welikeincrowds Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Well, honey, the times, they are a-changin'. I didn't approach my guy, btw. He asked me out, and after one date, I knew he wasn't relationship material for me. I asked him very directly if he was interested in FWB. Though at first he said he wanted a lot more than that, now that he's come around, he acts like he just won the jackpot. The only catch is that it's a limited-time arrangement, and when I meet a serious prospect, our sexy times will be over -- for as long as I'm serious with someone. How do you "know" that this is what you want and works for you? The "FWB Question" is something I have yet to figure out for myself, and I've tried. I have never had a "successful" FWB. Either it ends up being that I didn't have enough interest in her in the first place, or, I don't know, I'm just not depraved enough. This may be TMI but I also wonder about "dominance": When I have sex, it's typically a mix of what I'd call "****ing" () and what I'd (prefer never to say out loud, but if forced by gunpoint, would technically) call "making love". Ultimately it's because I tend to frame the whole thing as "intimacy" and it's a yearning to get figuratively and literally closer and deeper into someone. But with a FWB, there's barriers to intimacy on purpose, so the sex doesn't do the same thing and it isn't supposed to. So I wonder: what is it supposed to do? Is it about unlocking some kind of sexual instinct, like a will to dominate? Like tying a girl up and holding her by a leash and ****ing her like an animal? But how can you have purposefully anti-intimate sex that is not also dispassionate? All my attempts have come down to masturbating with a warm body that, when it really comes down to it, I have a base level of respect for, but don't really care about. I think it must be because I was trying to force the wrong "kind" of sex in a situation that couldn't support it. Is any of this making sense? Do normal well-adjusted people not have to worry or care about this ****, and they can just do it no prob? I guess it's one of those things where since I've never had a good one, I don't know even how to think about it, like when someone has never had a good relationship, or a good anything for that matter. All I've had are some pretty fun, but unremarkable ONS experiences that never really carried my attention much farther.
musemaj11 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I guess ruby is right. Its the moral thing to do to to be honest about your motive. I'm just lookin at this from male pov and for men, unless you lie its very difficult to get a woman to have nsa sexual relationship.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 It takes a special kind of woman to be unable to get laid
Ruby Slippers Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) How do you "know" that this is what you want and works for you? welikeincrowds, I know this is what I want because I'm single, undersexed, and think about sex all the time. I have always heard that 34, my present age, is when most women have their sexual peak, and I feel it is absolutely true for me. I wake up every day thinking about hot sex before I even know what day it is, and more and more, I see cute men and just want to do them. What I REALLY want is a great love and great sex with one great guy -- but that is not easy to find, especially because I'm not willing to take a gamble on the kinds of guys I did in the past, none of whom were a long-term fit for me. How do I know it works for me? I know that it's working for me right now. And I know that if it stops working for me, I will deal with it. I think the best thing I can do is be 100% honest with myself and the guy, and that is what I'm doing. He has commented several times on how honest and straight-shooting I am, and said he really appreciates that. When he asked me if he could spend the night, I wanted to say yes. I mean, what's not to love about a strong, sexy man cuddling you all night after screaming, sweaty sex, then waking you up with his morning wood, then making you coffee in his underwear? But I know that's dangerous territory where strong bonding is very likely to happen, and I already have to fight my tendency to attach to him. For me, the sex is whatever I want it to be. I see nothing wrong with making love and expressing your affection for a person you have not made a long-term commitment to. In fact, I think it's a pretty liberating and beautiful thing to love somebody up in this moment, without any sense of expectation or obligation about the future. The future is just a concept. All we really have is this moment. Now. You can live in each moment, or consume yourself with regret over the past and worry over the future. When we are having sex, I'm enjoying every minute of it, letting him know what an awesome lover he is, communicating clearly what I want, and totally relishing in all the feel-good chemicals coursing through me. He seems to be doing the same, and learning a lot of new and improved techniques in the process. I would only be able to do this with someone I had some basic level of connection with and fondness for. I couldn't do a wham bam thank you ma'am deal. It's just not me. The way I see it, this guy and I are giving each other some sweetness, affection, and sexiness during a dry spell for both of us. And I think we will both always be glad we did it. Edited June 24, 2011 by Ruby Slippers
angielove Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I have been told I am very attractive by pretty much everyone, and yet I couldn't find anyone to sleep with me for 2 years I feel your pain
welikeincrowds Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 screaming Screaming? Thank you for your thoughtful reply, you've given me some things to think about.
Asystole Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 But with a FWB, there's barriers to intimacy on purpose, so the sex doesn't do the same thing and it isn't supposed to. All my attempts have come down to masturbating with a warm body that, when it really comes down to it, I have a base level of respect for, but don't really care about. New to the forums here, but your viewpoint reminds me of a good friend of mine's. I would say its different based on what you want out of it. Personally, I do care about people I sleep with, I like to have some kind of connection to them. Not always necessary, but I'm not afraid of getting a little attached. I mean.. I see no reason to fight things that come automatically to you. You may not need 'barriers to intimacy'. With that said however, I'd say anyone doing this sort of thing would have to honestly not feel very jealous or possessive of others. When your buddy is busy or you aren't his/her first thought, you have to accept that. I don't get jealous when my regular friend is out with other friends, I don't feel replaced. I also do care about my friends, and share a level of intimacy that I'm comfortable sharing with them. I've had to learn to apply that same truth to sexual friends. To me framing it in the rules of friendship, something much easier to understand, makes everything seem quite simple. The real reason that I think barriers tend to be put up in these kind of relationships is that all too often, one of you doesn't understand the nature of the agreement too well, and the other one has to hold the line very carefully. Just my thoughts.
youngskywalker Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Huh. 24, high sex drive and I'm going to imagine in my head that you're fairly attractive. It's so sad you've never come my way. Do you do kink too?
proactivedreamer Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 How do you "know" that this is what you want and works for you? The "FWB Question" is something I have yet to figure out for myself, and I've tried. I have never had a "successful" FWB. Either it ends up being that I didn't have enough interest in her in the first place, or, I don't know, I'm just not depraved enough. This may be TMI but I also wonder about "dominance": When I have sex, it's typically a mix of what I'd call "****ing" () and what I'd (prefer never to say out loud, but if forced by gunpoint, would technically) call "making love". Ultimately it's because I tend to frame the whole thing as "intimacy" and it's a yearning to get figuratively and literally closer and deeper into someone. But with a FWB, there's barriers to intimacy on purpose, so the sex doesn't do the same thing and it isn't supposed to. So I wonder: what is it supposed to do? Is it about unlocking some kind of sexual instinct, like a will to dominate? Like tying a girl up and holding her by a leash and ****ing her like an animal? But how can you have purposefully anti-intimate sex that is not also dispassionate? All my attempts have come down to masturbating with a warm body that, when it really comes down to it, I have a base level of respect for, but don't really care about. I think it must be because I was trying to force the wrong "kind" of sex in a situation that couldn't support it. Is any of this making sense? Do normal well-adjusted people not have to worry or care about this ****, and they can just do it no prob? Interesting response and insight. Personally speaking, I have no desire to dominate, conquer, exploit, or do anything devoid of substance and meaning. Feelings get messy, and I think FWBs are a safe way to get one's needs met when one is unable to be emotionally involved.
runner Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 ... For me, the sex is whatever I want it to be. I see nothing wrong with making love and expressing your affection for a person you have not made a long-term commitment to. In fact, I think it's a pretty liberating and beautiful thing to love somebody up in this moment, without any sense of expectation or obligation about the future. The future is just a concept. All we really have is this moment. Now. You can live in each moment, or consume yourself with regret over the past and worry over the future. best note i've read all day... always good to be reminded to: be here now
musemaj11 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I have been told I am very attractive by pretty much everyone, and yet I couldn't find anyone to sleep with me for 2 years I feel your pain Yea but women and sex are like camels and water. They can go without for endless amount of time.
musemaj11 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Honestly though, when I think about it, I dont think I would be thrilled to have a woman coming up to me and told me that she wanted access into my pants regularly but she was not interested in anything else from me. I think that would hurt my ego and make me feel like there must be something inadequate about me when all other men have to lie to women in order to have sex with them without giving them a relationship.
OpenBook Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I don't believe that men feel threatened. It could be about power, though. I knew guys who said that they like to be the one in charge. If the woman calls them over for a booty call, she is the one calling the shots and they didn't like that. Hmm, interesting point. I get the impression men generally do not like feeling overwhelmed/dominated by a woman. It's almost an Oedipal thing; being swallowed up by their mother. Sexually aggressive women remind them of that. I find that to be TOTALLY IRONIC about you guys in general. You always seem to be complaining about never getting enough sex from women, yet when you come across a woman who could satisfy all that (and then some) all of a sudden that's not what you want. Almost like you secretly want the woman who says "No" even though you loudly profess otherwise. (Not picking on you in particular, Stockalone. I appreciate your candidness in giving us ladies some insight into the male mind... and you seem to be one of the "good guys" anyway.)
GivenUp0083 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 It doesn't mean men are intimidated by her sex drive....it means either she's not very good in the sack, or guys think she's a whore and they don't want a disease. One of the major differences between men and women is men use logic in their decision making....women succumb to their emotions and make decisions at the moment based on how they "feel". Guys think about it, come up with logical reasoning, and make decisions based on information.
Monm82 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I don't think most guys are intimidated/turned off by women with high sex drives.. It's more like "What's the catch?". Like another poster said.
Stockalone Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 That makes sense. Hmm, interesting point. That's my conclusion based on what I heard other guys say. I don't know if it's true. There could be other reasons as well. I would steer clear of women like the OP, but for other reasons. I get the impression men generally do not like feeling overwhelmed/dominated by a woman.It's almost an Oedipal thing; being swallowed up by their mother. Sexually aggressive women remind them of that. I am not sure that it's an Oedipus complex. And I guess it depends on what you mean with sexually aggressive. I find that to be TOTALLY IRONIC about you guys in general. You always seem to be complaining about never getting enough sex from women, yet when you come across a woman who could satisfy all that (and then some) all of a sudden that's not what you want. Almost like you secretly want the woman who says "No" even though you loudly profess otherwise. (Not picking on you in particular, Stockalone. I appreciate your candidness in giving us ladies some insight into the male mind... and you seem to be one of the "good guys" anyway.) Good guy is always relative, but thanks. And no worries, since I have never complained about not being able to find a woman with a high sex drive. But I have seen guys starting to become visibly irritable and losing focus when they had to go without sex for even a couple of days. Considering this, and the fact that many guys don't have a problem with casual sex, I find it a bit difficult to imagine that a woman has actually trouble finding a guy who is willing to have casual sex with her.
Author LSChic Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Thanks for all the great insight, guys. I didn't mention I actually do like hanging out with Guy #2. We've been having a great time doing platonic things together. I think that the issue may be that he's not that experienced. I don't know though. I asked this question to a good guy friend of mine and he said that contrary to popular belief most guys don't want to have sex all the time and that I should coolit. I think I might go a bit easier on guy number two. BTW...skywalker: PM me and we'll talk. Maybe I will come your way.
Author LSChic Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Hmmmm...I guess I can't get PMs. You can email me at [email protected]. And I do not give weird blowjobs! Also, assuming I'm disease free (which I am) why would you avoid women like me?
mo mo Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 So I'm a 24 yo straight woman but I have a sex drive like a 16 yo boy. I love sex. I'm currently single and dating. I don't think I'm unattractive and I try to be generous in bed so what's the deal? I've dated two guys in the past month. Guy #1 was going fine until I said something sexy and then he never called again. I've been sleeping w/ Guy #2 and things have been great so far except he always seems reluctant to hang out. Today I made it clear that I just wanted to come over for an hour for sex and he said he was too tired! Maybe the problem is That I don't want a boyfriend so I don't worry about coming on too strong, but seriously, this Guy has made it obvious that he's attracted to me so what's the problem?! I asked if he was seeing anyone else and he said he wasn't. What's going on? soo I'm free tomorrow night.
Dust Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I personally don't feel threatened by women with high sex drives. No that would be too specific. You’re a virgin threatened by all women or else you’d be asking them out and having sex by now. I wish some of these women with high sex drives would come my way. You wouldn’t even know it if a woman like her came your way unless you made move. I doubt even she 1) approaches men 2) asks them out 3) makes all the first moves from kissing to sex. It gets to the point where you become the player screwing the players and you need multiple players to help you out because each one will see you maybe once a week because he has other girls he's dealing with. I suggest you try out some clubs; there are swarms of sexual predators there. Or plenty of fish. She could be screwing players who have multiple women. She could also just be screwing losers who would rather jack off to porn or just have low sex drives. These guys could also be out of shape or on medication. Huh. 24, high sex drive and I'm going to imagine in my head that you're fairly attractive. It's so sad you've never come my way. Do you do kink too? Hmmmm...I guess I can't get PMs. You can email me at [email protected]. And I do not give weird blowjobs! Also, assuming I'm disease free (which I am) why would you avoid women like me? Wow, this is almost too good to be true. Good luck youngskywalker the force is strong with you.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Rule of thumb: if two guys turn out to be slower than you, that should not mean that getting any men to have sex with you is like "pulling teeth". There aren't 6 billion people in the world because no one's having sex. There's someone for everyone. Pass on anyone who feigns being "tired". I can't imagine every saying that, even when I AM.
musemaj11 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 BTW...skywalker: PM me and we'll talk. Maybe I will come your way. Lol, you sound like a horny teenage boy.
proactivedreamer Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Now people are picking each other up on LS???! I love this site. I have seen it all!!! LMAO!
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