Would a person cheat under certain circumstances?

[snug.bunny]

I was reading a thread in the dating section, and a point was brought up by someone, that basically suggested that given certain circumstances and enough temptation -----> a person would likely cheat.

 

I think every human being is "capable" of cheating, but even if there is temptation present, does that mean a person will automatically cheat?

 

The only time I was "tempted" to cheat, was after I discovered I was cheated on. We had been together a long time and after I found out, I was still considering working things out. But, once I felt myself sexually and romantically attracted to another person, I knew the relationship was definitely over (I guess I already knew the relationship was over after I found out I was cheated on, I think finding myself drawn to another man at that point was the final push...).

 

But, if a person is constantly surrounded by temptation, is that an automatic given that would cause someone to cheat? Or, do you think that people who are in a committed relationship should refrain as much as possible from being around certain conditions that can be a breeding ground for infidelity?

[PegNosePete]

I do not believe I would ever cheat. I've stuck to it for 35 years so have no reason to believe I won't stick to it for the next 35.

[Ginger Beer]

Depends on how strong/weak the person is.

[vsmini]

Hmmm - I suppose if, tempted enough one could cheat where they normally wouldn't. Perhaps - hard to say.

 

That's why you establish boundaries and communicate openly about where your relationship is at with your SO

 

And both agree that you'll keep yourself from getting into tempting situations to begin with.

 

Maybe you shouldn't be eating lunch with a co-worker you think is hot/beautiful. Maybe you shouldn't be going to a strip club after an argument where you know the dancers gladly perform "favors" at a modest fee. Stay out of tempting situations! That's 1/3 part of trust.

[OhMittens]

Everyone is different but it comes down to integrity. If you are unhappy in relationship cheating is not the answer. You need to end that relationship and find someone you are happier with.

[LuciaLove]

Each individual has their own standard of behaviour they subscribe to. I know in my life there has been temptation. You get in the moment, you even push the boundary a little bit there's line in your brain,(call that respect for your partner or yourself?)that you have and will never cross.

 

When those boundaries were pushed I immediately ran to my partner and told and discussed it with them about how to deal with it in the future.

 

During a long distance relationship at a party at college had a few and the guy was chatting me up. I was friendly enough but did not stop him. Towards the end of the night he kissed me. At this point I quite literally RAN home and called my boyfriend explaining what happened and that I was sorry for putting myself in that situation.

 

That threshold/boundary of respect and love for my boyfriend made me run away.

 

During my marraige there was a guy I worked with that I respected as a friend and found incredibly attractive. Because I knew I found him attractive when there was invitations for drinks or hanging out I declined because it would have been disrespectful to then hubby at the time.

 

There was a friend of mine (who I had previously briefly dated, but ultimately resulted in a friendship) whose place I used to crash (in his bed)at after a night out when I could not drive home when I was single. When After I started a relationship with my boyfriend one night, without thinking, I did the same thing. I told my boyfriend and we discussed how this was inappropriate concidering the potential for something stupid happening, and our boundaries.

 

My point is: you either have those boundaries or you don't. Tempting situations will occur along the way. It's the job of both partners to minimize them and work as a team to make the relationship secure and a happy place for both people to be.

 

You either respect your partner or you don't.

[NervisPervis]

Oh, I don't know. Let's say you've been with someone for 25 years or so. Married for 20. You realize one day you've been in a 4 year rut. You decide you're getting to old to not have love and passion in your marriage so you try to fix things. Make it "Brand New" again, to quote the BoDeans.

 

While trying to fix it, you see it's not going the way you had hoped. You dig harder only to find out your wife fell out of love with you many years before you noticed the rut happening. She hates kissing you. Hates sex. hates the idea of you. All of you who have spent any time on these forums know that a woman doesn't go back after disengaging like that. It's over.

 

You only live once and may want to not resign yourself to never being wanted again. You may want to go out and find love again. Divorce isn't an option because of the kids. And anyhow, you're still friends, kind of.

 

In a situation like this, it's either "cheat" or end the passionate part of your life. If I were in a situation like that, which of course I'm not, I'd be looking.

[rafallus]

I think every human being is "capable" of cheating, but even if there is temptation present, does that mean a person will automatically cheat?

No.

 

"Everyone cheats" is actually a mantra of serial cheaters. Just like everyone is physically capable of killing someone else, but that doesn't mean everyone does it. There's a rational part of the brain that can stop primitive urges, if considered destructive.

Edited June 24, 2011 by rafallus

[RepairMinded]

I'm not sure if I'm capable of cheating because I've never gotten any offers.

[elleorbianca]

I never thought I would ever cheat because I never had. But recently I was:

1) on vacation

2) drinking

3) with a very attractive/ high value guy

4) horny

and

5) bored

 

and I cheated (let a guy kiss me)

 

 

It was the perfect/ terrible storm.

[Memphis Raines]

I think temptation exists, for the most part, because people put themselves in positions where temptation can more than likely occur.

 

In other words, if someone wants the attention, a potential "tempter" will pick up on that.

 

If someone carries themselves in a way that lets others know they are not available, or interested in any way, temptation more than likely will not be there.

 

Its like when someone talks about being tempted by saying, "I was at this nightclub and this guy/woman comes up to me...." Well DUH!

[Memphis Raines]

I never thought I would ever cheat because I never had. But recently I was:

1) on vacation

2) drinking

3) with a very attractive/ high value guy

4) horny

and

5) bored

 

and I cheated (let a guy kiss me)

 

 

It was the perfect/ terrible storm.

 

hence my point. you were on vacation without your significant other. thats what I call inviting temptation.

[Memphis Raines]

We are all capable of cheating but that doesn't mean one will cheat if the opportunity or "situation" is in place.

 

well if this is said in the same spirit as "we are all capable of stabbing someone to death, then cutting out all their organs", well....ya:o

 

we are capable of that because we can pick up a knife and have the ability to put the knife in motion.

[reboot]

People that place value on not cheating avoid situations where they could be tempted.

[vsmini]

I've said this before - half of trusting someone is also trusting them to keep their butts out of tempting situations.

 

Oh - you think your co-worker is hot? Best not to go out to lunch with them. Put the need for an ego stroke aside and eat lunch with another friend.

[snug.bunny]

We are all capable of cheating but that doesn't mean one will cheat if the opportunity or "situation" is in place.

 

I had many opportunities to cheat before my ex-wife cheated and after, but I didn't because I have control over myself. Unless you are mentally disabled in some way, every adult has control over their actions, they just choose not to.

 

Agreed.

 

--------

[Memphis Raines]

people that place value on not cheating avoid situations where they could be tempted.

 

exactly!!!!