Feeling Worthless

[RuinedLife]

Its been nearly 6 months since my break up now, but I'm still feeling really worthless, partly due to the break up. My ex has just been so cold and distant towards me, which is to be expected I know. But I just feel so worthless, especially since I've been so ill lately and so unable to do much.

 

I guess I'm just ranting again. I'm sorry guys. It just hurts because my ex was my best friend, my only friend and I just feel he's cast me from my life because I'm just not good enough for him. And I know he deserves better than me and that if I really love him I need to let him go, but I wish I could see some hope for the future. I keep trying, but its still looking black to me.

 

I suppose this is the depression talking and so hopefully with more medication and therapy I'll get better. Just takes a lot more time I guess for me.

[Bito]

You must learn to love yourself as you are, and realize that you don't need someone else to define you. Make peace with whats happend and have faith that there its someone else for you out there. You must accept that your ex is gone if you are to move on.

 

Also therapy and meds can help but to move on it must come from yourself. The therapist does not have any secrets that you don't already know.

Edited June 24, 2011 by Bito

[nikkinicole36]

You must learn to love yourself as you are, and realize that you don't need someone else to define you. Make peace with whats happend and have faith that there its someone else for you out there. You must accept that your ex is gone if you are to move on.

 

Also therapy and meds can help but to move on it must come from yourself. The therapist does not have any secrets that you don't already know.

 

 

I totally agree with this. There is no big secret to it all. You just have to find a way to disconnect and let go. Your ex has. He's moving on with his life, meanwhile yours is passing you by. I can tell you this because I held on for a year, hurting and being in so much pain and anguish I wanted to just kill myself. A few weeks ago, I guess all those self-help boosk I'd been reading finally sunk in and someone said to me this simple thing: "Have you tried just letting go?" It was like a lightbulb went on in my head. It was just that simple. I was still in angonizing pain because I'd refused to simply let go. Three months after the break up my ex was with someone else, whom he is still with and I was doing what you were doing. Sleeping my life away in depression, driving friends and family crazy with constantly talking about him. You get to decide when and how long this goes on. You can keep coming back here for us to tell you it's ok to wallow and dig into the misery and pain or you can decide to just let go and work on yourself. Honestly think about this way. If your ex came back today, could you really say you are any different than when he left. Probably not, since you've been so focused on him and why he left that you haven't been taking care of yourself. You wouldn't have much to contribute to a relationship right now, not until you get yourself together and fulfill your own happiness.

[Sassygirl2]

I totally agree with this. There is no big secret to it all. You just have to find a way to disconnect and let go. Your ex has. He's moving on with his life, meanwhile yours is passing you by. I can tell you this because I held on for a year, hurting and being in so much pain and anguish I wanted to just kill myself. A few weeks ago, I guess all those self-help boosk I'd been reading finally sunk in and someone said to me this simple thing: "Have you tried just letting go?" It was like a lightbulb went on in my head. It was just that simple. I was still in angonizing pain because I'd refused to simply let go. Three months after the break up my ex was with someone else, whom he is still with and I was doing what you were doing. Sleeping my life away in depression, driving friends and family crazy with constantly talking about him. You get to decide when and how long this goes on. You can keep coming back here for us to tell you it's ok to wallow and dig into the misery and pain or you can decide to just let go and work on yourself. Honestly think about this way. If your ex came back today, could you really say you are any different than when he left. Probably not, since you've been so focused on him and why he left that you haven't been taking care of yourself. You wouldn't have much to contribute to a relationship right now, not until you get yourself together and fulfill your own happiness.

 

I like this.......

[smudge21]

Accepting the reality and letting go is the hardest thing in my opinion. I know I should do it but I still hold on to that beliefe that yeah, she'll come back. It's like I don't want to let go, as by letting go I admit defeat. I admit that all this time, all this hurt, has been for nothing.

 

There's no easy answers or garaunteed fixes for the pain we're in, but just understand that eventually, one day, we all see the light at the end of that tunnel and we do move on. I know that for a fact.

 

Stay strong, and for what it's worth, remember you're never alone in your suffering.

[Karala]

I totally agree with this. There is no big secret to it all. You just have to find a way to disconnect and let go. Your ex has. He's moving on with his life, meanwhile yours is passing you by. I can tell you this because I held on for a year, hurting and being in so much pain and anguish I wanted to just kill myself. A few weeks ago, I guess all those self-help boosk I'd been reading finally sunk in and someone said to me this simple thing: "Have you tried just letting go?" It was like a lightbulb went on in my head. It was just that simple. I was still in angonizing pain because I'd refused to simply let go. Three months after the break up my ex was with someone else, whom he is still with and I was doing what you were doing. Sleeping my life away in depression, driving friends and family crazy with constantly talking about him. You get to decide when and how long this goes on. You can keep coming back here for us to tell you it's ok to wallow and dig into the misery and pain or you can decide to just let go and work on yourself. Honestly think about this way. If your ex came back today, could you really say you are any different than when he left. Probably not, since you've been so focused on him and why he left that you haven't been taking care of yourself. You wouldn't have much to contribute to a relationship right now, not until you get yourself together and fulfill your own happiness.

 

Right on.

 

Personally I hate meds and I hate therapy, I think most of the time they're acting as clutches and people become even less self-reliant because of them. But to each his own. Ultimately, you decide what you do with your headspace and with your life, you have free will. Therapy I guess can help you come to that conclusion, but it won't do much anything more.

 

Sometimes though, pain is a learning experience and you just have to go through it until you see the light. Just gotta be strong for as long as the process goes on, and hang on to the little things that help you get through the day (banofee pies, goofy YouTube videos or whatever it be)

 

Hang in there love!

[Steven T]

I totally agree with this. There is no big secret to it all. You just have to find a way to disconnect and let go. Your ex has. He's moving on with his life, meanwhile yours is passing you by. I can tell you this because I held on for a year, hurting and being in so much pain and anguish I wanted to just kill myself. A few weeks ago, I guess all those self-help boosk I'd been reading finally sunk in and someone said to me this simple thing: "Have you tried just letting go?" It was like a lightbulb went on in my head. It was just that simple. I was still in angonizing pain because I'd refused to simply let go. Three months after the break up my ex was with someone else, whom he is still with and I was doing what you were doing. Sleeping my life away in depression, driving friends and family crazy with constantly talking about him. You get to decide when and how long this goes on. You can keep coming back here for us to tell you it's ok to wallow and dig into the misery and pain or you can decide to just let go and work on yourself. Honestly think about this way. If your ex came back today, could you really say you are any different than when he left. Probably not, since you've been so focused on him and why he left that you haven't been taking care of yourself. You wouldn't have much to contribute to a relationship right now, not until you get yourself together and fulfill your own happiness.

 

Brilliant!

 

It's true. Just accept everything and let it go and if you want your life to be good it can be, as I am learning.

 

@RuinedLife I know it's difficult, but in the end life is too short. I feel for you, because my ex was my best friend, soul mate and all that. But If she doesnt want to be with me then I deserve someone who will be, just like you. Why waste your time on someone who doesnt want the same as you?

 

You really have to get your head around it and just accept you two are no longer. You can do this. It's ok to be upset but just try and take each day as it comes living your life, going about your business and try not to think or dwell on your ex. Before you know it you will be getting over what has happened with out you even realising, the mind works in mysterious ways.

 

You can do this. Accept and let it go.

Edited June 24, 2011 by Steven T

[RuinedLife]

Thanks for the comments again guys.

 

I know I must be really annoying everyone now, and I have been doing more stuff lately to try and distract myself etc, but I can't really lie, I'm still struggling a lot.

 

I start my cognitive behavioral therapy tomorrow so hoping that will help a bit, but have still been despairing a lot and crying myself to sleep every night etc.

 

I'm glad I have friends here though, means a lot. So thanks for your continuing support guys.

[nikkinicole36]

It just sounds like the breakup has opened up a lot of old deep pain. It just sounds like it just opened up something that was unresolved from a long time ago. When it's that gut wrenching, I've realized that it's not just about the breakup. I hope your therapy goes well. It might be just what you need to help get you moving in a positive direction.

[Karala]

It just sounds like the breakup has opened up a lot of old deep pain. It just sounds like it just opened up something that was unresolved from a long time ago. When it's that gut wrenching, I've realized that it's not just about the breakup.

 

RL, I was reading something earlier today about breakups and breakup pain, which basically said exactly that, and it made me think of you. Do you see anything in your past that your breakup could be reminiscent of?

You know how they say we tend to put ourselves in the same situations again and again until we do something about it and resolve our issues at last. Maybe what you're going through at the moment is a reenactement of unresolved stuff from the past, begging to be sorted through at last, and this could be the reason why you seem sorta stuck? Like the unresolved stuff telling you "don't you dare getting over me just like that and not give me any more attention, we have unfinished business that you need to attend to!". lol. Just a thought.

[jeff2321]

It has been about 10 months full NC for me and I still think about my ex at least a few times everyday. I have moved on and I have gotten over her for the most part, but there is always some kind of trigger or something that pops in my head that reminds me of her.

 

So to make you feel better, you aren't annoying with these posts. Many of us are going through the same thing trying to get over someone. I know I am - I have turned into a anti-social hermit crab in my apartment and I don't hang out with a lot of people anymore. I am just working, going to school ( started back last semester ), and working out at the gym. I have tried to start watching what I eat as well, but sometimes I fall off the wagon and eat crap because I'm depressed ... I am working on fixing this.

 

Just know there are other people out there going through pain everyday trying to get over someone. We are feeling the pain with you.

 

Jeff2321

[RuinedLife]

RL, I was reading something earlier today about breakups and breakup pain, which basically said exactly that, and it made me think of you. Do you see anything in your past that your breakup could be reminiscent of?

You know how they say we tend to put ourselves in the same situations again and again until we do something about it and resolve our issues at last. Maybe what you're going through at the moment is a reenactement of unresolved stuff from the past, begging to be sorted through at last, and this could be the reason why you seem sorta stuck? Like the unresolved stuff telling you "don't you dare getting over me just like that and not give me any more attention, we have unfinished business that you need to attend to!". lol. Just a thought.

 

Hehehe. I like that!

 

Yeah I'm thinking the same thing. I'm sure I've got plenty of unresolved issues from my past. My Nana died when I was quite young and we were very close, as she practically helped raise me! And I was also bullied a LOT at school so I've always really struggled to fit in and been rejected a lot. For example, I used to get a lot of guys coming up to me and "joke asking me out" and then laughing in my face. I don't know if these experiences are exacerbating my current heartache or feelings or rejection or not, but it does seem quite likely to me when I think about it. The worthlessness and alienation I suffered in school does still haunt me a lot, especially those kind of "in your face, you are a complete joke and no one likes you" rejection experiences.

 

And posting about all this now makes me REALLY wish that I'd told my ex bf all of this. Then maybe he'd have understood my insecurities better. *sighs*

 

 

It has been about 10 months full NC for me and I still think about my ex at least a few times everyday. I have moved on and I have gotten over her for the most part, but there is always some kind of trigger or something that pops in my head that reminds me of her.

 

So to make you feel better, you aren't annoying with these posts. Many of us are going through the same thing trying to get over someone. I know I am - I have turned into a anti-social hermit crab in my apartment and I don't hang out with a lot of people anymore. I am just working, going to school ( started back last semester ), and working out at the gym. I have tried to start watching what I eat as well, but sometimes I fall off the wagon and eat crap because I'm depressed ... I am working on fixing this.

 

Just know there are other people out there going through pain everyday trying to get over someone. We are feeling the pain with you.

 

Jeff2321

 

Thanks Jeff.

 

Yes it does help coming here and knowing I'm not alone.

Edited June 27, 2011 by RuinedLife

[Mnesic]

Its been nearly 6 months since my break up now, but I'm still feeling really worthless, partly due to the break up. My ex has just been so cold and distant towards me, which is to be expected I know. But I just feel so worthless, especially since I've been so ill lately and so unable to do much.

 

I guess I'm just ranting again. I'm sorry guys. It just hurts because my ex was my best friend, my only friend and I just feel he's cast me from my life because I'm just not good enough for him. And I know he deserves better than me and that if I really love him I need to let him go, but I wish I could see some hope for the future. I keep trying, but its still looking black to me.

 

I suppose this is the depression talking and so hopefully with more medication and therapy I'll get better. Just takes a lot more time I guess for me.

 

Don't say that I'm sure you will find a guy who is lucky enough to have you down the road.. That's how I'm trying to think after my ex-girlfriend cheated on me, I also felt worthless and my insecurities/ego took a total crash. I think of my ex all day and it feels like the pain only grows.. but why do we need to continue to think of them when in reality we don't cross their mind for a split second. Its neither healthy or productive.. no need to mop around when they are out having a blast.. That's how I'm trying to think with my own problem I hope that helps

[RuinedLife]

Don't say that I'm sure you will find a guy who is lucky enough to have you down the road.. That's how I'm trying to think after my ex-girlfriend cheated on me, I also felt worthless and my insecurities/ego took a total crash. I think of my ex all day and it feels like the pain only grows.. but why do we need to continue to think of them when in reality we don't cross their mind for a split second. Its neither healthy or productive.. no need to mop around when they are out having a blast.. That's how I'm trying to think with my own problem I hope that helps

 

I know you're right. I just really struggle to put those ideas into practice I guess.

 

Its like my love for my ex haunts me.

 

I just feel like I failed my ex bf in so many ways because it was my insecurities that triggered our break up.

[Rory12345]

RuinedLife,

 

Don't think that you failed your ex at all, as you didn't.

 

I did things wrong with my ex and when I used to think about them, I felt rubbish. So I stopped as it's in the past. Don't let it plague you. Look towards the future and live in the present. Learn from where you went wrong.

 

It may not seem like it but you will get over him. It takes time but just look after yourself and do what you want to.

 

Regards,

 

Rory

[RuinedLife]

RuinedLife,

 

Don't think that you failed your ex at all, as you didn't.

 

I did things wrong with my ex and when I used to think about them, I felt rubbish. So I stopped as it's in the past. Don't let it plague you. Look towards the future and live in the present. Learn from where you went wrong.

 

It may not seem like it but you will get over him. It takes time but just look after yourself and do what you want to.

 

Regards,

 

Rory

 

I guess you're right Rory. My life just seems so meaningless without my ex though now as I did all I could to keep my ex happy and that was my purpose, but just seems like now I have no purpose and there is no point to my existence.

[Rory12345]

What was your purpose before you met your ex? You had a purpose before and you still do.

 

You getting over your ex is like getting over a drug. You are so used to your ex you don't know what else there is to do. I was there, like you but with time it goes. Just keep looking after yourself and you'll get there!

 

Regards,

 

Rory

[Ross MwcFan]

Yeah, you shouldn't let someone else make you feel worthless.

 

Nobody else defines who you are.