tb24 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Following on from this topic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t283178/ She broke up with me because she 'didn't feel like she knew me well enough'. And felt like we didn't have the connection we needed. I sort of understood where she was coming from but I thought we just needed to see each other more. We were having fun together and had enough similar interests. I'll admit, I do struggle to open up to people and that was part of it. The irony being, I became very reserved because I didn't want to loose her Anyway, that was monday night. I didn't talk to her on tuesday because I felt awful and didn't think it would do me any good. On wednesday evening, over IM (which worked well actually, because it's less formal than the phone). We had a LONG discussion about things and I managed to open up a lot more. I guess because the worst thing that could happen already had. So she'd started talking to me and seeming far more interested in actually talking than she had for the last couple of weeks. That night, after I logged off to go to bed she sent me a text saying she wished I hadn't had to go. We had a bit of a conversation over text. It was the first time she'd initiated a conversation with me in weeks. Previously she'd only send me texts that were replies to something I'd sent her. Yesterday, we IM'd again (initiated by her!) briefly, we were both going out. She was feeling down. I got the impression that she feels like she made a mistake. Whether she wants me back, I'm not sure. However, she's doing things she did when we first started going out, such as 'liking' pretty much anything I put on facebook. I would take her back, I felt like the relationship could have gone somewhere and would quite like a second chance. My question, I suppose, is: what's the best thing to do going forward? Actively pursue her or give her space? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 How long were you together with her? My advice is give her space, otherwise you could push her away. If it is ment to be, it will be.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 About 2 months, but she became more and more distant over the last 2 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I know this may sound cruel, but are you sure you are not the result of her being in a rebound relationship with you? Was she just getting over or ending with someone else? I actually know someone in exactly the same position as you, and it turned out she had just split up with her ex.... My mate was just a rebound.... He was gutted, but unfortunatly that is the other cruel side to break ups and rebound relationships when the honeymoon period wears off..... Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is just a thought.... In which case NC mate.... Let her make her own mind up, otherwise you could push her further away..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 She was single for almost a year so I don't think that's the case. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamscape123 Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Well, in this case, I would have to agree with the usual advice of No Contact. The last thing you want to do is to make her feel smothered and push her away.... Its hard, trust me, I know but in this case I do feel it is for the best for you.... Also, it will get her wondering what your upto ..... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Tread very carefully here. I think she might be trying to put you in the friend zone. If that's the case then it's not being very fair to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 Perhaps, but we've kissed and had sex lots. Doesn't friend zoning usually happen before sex if it's going to? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 ok stop with the sex, if you want another chance with this girl you can't give her all the benefits of being in a relationship without the relationship. now if she is being very outgoing with you I would go Limited Contact and make sure she is the one initiating 80% to 90% of all communication, let her come to you. Just be ready to pull the plug and go total NC if you do end up in the friend zone at any point, or the friend with benefits zone. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 Not really. You'll read on here many examples of guys that thought things were working out to getting back together only to read later that they found out that their SO was seeing someone else, yet, still maintaining contact with them. Thus, their SO was cake eating. Getting there emotional needs met by you and the physical needs met by someone else. That's why I'm telling you to tread lightly. Perhaphs you just need to ask her where this is all going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 Oh I haven't had sex with her since we broke up. We've talked a lot this weekend and I'm probably meeting up with her on Tuesday. She says she misses me so it's looking good. I want her back but I know I need to tread very carefully. Any tips? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 keep it light and friendly, don't bring up the past relationship or the break up (if she does just agree with her and change the subject), stay in the moment (not emotionally or in a romantic way, just listen and talk), you can bring up the good experiences you shared with each other but don't bring up the ones with intense emotion involved. basically you want to go about this like you are meeting up with an old friend, but remember you want to keep her wanting more so I suggest keeping the "meeting" to a maximum of 60 minutes, 30 minutes preferably but if things are going very well you can stay for 1 full hour. Also, don't reveal too much about what you have been up to. you want to leave her wanting more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tb24 Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 I had a really good evening with her. We had fun, talked a lot and ended up kissing I think it's because after we broke up, we chatted a lot over IM and were just able to be a lot more open with each other. I guess this is the 'connection' she felt was lacking previously. Ironically, the breakup brought us closer. She's away for the next week and a half but I'm seeing her right after she gets back. Link to post Share on other sites
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