in 2010 or the wonderful occasion of my 25th birthday, instead of all the pain and hurt that I feel now over what could have been.

 

 

wow. renard99 this is exactly how i feel. seeing pictures of someone you were with or loved is a part of your very own life. other half is YOU. i totally agree with that. its seeing them in pictures with someone else, that can tear you up. that's something you cant relate to. and seems foreign and weird. but its also a reality check.

 

mtd4249.

 

i think men, in a sense, are better taught how to shut down --- turn off trigger buttons---- or put things/ or objects behind them, more than female do. we females tend to mull over things more. its like when we go shopping we think and think on how things look and shop around. men just can seem better at going in a store finding something quick and buying it. they dont seem to mull certain things over as much as us females. so it makes sense, that you would want to close the door...get rid of pics, etc. it seems easier for some males to detach more and see pictures as merely objects or paper . so they can discard them easier and not look back. it seems us woman can be more sentimental about pictures etc.

 

as for your sister, i think those pics make her feel stronger because she is looking back at guys she is glad shes not with .......maybe.

 

 

when i say therapeutic, i think some people are good at staring things down in the face and ...well facing things and , it helps them to deal and desensitize themselves a little.

 

others cope better with obliterating as many memories as possible, different things work for different people and different situations and personalities.

 

def. sounds like you werent ready to flip through those pages again and look back on those photo albums. thats why it still hurt so much. and it unearths all the mourning and loss of what was and could have been, all over again. and you sound sensitble so now you say to yourself , why look back. where will it get you? that to me, is a normal and natural reaction. the mourning and the closing the book.

 

and its true that those picture were snapshots in time, but they were also r, like mortar or bricks, as in building something for a "future". so referring to the pictures is like holding pieces of a broken building in your hands. all you feel is the destruction and see a blueprint to something that cant be built anymore.

 

 

but if you look at it another way and say...i went here or there and loved..etc. it becomes meanful instead of just painful. self dialog is so important in getting through. but then again, why have to put yourself through any dialog when youre not ready. why expose yourself to pain? so i see both sides.

 

someday you can look at it and say thats a place i lived once and it was nice....but i have a new home now....

 

new foundation...new beginning. we all have to build a new foundation for ourselves..no doubt.

 

we all just have to get over being home sick now. and they say home is where the heart is. a broken heart needs a new direction. anyway i digress.

 

the moral of the story is......who needs to see them with someone else? why injure your psyche more? if it helps with closure or helps you snap out of the hope or denial youre in , i guess it can be good. but really what is the point in the final analysis? of seeing their life on the internet:o

[mtd4249]

I don't think seeing photos of my ex with someone else would do much good at all, apart from maybe curing my curiosity. In every other way, it would be like driving a knife into my heart and twisting it! Are you feeling like you have cured your curiosity or you are even more curious about your ex's life with his new partner and that increaed curiosity is causing you more mental anguish, if that makes sense?

 

For me, right now, the photos my ex and I gathered over 16 years together is (as you say) like holding the rubble in my hands ... and, over those years we travelled to a LOT of places so we're talking about many, many albums! I guess by clearing the ground of the rubble, I'm creating a new area to start again .... but, I also realize I'm erasing some of the past of which I was a part. I've found that this is how I deal with loss when I've been wronged and hurt deeply .... before the recently-ended 16 year relationship, I had a 7 year relationship (which ended when the girl cheated on me -- I don't have much luck, huh!!!). On that occasion, I put the photos in a box and tied that box with cord - the reason for the cord was to make me think twice about looking at them if my curiosity got the better of me, to give me the last chance to weigh up if I want to cure my curiosity and risk reopening the heartache or not. I never once opened that box of photos and, in the end (after starting the relationship with the girl I was with for 16 years), I eventually threw them out.

Anyway, enough about me!!

[IfiKnewThen]

again, i think men might be better at that then females. i dont meant to sound like i am putting men in a melting pot at all. just overall seem better at not looking at things or looking back. i am not so myopic to think women look back either...some dont, i realize that. i always had touble with letting things go, in general. i think i still have some clothes from high school. i am sentimental.

anyway to clear the air with , "the past". i mean we can thow things away and all of that are good steps, but the last thing we want is a prior relationship bleeding over into the next in other ways. like bringing unresolved issues into a new relationship. so healing is so essential.

 

btw 16 years in a long time.

 

to answer your question, yes, my curiosity is satisfied. but i didnt need to know more when it was all said and done. but i am glad, i am not wondering anymore...if that makes any sense. and youre right , in every other way it was like driving a knife in my heart and twisting it. i am getting over the whole thing though.. it was a setback though. so onward and forward.

[IfiKnewThen]

and btw, dont worry about talking about you. i rather talk about anything but me . believe me. i just needed to vent about seeing them in the picture. i realized i got set back and needed to do the things that got me on track to healing in the first place. so i figured write on LS and keep moving forward like before. it has helped and i think i had really nice, compassionate people respond. such as yourself. thank you kindly.

[0hpenelope]

i think men, in a sense, are better taught how to shut down --- turn off trigger buttons---- or put things/ or objects behind them, more than female do. we females tend to mull over things more. its like when we go shopping we think and think on how things look and shop around. men just can seem better at going in a store finding something quick and buying it. they dont seem to mull certain things over as much as us females. so it makes sense, that you would want to close the door...get rid of pics, etc. it seems easier for some males to detach more and see pictures as merely objects or paper . so they can discard them easier and not look back. it seems us woman can be more sentimental about pictures etc.

 

It does seem like a lot of girls do that, huh? That's why I dislike shopping with my girlfriends sometimes: they take forever, gah! Very frustrating!! For myself, I avoid shopping malls altogether until I really need to buy something. I go in there, I get my item, and I walk out right away. Crowded malls are not the business. Anyway, not making light of your situation, IfIKnewThen. I thought I'd contribute something a little lighthearted.

 

I have to say I'm an exception to that general female behavior: when a guy dumps me, I believe him that it's "forever" and I get to the clean up part right quick. Within 24 hours of the break up, I deleted all photos of him, all videos I took, all of his presents dumped in the garbage, recycled, and re-gifted. I can detach from the physical stuff very easily because I know, for me, it's about what's in my head. I try to empathize with girlfriends when they hang on to stuff from ex-boyfriends, but I'm very encouraging when they finally start asking themselves if they should throw and delete pics and throw away the ex stuff. It's a signal for me that they're ready for a different approach, so I introduce them to the possibility that, even if they let go of the material connections with the ex, the bigger stuff that they'll have to confront sooner or later are their memories and feelings. That internal stuff sticks for far too long than most of us want it to, unfortunately.

 

How are you feeling today? It sounds like you made progress!

Edited June 28, 2011 by 0hpenelope

[mtd4249]

It may seem somewhat ambivalent to say I'm very sentimental given my tendency to throw away photos at the end of a relationship ..... I don't know how I would be if I ended a substantive relationship or was the person who did something wrong that ended a relationship - maybe my sentimentality would kick in. I think in my two experiences, the relationships ended without me seeing it coming and when something was done wrong by me - it seems to me a logical connection between not being able to salvage the relationship and no point holding onto all those momentos that were part of the relationship. I can honestly say I don't want to find out if my sentimentality kicks if my next relationship ends under different circumstances to my last two long-term relationships ... I'm hoping the next one will see me through to the grave!! LOL

Yeah, you're right .... 16 years is a LONG time ... about a fifth of my entire life --- in my mind, she was my partner and best friend, I intended to be loyal and committed for the rest of my life ... *shrugs* oh well, I'm "only" 41 so still time to give that commitment to someone else who might appreciate it

It sounds like you're doing better than when you first posted .... do you feel like that?

Keep in touch .... our situations are different but similar and probably in two different parts of the world!!!

Take care

[IfiKnewThen]

It may seem somewhat ambivalent to say I'm very sentimental given my tendency to throw away photos at the end of a relationship ..... I don't know how I would be if I ended a substantive relationship or was the person who did something wrong that ended a relationship - maybe my sentimentality would kick in. I think in my two experiences, the relationships ended without me seeing it coming and when something was done wrong by me - it seems to me a logical connection between not being able to salvage the relationship and no point holding onto all those momentos that were part of the relationship. I can honestly say I don't want to find out if my sentimentality kicks if my next relationship ends under different circumstances to my last two long-term relationships ... I'm hoping the next one will see me through to the grave!! LOL

Yeah, you're right .... 16 years is a LONG time ... about a fifth of my entire life --- in my mind, she was my partner and best friend, I intended to be loyal and committed for the rest of my life ... *shrugs* oh well, I'm "only" 41 so still time to give that commitment to someone else who might appreciate it

It sounds like you're doing better than when you first posted .... do you feel like that?

Keep in touch .... our situations are different but similar and probably in two different parts of the world!!!

Take care

 

 

sorry took so long to get back. yes it would be nice to the grave. thats how i was brought up . i wish i didnt make all the mistakes i made. ok i am digressing. 41 is young. and i am sure you have learned quite a bit. even if you have the hard way.

 

i do feel somewhat better than when i first posted. but i have a lot of healing to do and a lot of healing in other areas of my life to mend. like i said, i have made lots of mistakes for the past few years.

 

you seem like a very nice person and i just get a feeling on this...life WILL get better for you and you WILL find that right person and they will find you. so hard to think about all that when youre grieving. but it will happen God willing at least one more time again in your life. you just have to get through this. and i dont mean to say just. this IS a big deal!

 

there does seem to be a lot of people on here from the UK. are you on that side of the world? i live in the usa. i hope youre doing better and feeling better yourself. at least one day at a time.

[IfiKnewThen]

It does seem like a lot of girls do that, huh? That's why I dislike shopping with my girlfriends sometimes: they take forever, gah! Very frustrating!! For myself, I avoid shopping malls altogether until I really need to buy something. I go in there, I get my item, and I walk out right away. Crowded malls are not the business. Anyway, not making light of your situation, IfIKnewThen. I thought I'd contribute something a little lighthearted.

 

I have to say I'm an exception to that general female behavior: when a guy dumps me, I believe him that it's "forever" and I get to the clean up part right quick. Within 24 hours of the break up, I deleted all photos of him, all videos I took, all of his presents dumped in the garbage, recycled, and re-gifted. I can detach from the physical stuff very easily because I know, for me, it's about what's in my head. I try to empathize with girlfriends when they hang on to stuff from ex-boyfriends, but I'm very encouraging when they finally start asking themselves if they should throw and delete pics and throw away the ex stuff. It's a signal for me that they're ready for a different approach, so I introduce them to the possibility that, even if they let go of the material connections with the ex, the bigger stuff that they'll have to confront sooner or later are their memories and feelings. That internal stuff sticks for far too long than most of us want it to, unfortunately.

 

How are you feeling today? It sounds like you made progress!

 

 

thank u for writing. you sound so strong and so smart. actually you sound like my daughter. she had a very hard break up last year and she boxed all his things up and never looked at them again. she didnt throw them out. but i admire how she didnt look back. but she has to drive through the old neighborhood where he lived and she get so sad ...and cries.

 

i keep telling her not to bottle up and bury her feelings so much. and that is finally gushes out when she sees something that reminds her. but that its ok to grieve and deal with it once in a while. its true that the internal stuff sticks longer.

 

but its so true why bother looking at the tangible things while the wound is STILL open? so you have a very good philosophy and coping method.

 

sometimes i think i try too hard and looking at things. but now i am realizing all thats doing is making me live with a feeling of "the past", thats not really there anymore. i didnt mean to stereotype males and females. what it really comes down to is what works for you or what can you handle. male and female alike. and if you arent ready for old memories..then do go there....thats for sure. i am not ready. and what is worse is to look at their new lives. so its NOT at all good to look at facebook and all this stuff today. why go through an added emotion, you dont have to go through? right? i just wish i didnt allow curiosity to get the best of me. i always do that .

Edited June 30, 2011 by IfiKnewThen

[amethyste]

"If you snoop around long enough for something in particular you're guaranteed to find it (for better or worse that's how I learned it's best to just keep some things private)." - These are some lyrics from a song that keep popping up in my mind. I don't know what's worse... the fact that those things exist in reality, snooping, finding out... I don't know...

[Duckduckgoose]

What I'm wondering is why did this guy find it so necessary to post a frame by frame of himself proposing to a woman? Narcissistic much?

[mtd4249]

IfiKnewThen .... thanks for the warm thoughts. They do say third time is a charm, right?!? Surely, I can't be so unlucky to strike out again LOL .... I've sometimes thought to myself, I could have done the wrong thing to my ex (and my ex ex) and the relationship would have ended up in exactly the same position, but I always come to the conclusion that I have no guilt, a clear conscience, and I will be exactly the same person for the next person and hope for the best.

I guess 41 is still reasonably young but occasionally I consider the fact that to get back to the same level of understanding, same level of comfort etc. with someone new it will be 16 years from now .... hmmm, my other ambition within that time is to retire early!! LOL

I'm neither in the US or the UK ... I'm Down Under in Australia .... there might be a few more Australians on this forum soon - I'm finding out so many people I know are going through breakups at the moment. It's a pandemic!!!

[0hpenelope]

thank u for writing. you sound so strong and so smart. actually you sound like my daughter. she had a very hard break up last year and she boxed all his things up and never looked at them again. she didnt throw them out. but i admire how she didnt look back. but she has to drive through the old neighborhood where he lived and she get so sad ...and cries.

 

i keep telling her not to bottle up and bury her feelings so much. and that is finally gushes out when she sees something that reminds her. but that its ok to grieve and deal with it once in a while. its true that the internal stuff sticks longer.

 

but its so true why bother looking at the tangible things while the wound is STILL open? so you have a very good philosophy and coping method.

 

Sometimes I'm not so sure, IfIKnewThen. But I guess it's okay that I still get sad from time to time and I'm really happy to see you being supportive of your daughter expressing her grief openly. My mom's lucked out in that she never had to go through a break up: met my dad and has been w/ him since. And I haven't been really able to talk to her because she comes from a different perspective when it comes to dealing with heartbreak. So I've really ended up talking to my dad and my counselor at school.

 

My mom does encourage resilience so I have a balance of both emotional and pragmatic, I think. But when I cry, I don't really feel strong because I wish I weren't crying about him and about the friendships that the break up changed. I'm not sure if I'm just being impatient with myself - because recovering does take time - but I really wish I were just over things, too. I wish I wasn't as sad. As I've said before, when we miss our exes and whatnot, it doesn't mean we're not moving on. It just happens.

 

I really wish my recovery were "faster." I'm so glad for outlets like LS because across the board, everyone going through heartbreak has similarities with each other. Most days are good days where I'm happy about myself and indifferent to him, but I really dislike the few bad days where I think something's wrong with me (that's why he left) and I miss him. I mean, who likes bad days, right?

 

sometimes i think i try too hard and looking at things. but now i am realizing all thats doing is making me live with a feeling of "the past", thats not really there anymore. i didnt mean to stereotype males and females. what it really comes down to is what works for you or what can you handle. male and female alike. and if you arent ready for old memories..then do go there....thats for sure. i am not ready. and what is worse is to look at their new lives. so its NOT at all good to look at facebook and all this stuff today. why go through an added emotion, you dont have to go through? right? i just wish i didnt allow curiosity to get the best of me. i always do that .

 

I think it's normal too, though. One of the ways that I used, no matter how hurtful it was for me, is to really remember the photos of him and his ex being a couple and being together. You know... doing so hurts a lot, but I was at the stage where I could handle "flaying" myself. I did that in order to adjust to that future of him either going back to her or going with one of his many female friends or going with another girl. It's going to happen one of these days. See where my head's at? I think of him with other girls, but not with me. It's so hurtful, but my mindset is adjusting to that. When I do this exercise, sometimes it hits hard because of my mood of the day. Sometimes I don't do the exercise at all.

 

I don't just think of his side, I think of my side too. Always, always I'll tell myself "You'll find someone else. You will." It's never just perpetuating the "Waaah he left me and he'll be with someone else" perspective, it's also getting me to believe that I will overcome it. This exercise - where I talk to myself about good and positive things - I always do, especially when I'm having a bad day.

 

I never judge the people who use living in the past as a temporary crutch. It's ideal to not use that, but sometimes that's they way they cope with things. I just hope you'll be kind to yourself because I think you're coping well, too. If you weren't, your reaction would be totally different - you know, throwing the monitor at the first sight of that blasted photo of your ex and his new wife, punching through the screen, or worse, stalking the newlyweds. But people who do that, that's their way of coping too; it's just that those methods get more regret upon later reflection, which is why a lot of us try to advocate not doing anything at all with the ex (NC).

 

Some have to get the lessons the hard way, I guess, but for you, not this time around. Because you're stronger and wiser. You're in pain, but you're not a fool anymore to heartbreak, not just going by how you're feeling. When we go just by our feelings, that makes us impulsive and reckless, so we need some brain to mix in there too, right?

 

I have a lot of respect for you, IfIKnewThen. I will call you Momma from now on, if you don't mind.

[amethyste]

@ mtd4249 - I used to feel guilty for having a clear conscience; I was constantly thinking "what if it was my fault? what if I have done something wrong?" But whenever I lay aside my feelings, and look at the facts, I see that I've done my best for everything to work out; I haven't changed; I was constant; my opinions & intentions were always the same, and they were never hidden. And IF I've done something wrong, nobody pointed it out, nobody corrected me, nobody told me to stop...

This is just a vent, but the funny things is that between me and my (last) ex, he seems the wise, mature & calm one, while I don't think I seem that way. BUT you can not even imagine how many times he has changed his mind & how many times he contradicted himself, while I never did that...

@ 0hpenelope - stalking the newlyweds you say? Do you know Maryann Thorpe from Cybill? *laughs some more* that woman!

[mtd4249]

amthyste -- I've sometimes thought (with regret) that had my ex stayed consistent in her thoughts, values and goals -- had she not suddenly gone off the rails -- we really did have life well mapped out. I know I would never have changed my mind, I was committed to her for the rest of my life .... sure, her and life wasn't perfect, but I'm realistic enough to know that no one and no relationship is perfect. I wasn't going to ruin things because the grass seemed greener elsewhere and I wasn't silly enough to think that leaving a relationship with long-term solid foundations in pursuit of pure happiness was a good choice.

You know, all I want is a simple life -- the share life with one woman, to enjoy the goodtimes and overcome the hard times and grow old together! Is that so much to ask for?!?

After my first 7 year relationship ended when she cheated on me, I thought to myself that after getting to 10+ years with my ex that she would never do the wrong thing to me. The very worst case scenario I envisaged was if an issue came up, we would argue and maybe be in a pergatory period where we try to make the relationship work .... I NEVER thought she would without warning abandon me. I thought my ex would only walk out on me if I did something wrong -- I never did but she still walked out.

Sure there were things I could have done better in the relationship after 16 years but this room for improvement wasn't sufficient reason to abandon me -- what happened to a woman who values a guy who is committed, honest, loyal and faithful?

Ohpenelope & IfiKnewThen ---- how are you both doing today?

[amethyste]

I keep reading stories like this - when one of the partners leaves after 10+ years, mostly out of the blue. No warning, nothing. This is domestic piracy... and it's scary. I'm pretty sure something goes through their mind, but I can't understand why they won't talk about it.

[mtd4249]

amethyste -- I agree that it's scary someone can just walk out, no signs, apparently no second thoughts, and no real reasons. For me, the shock of it all only served to compound the heartache that ordinarily comes with a breakup. Of course, after 16 years with her, I had built my entire life around her --- she was my partner and best friend. We moved to a city away from my family and friends about 5 years ago to secure a job for me so we could eventually start a family, and my focus was her and us - so I never really developed a social network here. It's now about 6 months after she walked out and went back to the city where she has family and friends, and I've just started to realize how alone I am in this city ... the coming home to an empty house, eating dinner alone etc. only serves to rub salt into an open wound ...... anyway, enough about me in this thread!!

[IfiKnewThen]

openelope- thank u for the time , effort and caring u put into each post. i appreciate it.

 

your mom was wise to encourage resilience. you need that in this world. its that moxy that will get you through and keep you going. hold on to that. it is dear and necessary to have that inner strength. but its ok to be sensitive too. thats the part that keeps us grounded and compassionate to others. just give that compassion to yourself as well. its so great you have your dad and counselor to turn to also . talking things out, working things, out helps. you have to discharge the bad feelings that come up. life is about balance. its ok to cry too. like i always say God gave us tears for a reason. and i do believe those who mourn will be comforted..as well.

 

and it's just like it says in this book i read, you have to go through all the phases of healing when you loved and lost.... grief , hope, etc. each of those feelings kinda helps override the other. its coming in and out of each of them and riding out , that will get you to the other side.

 

and youre so wise when you say, misses your ex does NOT mean you're NOt moving on. you are. its just natural that it will surface from time to time (missing a love one) or all the time in some cases, depending on the circumstances.....really....like you said, these things DO take time. and some feelings may never completely go away but can fade to acceptance and be put in some better place and perspective. but that doesnt mean you cant have a joyful life again. you have to go gentle on yourself, when you feel these feelings. i know you want them out of the way fast. everyone wants top fully get on with their lives and not carry the hurt feelings...and grieving. it is scary to feel this void or hole in your life and heart. but it can be filled again and joy return. but proper healing does take time. before you know it you WILL feel better and it will stick!

 

 

and when you said you feel like something is wrong with you , that is natural too. such a common feeling when youre the person who was left. or the person didnt bother to put in the effort. we ask ourselves why arent we worth it or valued? but you ARE worth it and are valued.

 

and i can understand how you want to be just be over it. who wouldnt? its such a weight. love is light and joyful, but because it is an action word it means sacrifice too ...and love is also work and not always light and joyful. but the absence of love, after having it; and the hope of that love offered when gone....is a weight and hole in the heart and senses. but you have to balance it out because, being with the wrong person, or circumstances...is no good also. and if he left you, it wasnt good. he couldnt commit or love as much as you did. he's still not your match. youre a good person and you will find your match again. i believe some people fit us, at different periods of our lives , but not at others periods of our lives. and if you cant work it out then,....he not really your fit now or wasnt a fit for life like he should have been. ok sorry for rambling and digressing.

 

 

also, i can tell you have really good survival skills and will rise above this. the way you mentally see him with his ex or other girls. thats your mind really trying to accept the finality of it and survive. even if you have to interject these images to do so. those are good survive skills. thats when you cut the hope of the two of you. hope has its place in healing but you have to balance it with the reality of the finality of it too. i think, the mind is like on search mode. because it thought one way and now has to rethink things again. it once saw you together. now you are making yourself she him with someone else. you are retraining the brain and i think its smart and healthy. the mind cant always do a 360 turnaround. so it goes through all the scenarios and the heart begins to accept different ones, as well. and when the conscious mind, heart and subconscious mind are all in one democratic agreement, i think that is acceptance...and some form of peace is found. but it all takes time . and all in the back of our minds is logic knawing at us. and it tells us , we dont want to feel this way. we dont want to feel bad. we want to feel good and alive again and at peace again. and this logic drives us towards finding that peace and treating ourselves better. you sound like you have good tactics and good survival skills. that and time will heal your heart. and i firmly believe in prayer too.

 

 

also you have deep empathy for others. i do appreciate your advise and insight...and it always has empathy for the other person. seeing all sides of things. that is a good trait in you, and your ex is missing out on all of these things. think of all hes missing! and thats what someone else good will get someday : ). lucky them. believe this about yourself because its true.

 

also quote: Some have to get the lessons the hard way, I guess, but for you, not this time around. Because you're stronger and wiser. You're in pain, but you're not a fool anymore to heartbreak, not just going by how you're feeling. When we go just by our feelings, that makes us impulsive and reckless, so we need some brain to mix in there too, right?

 

this is what i am talking about. you are so smart! youre so right. you cant just act on feelings. it DOESSS makes us IMPULSIVE and RECKLESS. self control and looking before we leap is so important. feelings are one thing but you HAVE to balance them out. sighs....i wish i knew this a long time ago...and exercised more self control. (just thinking aloud here). i would have saved myself and others tons of heartache. this is where my great fault lies. i was impulsive and reckless. long story. anyway, it's great you already really "get" that. your mom can be proud. i know she must have done something right and your dad too. but you also seem to have something innate, inside of you. a good sense about things...and life ans have a sensitivity towards others when you write...and give advice : ).

 

youre an asset on LS. once again, i know you will continue to journey through this healing process and somehow find love again..and just mere joy again . and of course, appreciate the goodness that you are, without him. i am sure he did value you. but underestimated that value. dont you do the same . thanks for trying to help others.

[IfiKnewThen]

ps sorry i went on so much. is 2 am and i see a lot of typos lol. sorry about that.

 

also...amethyste..i never heard that song before. but it makes perfect sense

Duckduckgoose i laughed out loud when i read your little note there. yes frame by frame proposal. but it looks like his new son took the pics of him proposing to his mom so that was kinda cute. but i know it was him who set up the whole website, not this new son.

 

i am actually really happy this boy has a father now and glad he has a full life with his new family. i am unhappy about how i went about everything in my life and i am trying to mend that as best as i can and try to learn to live with the decisions i made and the poor attitude i had while with him. looking back i would have to say i was the one who completely messed up but thats what i live with now. i think when you were the one in the wrong, healing is harder. ..anyway the point is.....if he is narcissistic now, it's because he feels he did good in finding her:o

 

but it did make me ->, when i read what you wrote.

 

he does like pics too.

mtd4249 once again i REALLY do believe you will find that right person and that God willing the third will be a charm and final one. again, i sense a good attitude, and kindness. you were in 2 long term relationships. so you want a lasting relationship obviously. and you have proved you can work at it. just because they are over now, doesn't mean the intention wasn't to have them last forever. some people don't even last and long as you have already with these 2 serious relationships you've had. especially the 16 year one. it is sad but true. so you come from the land downunder, eh?

 

i really do hope you meet someone nice again and who is a better fit. but first things first and healing is going on now...

 

but dont give up hope. its out there for you..

 

one day at a time

[Sugarkane]

What I'm wondering is why did this guy find it so necessary to post a frame by frame of himself proposing to a woman? Narcissistic much?

I have to say I laughed when I read this.

[IfiKnewThen]

I have to say I laughed when I read this.

 

hehe it was pretty funny

[mtd4249]

IfiKnewThen -- sorry it took me a few days to respond on this thread. I went away for a few days to see my family (who happen to be in the same city that my ex went after she left me and where she now lives) ..... and, wow did I have an unexpected and incredible experience. If you're interested, you can read about it on this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t285566/

 

Yeah, I am Down Under .... in Tasmania and it's freezing tonight!! Where are you?

 

Hope you're doing ok.