Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 By that I mean going to a bar with a bunch of friends and getting drunk. My boyfriend is having one tonight. Every time he has one, it makes me nervous that he is going to pick up or something. Of course I don't tell him that I mean, is it really OK for a person in a serious relationship to go to bars and clubs without their SO? Granted, he wanted to spend tonight with me but I have a work function. It just wouldn't kill him to spend one evening at home Not to mention that some of his friends are players and womenizers.....Agh. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 ....He asked you to go out. You said you had work. You've only been together for a couple of months. And you're thinking he should stay home when you're not even going to be there with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 It's been 4 months.... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 You're not getting the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 My point is that I am going to a work function. This is very different to going to some pick up joint and getting drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 There's nothing wrong with him enjoying a night out with his friends. And you shouldn't be worried about him possibly picking anyone up. He invited you, so it's not like he was hiding anything from you. Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Here we go!!! Eternal Sunshine. We don't know each other through the fiber optics but I follow your posts from time to time. I thought you said a week ago that you just fell in love with a guy who is in love with you? What ever happened to that? Yes, men have guys nights out and it doesn't mean he's picking up. Do you have girls nights out? Do you pick up? Trust him or dump him. Make the decision right now and never vacillate from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 I do have major trust issues. He asked me few nights ago "Do you think that you will ever be able to trust me?" I honestly said "I don't know". I am not causing any sort of scene over this. I told him to have fun and that was that. I am just going through it in my head and on LS. I immediately start doubting our whole relationship over this. Not to mention that he is going to Europe for 4 weeks very soon. How will I even get through that? Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I am just going through it in my head and on LS. I immediately start doubting our whole relationship over this. Stop doing that or you're going to blow this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 Being cheated on and/or left for another woman is one of my worst fears. I just hope that if it is going to happen that it happens before I have invested even more of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
keepsmilin74 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 How often does he go out to bars and clubs without you? personally, I would accept no more than one in ten times, roughly speaking... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 My point is that I am going to a work function. This is very different to going to some pick up joint and getting drunk. So, do you expect him to stay at home every single time you have work?? I dunno, I guess it depends on both of you. I don't really dig bars, neither does my SO, so I probably can't comment. But if you both have been regulars on the bar scene since you were single and it's the main gathering place for your friends, expecting drastic change in a relationship is just unrealistic. Besides, infidelity can occur anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 ES...don't be a destructive puppy. Yes, it's normal for a guy to have guy time/guys' nights. YOU should be having girl time/girls' nights as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 How often does he go out to bars and clubs without you? personally, I would accept no more than one in ten times, roughly speaking... I am always invited or if I want to do something else, he always gives priority to me. It's only when I can't make it that he goes without me. This is I think the fifth time he has done this in the 4 months we have been dating. And yes, this was the thing he did with friends every Friday and Saturday night when he was single. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 If someone is going to cheat that person is going to cheat. Your boyfriend has been nothing, but faithful, patient, loving, and kind. You can only base your judgment and trust of a person by their actions. He hasn't given you a reason not to trust him so don't try to concoct reasons inside of your mind. And yes, it is okay for your significant other to go out without you whether it is to a bar or a club or wherever. Everyone needs alone time and time with friends. It does not reflect on you or your relationship. Even if his friends are players or womanizers, he is not his friends. Remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 It's like he knows what I am thinking....... He has just sent me this msg unprompted: I can feel you even when I am alone <3 You are the one that I think of always. You are the only one that I want. You are the one that I will love forever. Then he sent me a link to Tina Turner's "You are simply the best" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 Maybe he is planning to cheat and is sending me this out of guilt? I HAVE to stop thinking like this Link to post Share on other sites
welikeincrowds Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Maybe he is planning to cheat and is sending me this out of guilt? I HAVE to stop thinking like this Yeah, you do! Have faith! It's not even that he anticipated your anxiety. He sent you that simply because he likes you and was thinking about you. That you were over here stressing about it is just a coincidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Then he sent me a link to Tina Turner's "You are simply the best" In all honesty, doesn't this level of cheese just kinda make you giggle and laugh? He sure is over the top! Link to post Share on other sites
keepsmilin74 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 You're always invited but he'll still go even if you can't. That's reasonable, I have to admit, though I wouldn't like it either... I have the same issues It's what I call "dark thoughts" when the jealousy rises... I get the same thing and try to recognise it and "expose it to the light" (omg, sorry for my corny self) like your posting it on LS, shows how irrational it is and maybe help me get over it. Sorry I can't help, I'm just starting work on myself, but I can sympathise!!! I tried to look up your thread history to get a clue what may be making you insecure, but don't have time to read through right now, will be back later. Your BF sounds like a good guy, that totally helps! Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
keepsmilin74 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 wait, just a thought, can he join you later at your function or you join him at the bar after your function? that way the night is ending together, and you both have being together in mind even if it doesn't always happen cos you decide you're tired, if that's your plan before going out, then you're focused on each other and he won't stray and you won't think of him straying. hope that made sense, I have to dash out... bye for now. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I mean, is it really OK for a person in a serious relationship to go to bars and clubs without their SO? YES! and I hope you're not sacrificing your friendships by spending too much time with him either. He's going with his friends, who are probably wondering why they haven't seen him much in the last 4 months. He needs to maintain relationships with his friends, and having beer in a bar is a good manly way to do that. That doesn't mean he's going to be picking up girls! They are going to talk about you, though, so when he gets back you can ask him what he told them about you. You have to have a little bit of trust when he's out of your sight. He loves you, and he's not going to throw that away for some girl in a bar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 Yeah, I am being silly. He is in the bar now and has been texting me all the time. His friends are going clubbing later but he said he just wants to go home to sleep. I even told him that it's totally OK for him to go clubbing and he said "Nah, it holds no appeal to me anymore" Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 ES, I hope you give serious thought to the fact that you need him to text you all the time while out with friends for one night, just to make you feel secure. =/ I mean, it's sweet of him and all, but it should really not be something you need just to have peace of mind while he's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Yeah, I am being silly. He is in the bar now and has been texting me all the time. Text him back and tell him to stop looking at the brunette girl in the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
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