A silly girl and her married boss....

[Alittlebitlost]

I know by coming on here and telling my story I am going to hear things that I won't like...I accept that. What I ask for in return is some real advise, your help, because as my name on here suggest, I am a little bit lost.

 

Eight months ago I started a new job, a job where I travel a lot and often this is with my boss. Let's call him David.

 

David is based in Europe while I am based in the London.

The first time I met David I instantly found him attractive, but didn't think anything of it. Shortly after this first meeting, about 2 weeks into the job the emails became slightly more personal...nothing flirt, just unnecessary chat. I had a feeling he liked me, but it wasn't until my first trip with him it was confirmed.

 

From the very moment we met we hit it off, he was so easy to talk to, funny, smart and just really lovely. As these things always start, we went out for a few drinks with other colleagues but before long we were the last ones standing and we kissed and ended up spending the next two nights together.

 

Now David is married, he has three kids and I know wont leave them and I wouldn't ever expect him too....I felt terrible and vowed it wouldn't happen again.

 

After the trip we got on with business as normal....but every time I got an email from him my heart would miss a beat, my stomach would flip and I started I to realise I was falling for him.

 

As time has gone on, this has got worse....we spent one further night together two months after the first but that where I really said enough is enough. The problem now is I am totally smitten and head over heels with this guy and speaking with him on a daily basis is tearing me apart inside. I know I am a very silly girl and got myself into this situation but I don't know how to get out.

 

I have tried dating other men, drunk more than I should, taken a holiday to get away and reduced contact, to the least possible but I cannot get this guy out of my head. I can't leave my job, that is just ridiculous...but the feels inside are making me feel so alone...I am so sad, and I don't know what to do.

 

Please help me.....I'm so lost and so longing to be loved that although my exterior appears calm and tranquil, inside I feel like I am dying.

 

It is what it is, I know that....but I need it not to be.....I just can't do it any more.

Edited June 23, 2011 by Alittlebitlost

[Lecturer]

Your situation is a difficult one. Your ego will be screaming inside you, wanting badly to win this man. This is probably a big source of the 'falling for him' feelings. You'll idealize him, be blind to any failings. Our egos make us irrational and cause us to lose perspective.

 

You dismiss leaving your job too readily. It should not be out of the question. As long as you are there, interacting with this man, you will have a hard time getting over him.

 

The one classic trick is to fall for someone else. This will obviously mean overcoming your ego's attachment to THIS man (I'm betting other guys aren't seeming that attractive to you lately)... but if you can do it, you'll find feelings for this guy to diminish rapidly.

[Lady vs Panda]

Why is it so ridiculous to consider leaving your job? That's the most obvious and complete answer. You're right, you do kind of sound like a silly little girl when you whine about the situation you created for yourself and then say you can't take the only actual way out because it's too hard.

 

What about a transfer?

 

Anyway, you'll get more help if you post in the OM/OW or Infidelity forums, from people in your situation. And you'll also hear a lot from women who got hurt like the wife you're helping hurt now. Might be good for you to hear the other side since you're only thinking about yourself right now.