ldiba Posted September 1, 2000 Share Posted September 1, 2000 My boyfriend and I are very much in love. We have a great relationship in and out of bed. We talk openly about intimacy and sex. In his free time, he sometimes visit pornography sites on the internet. He hasn't hidden this from me and has even showed me a couple of sites. I used to be jealous of this type of thing when I was younger, but I've changed. However, I just found out that he registered for an "Ultrablack sex" site (which costs $24.95/month and for whatever reason it really bugged me. Why does he or men, in general feel the need for this type of thing if they are supposedly sexually and mentally satisfied?? I've aksed him and he says it's just for fun. Should I be concerned? Should I just accept this as normal? Do other men do this, alot? confused about porn. Any ideas? Lisa Link to post Share on other sites
kovacs Posted September 1, 2000 Share Posted September 1, 2000 My boyfriend and I are very much in love. We have a great relationship in and out of bed. We talk openly about intimacy and sex. In his free time, he sometimes visit pornography sites on the internet. He hasn't hidden this from me and has even showed me a couple of sites. I used to be jealous of this type of thing when I was younger, but I've changed. However, I just found out that he registered for an "Ultrablack sex" site (which costs $24.95/month and for whatever reason it really bugged me. Why does he or men, in general feel the need for this type of thing if they are supposedly sexually and mentally satisfied?? I've aksed him and he says it's just for fun. Should I be concerned? Should I just accept this as normal? Do other men do this, alot? confused about porn. Any ideas? Lisa Lisa - Your guy is perfectly normal and so are you. He doesn't love you any less, he just likes looking. That's true of any guy - a relationship doesn't make him blind - just committed. A man enjoying porn is enjoying something for himself. There is no obligation to anyone else, no need to care about a partner's experience, and he can get up and leave whenever he wants. I think it helps men a little stay true by helping them satisfy their incessant curiosity about women's bodies. Accept his answer. Fun may not seem like it should be associated with sexual desire, but for men, it often is. Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted September 1, 2000 Share Posted September 1, 2000 At least he isn't hiding it from you. As a woman, I must admit, I don't like my guys eyeing other naked women. And if my man was doing it on a regular basis, I would not be happy with it. But I think what Kovacs says is true. It probably is harmless fun and as long as he looks but doesn't touch, it may be OK. Women often have a more romantic view of sex than men and it is deeply tied into emotion. Maybe we should lighten up about it. But what gets me about port are the inflated chests and unreal qualities of the women that make regular women feel that somehow they can't measure up and will always be competing with Barbie. Lisa - Your guy is perfectly normal and so are you. He doesn't love you any less, he just likes looking. That's true of any guy - a relationship doesn't make him blind - just committed. A man enjoying porn is enjoying something for himself. There is no obligation to anyone else, no need to care about a partner's experience, and he can get up and leave whenever he wants. I think it helps men a little stay true by helping them satisfy their incessant curiosity about women's bodies. Accept his answer. Fun may not seem like it should be associated with sexual desire, but for men, it often is. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 1, 2000 Share Posted September 1, 2000 It's better that he has affairs of the mind, on the Internet with your full knowledge, rather than in person away from you in an apartment or hotel somewhere in your city. Let him know that if it's just nice bodies he's looking to view, there are billions on the Internet for free. Just use the search engines. I have happened upon these sites through spam Email I have received. It appears to me the really raunchy stuff is on the pay sites. I have also read that Internet porn is a billion dollar industry and by far more profitable that any other commerce conducted on the world wide web. I guess people are far more concerned in what's coming off than in what's going on. Your guy is perfectly normal...but I think if this goes on for a very long time or if his pursuit of naked ladies on the Internet increases or becomes more time consuming, you need to have a little talk with him. Link to post Share on other sites
jaye Posted September 2, 2000 Share Posted September 2, 2000 I can appreciate what you are feeling. (this is the first time I am submitting anything so I hope it gets to you.) My husband of 11 years still likes the "dirty" magazines and now we have the wonderful web to really "compete" with. I know that my husband loves me and that this "porn" thing is a man thing but that's how I feel, like I am competing. (even though I know that I really am not, I really have to tell myself this, even after all this time) About 3 years after we were married I found out that MY HUSBAND was really into this stuff. I felt betrayed, lack of another word, cheated on, really bad. Like he didn't love me. Time passed, I dealt with it, he swore it had nothing to do with me, I swore it had everything to do with me, that I didn't turn him on, etc.... I talked to a couple close girlfriends about this who told me to "grow up". But I felt how I felt. Now that I am older (36) and still married I realize after many hurtful arguments that he really does love me and it really is a man thing. They need it, have to have it, and basiclly are not functional without it. Take heart and tell yourself that it is just him being a man, something us girls do not understand. I hope I have helped you. It's better that he has affairs of the mind, on the Internet with your full knowledge, rather than in person away from you in an apartment or hotel somewhere in your city. Let him know that if it's just nice bodies he's looking to view, there are billions on the Internet for free. Just use the search engines. I have happened upon these sites through spam Email I have received. It appears to me the really raunchy stuff is on the pay sites. I have also read that Internet porn is a billion dollar industry and by far more profitable that any other commerce conducted on the world wide web. I guess people are far more concerned in what's coming off than in what's going on. Your guy is perfectly normal...but I think if this goes on for a very long time or if his pursuit of naked ladies on the Internet increases or becomes more time consuming, you need to have a little talk with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Jimi Posted September 5, 2000 Share Posted September 5, 2000 At least he isn't hiding it from you. As a woman, I must admit, I don't like my guys eyeing other naked women. And if my man was doing it on a regular basis, I would not be happy with it. But I think what Kovacs says is true. It probably is harmless fun and as long as he looks but doesn't touch, it may be OK. Women often have a more romantic view of sex than men and it is deeply tied into emotion. Maybe we should lighten up about it. But what gets me about port are the inflated chests and unreal qualities of the women that make regular women feel that somehow they can't measure up and will always be competing with Barbie. Link to post Share on other sites
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