Whisperinangel Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Okay, I am interested in hearing everyone's opinions, whether positive or negative. I'm aware that some people are totally against cheating and will probably leave very *negative feedback but we are all here at these boards for a reason, and I am okay with that. * Anyhow, here is my situation. I just cheated on my significant other of several years. It's hard to say how many years we have actually been together because our relationship began while he was in prison. He got out and moved in with me at the end of 2005, we had a son in 2008. Our relationship began as friends in 1995 when we were both in previous relationships and did everything as couples. When my husband passed away, he was a lot of support but nothing more. He went to prison a few years later and we kept in touch, one of my closest friends made the comment that we were probably going to be together because we had gone through so much over the years. Needless to say, it happened and I am happy it did.* We had some problems as most relationships do. I even found out that he cheated on me at least twice with two different women. I got past it, figuring it was because of the length of time he was gone.* Now, he is in prison again and has been for the last 2 years. His release date is this November and as you'd expect, he says he is going to change. This is going to be his last chance with me and he knows this. I am giving him this chance because he is a wonderful father and great support when he is home. My daughter from my previous marriage misses him very much and is very excited for him to come home. Remember he has known her since birth pretty much.* Anyhow, I try to be humble, but he is aware of how lucky he has been for me to stand by his side over the years. When I've told him this past time that old friends have stopped by from school, work, etc. Even when I go out with friends, that I have plenty of opportunities, he has told me that it is a good time to evaluate our relationship to see if it is really what I want. I have and it is. So, I don't know why I did this, other than pure lust and desire for what I haven't been given for years. While I feel somewhat guilty (or I wouldn't be here for advice), I don't have any regrets. Is that possible?* The person that I did this with is married yet says he's unhappy. Said it's his first time to do this. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about commitment. He is someone that I went to high school with who I know has been attracted to me since he met me. I've never really been interested in him, but the desire he's held for so long made it an easy choice.* Anyway, what's your opinion?* Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Despite what you have said, perhaps the reason that you do not have any regrets about cheating on your partner is because there is an emotional disconnection between the two of you. As in, he's been in prison for so long, that the "relationship" is a ghost of its former self. Sound about right? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Do you feel that his wife deserved this or it does not bother you at all? I think it is very important to tell your significant other. He deserves to have all of the information to make his choices as well. It is about the two of you and not just about you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyFlame Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 In my opinion, once you found out he cheated on you, you should have ditched him and been strong on your own, or found a strong man to be with you. The cycle that occurs when one cheats, then another cheats, then the other cheats is just a sad existence. There is NO excuse to be unfaithful; if someone cheats on you, you get rid of them. Forget the whole revenge business. The best, honourable person will walk away, knowing they were still the top because they didn't sink to that level. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Okay, I am interested in hearing everyone's opinions, whether positive or negative. I'm aware that some people are totally against cheating and will probably leave very *negative feedback but we are all here at these boards for a reason, and I am okay with that. * Anyhow, here is my situation. I just cheated on my significant other of several years. It's hard to say how many years we have actually been together because our relationship began while he was in prison. He got out and moved in with me at the end of 2005, we had a son in 2008. Our relationship began as friends in 1995 when we were both in previous relationships and did everything as couples. When my husband passed away, he was a lot of support but nothing more. He went to prison a few years later and we kept in touch, one of my closest friends made the comment that we were probably going to be together because we had gone through so much over the years. Needless to say, it happened and I am happy it did.* We had some problems as most relationships do. I even found out that he cheated on me at least twice with two different women. I got past it, figuring it was because of the length of time he was gone.* Now, he is in prison again and has been for the last 2 years. His release date is this November and as you'd expect, he says he is going to change. This is going to be his last chance with me and he knows this. I am giving him this chance because he is a wonderful father and great support when he is home. My daughter from my previous marriage misses him very much and is very excited for him to come home. Remember he has known her since birth pretty much.* Anyhow, I try to be humble, but he is aware of how lucky he has been for me to stand by his side over the years. When I've told him this past time that old friends have stopped by from school, work, etc. Even when I go out with friends, that I have plenty of opportunities, he has told me that it is a good time to evaluate our relationship to see if it is really what I want. I have and it is. So, I don't know why I did this, other than pure lust and desire for what I haven't been given for years. While I feel somewhat guilty (or I wouldn't be here for advice), I don't have any regrets. Is that possible?* The person that I did this with is married yet says he's unhappy. Said it's his first time to do this. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about commitment. He is someone that I went to high school with who I know has been attracted to me since he met me. I've never really been interested in him, but the desire he's held for so long made it an easy choice.* Anyway, what's your opinion?* As someone who spent the better part of a decade incarcerated in Maximum Security I would submit to you that it is a strike against his re-entry into society the second he emerges from behind the wall. Quite honestly the fact is that once you found out he had cheated on you previously you should have left him. While I am sure he is well aware that it is virtually impossible for a S.O. to remain faithful while the other is incarcerated for a long period of time, what I find disturbing is your flippant attitude toward your own actions. That, young lady is a recipe for DISASTER. So now he will be out in November, and while securing employment will be difficult at best for him(recidivism rates are sky high right now) probably the last thing he will need to deal with is the attitude you seem to exhibit (i.e. how lucky he is, etc.) See, prison tends to change people for the worse, especially after multiple trips. I doubt very highly is going to be so grateful to you for giving him such a "gift". His time will be initially consumed with making sure he is getting his ducks in a row at a shot for a future for himself. And your attitude about it will probably give him just another nail in his low self esteem coffin(we all have it when we get out) and may very well contribute to delaying forward progress on his part. So my advice to you is to be completely honest with him BEFORE he is released, and when he gets out to allow him to make his own choices about the future of his own life and his relationship with you. And that will probably mean letting him go. Because it is a complete crap shoot as to how he will emerge,(I was a rare exception in that I was able to completely do a 180 with my life, and please do not assume he will be the same). You are likely to wind up in a very precarious position very soon after his release if you don't. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Hey WA-----do you not care that there was an innocent wife, and children, on the other end of your latest---sexcapade Are you really that naive---that you would believe, a married man, as to why he is straying on his wife---you know he is reeling you in---If you needed physical satisfaction, couldn't you have found it with a single male??????? Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Lordy. Why do women stay with losers who can't act with integrity and honesty and keep having their sorry asses hauled off to jail? And then you keep subjecting your kids to this loser. It's one thing if you want to lower yourself by being with a career criminal (and that's what loser boy is) but it's quite another thing to bring that crap around your kids. You should know better. Personally, I couldn't care less if you cheated on the jail bird. Who gives a crap? I have no respect for someone like him so I don't care what you do to him. Not only is he a career criminal but he's a lying cheat to boot - NO surprise there. And you let this lowlife get away with it - TWICE.' I have to ask - are you really that desperate for a man that you'd allow garbage like him in your life - and your children's lives as well? Honestly, are you? Yes, it was low screwing around with a married man, and you know that. But then again, we all know you don't much sense when it comes to picking men or you wouldn't be with jail boy. Ugh. Good luck to you. You're going to need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Hey WA-----do you not care that there was an innocent wife, and children, on the other end of your latest---sexcapade JNJ, I think she's already proven that she's not capable of making good, sound life choices based on the low-life she keeps bringing around her kids every time his sorry ass is released from jail - AGAIN. You're spitting in the wind. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Hey Blue---you are absolutely right---She obviously thinks very little of herself, to stay with a jailbird, and now she has wrecked another family to add to her list She doesn't seem to know which side is up---that is if she is even here anymore Link to post Share on other sites
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