he calls me to get closure for himself or relieve his guilt..no thanks

[kittycat95]

My ex and I had an epic long, drawn out break up that started about the week after Memorial Day (you can read the original story by searching for my first post under my name). I've flirted shamelessly with NCR, didn't manage to keep it up very long, but this past week contact between us dropped significantly and we just exchanged some "friendly" messages. I sent him a funny video, told him something funny about work, he emailed a picture of himself, etc.

 

Today he emails asking how I am. I say good. He replies, "good."

 

Then he calls me in an hour or so and we're just chatting. Keep in mind we haven't spoken on the phone in a long, long time. The conversation was pretty good, for a while. Then he starts on again about all this old crap all over again about how I didn't make him happy and all my failures, basically. Which started to really irritate me because seriously dude, how can you do that to me? Call me up to get closure for yourself or something? Why would you just keep ripping open my wounds like that, just because I thought I could be civil with you? I'm not his damn sounding board. I was especially irritated because after all this time he still says the same damn stuff over and over and over again without any kind of shift in his perspective. Crap about how I was such a bad girlfriend and we're just incompatible. It really just hurt my stomach and inflamed my rage..

 

So I cut him off after 10-15 minutes and said I didn't feel like being on the phone and said bye, and hung up.

 

Emailed this a few minutes later

 

 

don't call me just to yell at me or say things that are old news. I get it. What's the point of repeating it 20 times. Nothing will change because you don't make any changes. You literally say the same exact things each time. You don't take a different perspective. Kind of tired of it.

 

 

This song really fits my mood right now:

 

I emailed this to him a few minutes later (lyrics from the song):

Who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

 

 

Blah. I shouldn't have picked up the phone at all.

[light_vader]

So.. this is what you get from a so waited phone call?

You see how you're just no letting it go and focusing on yourself.

 

I know, it's damn though. Almost three months later and I JUST started getting over her since last week... now this time for good.

 

Let me ask you something. Do you think you guys can be friends? Is that what you want? What is the point.

I know some people that would slap me in the face for saying that, because "Oh I remain friends with all my exes". Bah... bull****. What is the point? Love is gone, from one side and will be gone from both anyway sometime so why remaining friends? Would you be his crying shoulder? Would you be his confident when he calls to tell you about his new girlfriend and how much he's banging her?

NO.

So, friends for me.. is a no no no.

 

Also, lemme ask you something else. What do you expect sincerely? Do you still have hopes to get back together?

What is the point?

Do you think it will be a new start? That you two are totally different people now? That you will have a splendid life together like in a fairy tale?

NO. It's over.

Shall the two of you get back together the relationship at this point would be no different from what it was...

 

So it's time to pick up the phone... the life phone. And answer the call, telling you to take care of YOURSELF.

To start working on YOU, only YOU.

 

You said in a previous thread;

 

The truth is, saying good bye for me means saying goodbye FOREVER. And I'm too afraid of facing that prospect, of living with the possibility that I made the wrong decision and I will regret it in the future.

 

Are you afraid of ... embracing life?

There is nobody to blame here. You both are guilty, that's it.

Even in my situation where she cheated on me... the guilt is on both, she for doing it and everything else, me for playing the "savior" and not noticing the reg flags planted all over the relationship!!!!

 

So in my opinion there is no wrong choice when a relationship ends. If it did, it was for a reason, even if it was just on one side. Are you willing to come back with someone who already said once "I don't want you in my life"?

 

This is funny. I now sound like a total jerk hehehe... but it's great.. you'll feel it... once you get to the indifference phase and you start working on your life... when you are out of the shame tunnel and finally see the universe is always moving... but you were stuck in a dark place waiting for someone to take you out of your misery.. when in reality.. that someone is YOU, only YOU.

 

Hoping the best for you. And another bunny!

[sedgwick]

I'm curious...why do you write "NCR" instead of "NC"? What does the "R" stand for?

[0hpenelope]

I'm curious...why do you write "NCR" instead of "NC"? What does the "R" stand for?

 

I think OP knows NC as the No Contact Rule.

[kittycat95]

About an hour after my messages, I called him. He picked up right away and sounded really friendly... I started to say "I'm sorry for hanging up" and at the same time he was like, "I'm sorry for saying that stuff..."

 

He then went on to say, I'm NINETY NINE PERCENT certain of this, although I really wouldn't put it past myself to have imagined it, "I can take anything you dish out. I want to be with you."

 

At this point I totally started losing it emotionally, started to cry, and tried to hide it. I was like I don't know if we can speak right now. He said okay, okay, and I was like thanks for the call, bye, and hung up.

 

I'm just so sad and confused. I have been trying to move on. I'm not in denial that it's over. I was for a while but I've really been trying my best to move on. This kind of threw me for an emotional loop.

 

I textd him later that afternoon with a smiley face, and he didn't reply...I just wanted him to not think I was weak and stuff like that.

 

I also had crazy dreams about him all night.